Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

Usually liver failure or often pancreatic cancer,

I've known 4, all died young. Leave and get on with your life, keep him away from the children.

I love him but I have to protect our child.

You don't love him.
You love what you want him to be and what he used to be.

You need to leave before he drags you down.

My dad. Ruined my childhood and, indeed, adulthood. It was awful.
He lives alone now. He’s lost everything but he still can’t (or won’t!) kick the habit. He doesn’t care about grandkids or anything.

I would leave in a heartbeat if my DH became an alcoholic, for the sake of our kids.

I know 3, two relapsed after many years sober which was really sad. They are now active addicts again. The other died of liver failure.

I've just remembered my friend used to 'borrow' from the petty cash, and never took any time off in case it was discovered. She was the accountant for an important union.

I've also remembered that when my Mum died in 2000 I did offer her money from my inheritance as a gift and she refused - and I was secretly relieved as I thought she'd spend it on drink. What a very sad admission.

Good friend, dead at 60 from a (usually) pretty treatable/survivable cancer because his other (alcohol induced) health issues severely limited the treatment he could tolerate.

Two separate "by marriage" male relatives, both fell down a flight of stairs whilst drunk and died.

Close male relative, 40 and already has fairly serious health issues developing. Won't see 50 if he can't stop.

Cousin, dead at 30, drink driving. Killed her two kids as well.

The alcoholic I know now has korsakoff syndrome and is living in a facility in their mid fifties because they have alcohol induced dementia. They will never live independently again. It’s such a waste of a life.

Alcohol really needs to be clamped down upon. Advertising alcohol should be banned, full stop, as should selling it in attractive packaging. It should also only be sold in dedicated off-licenses instead of in supermarkets etc.

Yes my mother. We lost contact after she had become violent towards me whilst I was pregnant. I've heard recently that she has alcohol related dementia at a young age.

My uncle was an alcoholic. He was incredibly intelligent but alcohol destroyed his life. He ended up dying from a neurodegenerative disease.

My uncle’s girlfriend was also an alcoholic. She did work on being sober but the damage to her body was extreme. She needed a full time carer. She lost custody of her daughter who had to grow up in foster care. Her daughter grew up and dated a guy from a good family who had a high status career. They were in love but after she introduced her boyfriend to her mother and her mother’s boyfriend he broke up with her immediately.

Towards the end her brain wasn’t functioning properly. She went to her doctor due to severe pain and she was repeatedly ignored. It turns out that she had end stage ovarian cancer and the extreme pain was cancer throughout her body. I guess her doctor ignored her because he thought she was drug seeking.

Alcohol doesn’t just destroy the alcoholic’s life - it destroys the lives of everyone near them.

My brother in law. I don't know the exact details, but his liver was in bad shape, his pancreas was packing up, he had type 2 diabetes, and his doctor told him if he didn't cut out the booze he'd be dead in two years. His two boys were 7 and 11 then. He stopped drinking that very day and is in pretty good health now, 14 years later.

He told me that several years later he went back to see the specialist who gave him the wake up call. Apparently when my BIL was diagnosed the consultant had half a dozen other patients in the same condition. Only my BIL and one other is still alive.

Left him years ago. He continues to drink and his health is getting worse and worse. He’s been offered a lot of nhs help. Slowly rotting away both physically and mentally.

My mum was an alcoholic. Died alone, body not found for months because her addiction drove everyone away, it was impossible to have a relationship with her and we (my sisters and I) had to cut contact to protect ourselves but more importantly, our own children.

All she had to show for her life when we cleared her house was thousands (literally - two transit vans packed floor to ceiling) of empty wine bottles. There wasn't a drop of alcohol left to be found in the house.

An aunt who died at 50 from organ failure. Left three kids who are amazing but wouldn’t have anything to do with her. An ex. Don’t know what happened. Hope they’re ok. Probably not. My partner’s ex who died at 40 something from cirrhosis.

My husband. He did the Allen Carr stop drinking (in a day) course about 9 years ago & hasn’t touched alcohol since. He doesn’t miss drink & it’s genuinely been easy for him to stop. I 100% recommend this course.

My father was an alcoholic and he died at 56 years old. There was less help available then though - this was about 40 years ago.

When I think about it, there’s been quite a few alcoholics in my family: An auntie who died in her 40s and her much wanted child was then adopted outwith the family, but not before said child was found in a cot with broken bottles. Another auntie who put her children through mental and physical torture for years. They still live with the repercussions to this day. Another auntie lost a high powered job and died in her 40s as an alcoholic and anorexic. Alcohol consumed their lives and made them into selfish, selfish people.
OP don’t be fooled into thinking you can be your husband’s saviour. He needs to be responsible for his own decisions.
Children always know what’s going on. Give your child the chance at a decent life and get out.

Me, I’m an alcoholic. I think my life is great now because I haven’t had a drink in 6 years and it changed my life. I stopped for DS because it wasn’t fair on him having a drunk mum. It was hard work but I know I will never drink again as it’s not worth the risk of going back to the way I was when I was drinking.

My husband. Headed for an early grave at 48. He's currently cutting back by pretending not to have had a drink when I get in and im pretending to believe him just to keep the peace and prolong the relative calm.

So many sad, sad stories. I've known too many - an Ex dead at 41 from heart failure, a good friend dead in his 40s from drink induced cancer, a friend who fell and became disabled after years of heavy drinking.

My DM is a recovering alcoholic, she's been sober coming up 20 years now. She's got loads of health conditions that aren't going to get better and the doctors are surprised she's lived so long but I'm so proud of her and she's had a great last 20 years.

She had to hit rock bottom first, I thought moments where people were told they had weeks to live if they don't give up alcohol were just in films but she was given literal weeks to live if she didn't give up and that's what did it. It was a long 20+ years of her drinking and it ruined my childhood and gave me lots of issues to deal with. You leaving is the right thing to do for both you and your child, I wish my Dad did.

One of my parents died and the other went to rehab and lives by AA steps (took them years to want help!). A friend also died young. It’s a heartbreaking illness and effects all around them. Good luck Op ❤️

4, unfortunately.

Uncle, chronic alcoholic of more than 20 years, Went through rehab at least three times. Ended up divorced, unemployed, low contact kids. Died of liver related complications at 55 when his youngest was barely a teenager.

A good friends Mum, functioning alcoholic for a very long time, then spiralled in her 40s/early 50s into less functional. Died mid-50s of cancer.

DHs Stepmum. Relatively functional in her mid-60s but still drinking around 80 units a week, no noticeable health problems yet but all children and step children are low/no contact and looks a decade older than she is.

A colleague. Went to rehab in her 30s having taken out a loan to do so. Still in AA, sober 5 years and thriving.

My only living parent is an alcoholic and has been since I was a teenager. They were functioning for a while but only to the outside world, for us as their kids it was always horrendous, the mood swings, the hidden bottles, the drunk ramblings and arguments, we’ve took it in turns to stay up with them to make sure they don’t choke on their own sick, they almost set the house on fire (passing out while making food) multiple times, left doors unlocked and wide open.

They tried lots of half attempts to ‘mostly’ stop but nothing ever worked, as they insisted they could still drink ‘a bit’ which of course they can’t do and they just ended up back at square one. They’re around 17 years in now (things swiftly went down hill in the last 4 years or so) and as far as I know they’re in rehab, I went no contact 18 months ago as I can’t put my own kids through the same insane relationship that I went through with them.

If they’re an alcoholic they also most likely have many other mental health issues. My parent’s various mental health issues and their subsequent parenting throughout the years have had serious long term impacts on my own mental health as a child and into adulthood.