Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

They stopped drinking. At this point, haven’t had a drink in twenty one years.

DFriend sadly unravelled after her DH died, despite friends and family supporting her and DC. Then her DC left for uni and she found solace in booze. She sadly fell down the stairs whilst drunk at a party and broke her neck. She sadly died in ICU a month later, much too young, and it's just so sad for her and her DC. She never got to meet her grandchildren. I often think of her.

I have another friend who admitted to me recently that she has a drink problem. But her much older DH enables their drinking so I'm not sure how it's going to pan out. I think the only thing that would make them stop is if their DC stopped them babysitting their grandkids.

I hope this gives you a little hope.

My DH is a recovering alcoholic. I gave him an ultimatum. Our family or the booze. He chose us and hasn't drank since.

My sister is an alcoholic and it has been a nightmare for 14 years. Every member of the family have tried to help her numerous times but she always goes back to the bottle. My husband and I tried to get her kids away from it all through social services but they said the kids needed to stay with her. She then cut contact with us for 6 years, we finally got the kids away from the abuse when they were 16 and 18 and the damage was already done to the 18 year old. Him and his sister now live with my eldest daughter and are 18 and 20 now. The 20 year old talks to no one but his sister or my 7 year old grandson, he stays in his room all the time only leaving to go to work. He comes out when everyone goes to bed and my heart breaks for him, he was told so many lies about us by his mum that he doesn’t know what’s true and what’s not. He will say hello but that’s about it and he avoids us all at all costs. He needs therapy but refuses to go and he now has no contact with his mum. My niece (18) is doing really well considering the first 16 years of her life, she is in therapy and has a fantastic relationship with my daughter and her boyfriend and she is like a big sister to my grandson. She is so much happier and can finally act her own age, she has problems mentally but is getting there.
Sorry I was rambling a bit there 😂 but basically what I am saying is get yourself and your son out of there before more mental damage is done to the both of you. We tried so many times with my sister and was there for her whenever she ended up in hospital but I have had to take a step back for my mental health.

I knew two. Both died horrible deaths.

Im sorry- if someone is gripped by alcohol, they have to want to be helped to stop. You can’t force it 😔.

My husband. He died aged 73, but had much more life to live. I’m devastated.

I know a few, we have a strong family history which I suspect is down to self medication of undiagnosed ADHD.

One died but he was much older and never managed to beat it. Three recovered, although one has since passed away from unrelated illness.

The two surviving in recovery have been sober for a very long time now and have got their lives back. One of them quit first time and hasn't touched it since and one took three attempts at AA to get sober. It probably took them about 2 years of on/off before it really stuck. I'm so proud of both of them now!

There is hope with family support but I understand that there is only so much you can take. It's a very difficult life for families of alcoholics.

One dead. The other two have given up the alcohol, it took a hugely strong desire, rehab for the one, the other has been doing AA meetings for 20 years plus, and both have a very strong family support network. Neither drink a drop these days. Also they both reached rock bottom, before they dealt with it.

Ive known 2

My first was a lifelong friend, had huge problems and ended up in hospital after vomiting blood. Fortunately it was the shock he needed to get sober (though every day was so so hard for him still). Unfortunately he died of an aneurysm within 2 years that he could have had for decades, or could have been caused by the booze, we'll never know.

My second is my cousin. Booze has completely changed her personality, she's lost her job, her marriage, her family relationships and her home, her parents have taken over care of her DCs, and she can't remember things from one day to the next. She acknowledges she has a problem but isn't ready to seek help. I don't think she'll make it to a great age unfortunately.

Several. Most have carried on drinking, their lives have shrunk to basically just alcohol until they die younger than needed from alcohol related causes

My dad was an alcoholic for at least 25 years when he quit aged 69, he's still 18 months sober now

My mostly absent father was. I think he was in prison on and off from when I was about 12, I only saw him once after that at his mum’s funeral when I was 21. Then one of those “heir hunter” companies turned up on my doorstep when I was about 33 when I found out he’d died. Not sure if it was alcohol that killed him, but it wouldn’t have helped.

My Nana. She had a very hard life and turned to drink. She passed away at 58.

I was married to one in longterm recovery. He beat the alcohol addiction, but the personality disorder and severe depression remained. (He was self-medicating with alcohol.) He was still an addict with an addict's problems, even if he didn't drink anymore.

YMMV.

3, all dead, suicide, fell and had a head injury and never pulled through and choked on their own vomit whilst in rehab…..very sad to not have a better story to tell.

I work in the music industry and have seen far far too many die youngish - thing is it’s a very social job and with live work at funny times it’s very easy to get into a just 2 or 3 after shows nightly habit - then they realise they can’t get out the habit even when not doing shows - know several too who had liver transplants and then started it all again - on the plus side I know quite a few who pulled it back and became teetotallers- they are the ones going straight to bed as soon as back at the hotel as I think many manage to stay sober but mentally struggle with socialising after shows and not drinking

My ex. I divorced him. I don’t know much about him now but I know he’s still the same waste of space and has never changed.

My uncle was too. He had been for a long time but when my aunty died, he just went downhill. I think my aunty kept him in check. Though he did manage a good few years and saw off cancer before the alcohol killed him.

She was an alcoholic from 16 to 30. She ended up going to rehab and getting herself sorted out. After she came out she went to the police and the person who abused her as a child got sent to prison 🙌

If you met her now and saw how nice her life is / how well she looks you would have no idea she was ever an alcoholic. After rehab she went to college and now shes working 2 jobs whilst raising her children. I'm so incredibly proud of her x

My Dad was an alcoholic, I was relieved when my Mum finally left him although she waited until I was through GCSEs (back in the 90s) I would have probably left home at 16 if she didn't and think she realised she needed to do something. My relationship with my father improved a bit when I didn't have to live with him (and the verbal drunken abuse) and hate gave way to pity. He lived till his late 70s but he turned into a bit of a hermit, not wanting to leave the house or even have visitors toward the end.

He had a few mini strokes towards the end and spent his last couple of months in care. I visited him at least once a month even when I lived on the other side of the country, my brothers were closer and helped him with his day to day a bit more.

One of my best friends was an alcoholic but now is several years sober, it is possible but noone can make someone go sober. My Dad never even considered it. Don't feel guilty for leaving or responsible for him though, you have a baby and you are rightly prioritising them. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him to sort himself out. My one concern would be shared custody though, would he fight you for it? Maybe to stop you from leaving if you're worried about leaving him alone with DC?

My father was one. He started drinking when I was 12. It took him over 25 years to finally die of liver cirrhosis, and it was horrible.

They died. FIL.

Someone I know is an alcoholic. Lost her job, house, husband, kid. Was in the gutter for a few years but miraculously turned her life around and is doing really well.

My ex I got him into rehab then broke up with him after once he was sober and back to work and more on his feet. As I had turned more into his mother than his partner after all the shit he put me through. He spent years after that finding himself being sober kind of changed his whole personality. But he had to throw himself into it to stay sober. That was 10 years ago and as far as I’m aware he’s still sober. But I couldn’t face living with the worry about whether any sort of stress or life event could send him back to square one. Also whilst he was in rehab as part of his 10 steps he had to be honest with me about everything that had gone on during his alcoholism and ask for forgiveness and I couldn’t move past half of the stuff he told me.

I also know two males (one family, one friend) who hold down jobs but are most definitely alcoholics. Family member lost his house through it.

Yes l knew two.
One was my oldest school friend and my first kiss age 13... we lost touch and got back in touch 20 years ago when l was looking for a gardener.. that's when l found out he had become an alcoholic... unfortunately he died of alcohol related problems age 55.
Another friend died before he 40 from same thing. Their choice of drink.. lager and whisky.

My cousin is an alcoholic.

Her relationship broke down. She moved cities and was living with all her children. She had a job but she lost it because she kept forgetting things. She would take a flask with her when she left the house and would get the shakes really bad (alcohol withdrawal). We didn’t know what was going on at that stage but she was seen screaming at her children in an absolute rage. We found out later she was spending all of her money on alcohol.

She was diagnosed with alcohol induced dementia. She had to move in with her mother and got a place in detox. She developed diabetes because the alcohol destroyed her pancreas. The alcohol also damaged her liver and she has to get the ascites (fluid build up in abdomen) drained. She needs a transplant but alcoholics aren’t eligible for a transplant and noone is volunteering to give up part of their liver to her because she’s an alcoholic and a diabetic with alcohol induced dementia.

She can’t live alone so she moved in with another family member.

None of her children live with her. It’s so sad.

She had a genetic disposition to being an alcoholic. It runs in the family. She used alcohol to cope after a family trauma. She’s ruined her life and she has destroyed her body and her brain.

It could have just as easily happened to me but I developed an illness and a side effect of that illness is I’m allergic to alcohol. I can only drink if I take steroids and antihistamines. It’s not worth it - so I just don’t drink.

You need to leave your husband. Don’t waste your time trying to save him. If he wants to do it he needs to do it on his own.