In laws telling DD she would never make it to university.

[Getbackinyourlane12]

Hi
this is more of a rant than anything else ! In laws have 8 grandchildren and the eldest has just started university ( not my DC )
my eldest has just started secondary school and so a while off yet !
DD was over at grandparents the weekend and came back a little upset questioning me about university and getting upset that she will never be able to be an Occupational therapist.
I asked where this has come from and it turns out during the weekend her cousin was talking about her new life at university and DD took an interest and said she wanted to be an OT. She is 11 so I’m aware this can change 🤣 her nan then went on to tell her that I am not setting her up for the reality of her future. To get in to university you will need to do well in your GCSES for college and then well in your A levels and unfortunately your ability is below that. What ?? She’s 11 😭😭 this has all come about because they are all huge academics and asked daughter when she got her sats results what they were.
not to drip feed there was huge health impacts and other factors than meant her primary education was not your average !
she is now able to attend school more and is a great school with great results for children who need a smaller environment but are academic.
I spoke to the in-laws and the MIL said I was misleading daughter and it was better for me now to work towards more an enable goal and have a plan for her that is realistic and not a pipe dream.

she’s 11 😭she’s a tough cookie and in my opinion extremely smart !

I disagree with your point about OT being "a very academic degree". While I would hope that any UK degree is academically rigorous, an OT degree is much more practice focused than a highly abstract subject such as mathematics. OT also requires a real range of skills and personal characteristics aside from academic ability to be a successful practitioner. I have (unfortunately) quite a bit of experience with dealing with OTs, and yes, the best ones are bright, but they also bring other skills such as empathy, care, good communication and excellent observational and problem solving skills.

I just found this overview of requirements for the OT Bachelor of Science undergrad degree at Lancaster and as you can see, the minimum GCSEs are 5 Cs, and 120 points at A-Level OR a BTEC DD (and Liverpool Uni has even more flexible entry requirements):

Minimum qualifications:
120 at A2 including Biology or PE or Psychology or Human Biology or Sociology
BTEC Extended Diploma: DDM in Health and Social Care
BTEC Diploma: D D in Health and social care
Pass Access Course: 120 UCAS points including 30 level 3 credits at Distinction
International Baccalaureate Diploma: Pass including 120 points from Higher Level Subjects
T Level Health: M
IELTS: 7.0 with no Component lower than 6.5
GCSEs: 5 at grade C/4 including Maths, English, Science/Health & Social Care
A satisfactory Criminal records declaration (DBS/Disclosure Scotland) and Occupational Health clearance are required for this course.

However, all of these courses require students pass a medical/OT screening, so it's really important that OP and her daughter understand if this is possible in light of any continuing or recurring health issues.

@Getbackinyourlane12 I think what your MIL said was terrible. I had a similar experience with my son and mother (I was not present, but my son was extraordinarily upset after a visit with her - he said nothing about it while with her). She totally dismissed his ambition while nodding along encouraging the hopes and dreams of the other children involved in the conversation. I know the children very well, and I am fairly confident that my child's chance of being an Olympic snowboarder is actually higher (even though a massive longshot and very very unlikely) than of the other child becoming a vet. The child in question has quite poor academic abilities, which could well improve with intensive academic support, but this is not forthcoming from the adults in her life. Being fond of horses is unfortunately not enough to get you on a Veterinary degree. Anyway, the upshot is that this has caused real damage to the relationship, and he does not view his grandmother in the same way anymore. He still loves her, but does not feel as 'safe' with her as previously if that makes sense.

As you can see from the Minimum Requirements bit above, there are many ways to get on an OT degree, and the academic requirements are what I would call solid rather than stellar. They are looking for a whole package of skills and attributes, and early SATs results are not the sole indicator of whether or not these skills and attributes are present at time of application. If your daughter is only 11 she still has plenty of time to make up for a patchy primary education, but you as parents will need to be on top of making sure this happens as well as getting any reasonable adjustments in place at school/for assessments incase these are needed on the basis of any continuing health or additional needs.

Good luck to you and your daughter!

There is also an interview as part of the selection process. DD had to attend an interview at all 5 of her applications

The 1% is probably the Grandmother!

@Getbackinyourlane12 I posted earlier not having read all of your posts, so will add this to my previous comment!

Wow! What resilient clever people you and your daughter are! Ignore MIL, she sounds like a status seeking bully - she is also very ill-informed if she is under the impression that only Grammar school kids do well academically. Grammar schools constitute less than 1% of state secondary schools, and many areas have no Grammar schools at all (mine included!).

Your daughter sounds very academically able to have got those scores on 20% attendance. By the sound of it, you have got her into just the right kind of school to help her catch up and flourish going forward. Well done both of you!

If she is still interested in becoming an OT in five years time, it would be a good idea to start talking to universities to see which ones will allow any necessary adaptations (due to her health) with regard to OT practicals. Your daughter's tough health experiences are likely to make her an even more empathetic OT, and if she chooses to work with CP patients could bring extra insight to her job.

You sound like an excellent mother if I may say so!

but we have never been like well don’t try then no point

I agree with your point of view. Also, agree with other posters with only 20% attendance, she did brilliant. I am sure she will be able to achieve her dreams. GM is really out of order.

Get her a tutor to catch up what she’s missed out on and see where she is in a few years! Don’t mention anything educational to her grandma either. Honestly her grandma seems toxic keep her away. your little girl should be happy and achievements celebrated not this competitive favourites rubbish.

Hi yes she worked really hard to catch up in primary. Everyone was amazed.
in the middle of primary school she had rehabilitate to including speech !
regarding tutoring like others have suggested the reason I have not got her a tutor was because school days are long and she is still in recovery from quite an ordeal. The best solution I had was to find a school that was mainstream in education but smaller classes with intergrated therapies and subject intervention’s.
if next year or the year after she is struggling I will look in to further tutoring but the cost of schooling is already eye watering.

SATS aren’t worth the paper they are written on and have very little bearing on future success. I was undiagnosed dyslexic and adhd as a child did terribly in my sats and have two MA degrees now (from a good university.

Am I the exception? No, the logical answer is a maths test you take when your 11 doesn’t impact the trajectory of your life. They are silly people OP.

Correct - they test a very narrow range of attainment.

My youngest niece failed her English SAT because she had a meltdown in one paper. She subsequently got excellent GCSE and A levels and is at a RG university (though currently on a salaried year in industry working for a major company).

I'd be absolutely outraged too.

DC2 got mediocre SATS results and is now in year 3 at uni studying a STEM subject and is expected to get a 1st.

Does your MIL have a tendency to speak her mind without thinking first? My DM, who I now believe has ADHD and autism (I do) tends to blurt out whatever is in her head and usually it is something nice but not always. At these times, I have to remember that she is generally a very kind and decent person but it is hard.

Please reassure your daughter. My youngest had to have interventions for her SATS. She got similar marks to your daughters. Despite averaging maybe 40% attendance due to ill health in years 7-9 she is now predicted 7's across the board at GCSE.

totally agree with the above OP.

I'm so mad on your behalf. Snobby ignorant know it alls, discouraging a vulnerable child. They are appauling.

Also experienced Year 2 teachers saying I'd just have to accept that a DC "just wasn't academic". Luckily they didn't hear that. Over came dyslexia and got a 1st and works for Blue chip companies. I'm really proud of them.

You sound like a very switched on and supportive mum whose got her DC through so many hurdles and she is already catching up, she will flourish. Im sure you will help her get over this latest hurdle ( but I don't think seeing the GM is a positive thing) Very best of luck to your lovely DD.

There are alternative routes into non medical healthcare professions, doesn't need to go to university. If anything I think the university route is less preferable to the apprentice route. I trained to be a physio straight out if school, and was in no way prepared or ready to support people who were dying, who were life limited, who had their life turned upside down by a stroke or an accident. I'm really good at my job now, but I look back at my early days and am horrified with some of the things I did and said. Life experience is extremely valuable, and I don't think anyone should be admitted onto these courses without a couple years of relevant experience working, such as a physio assistant, a healthcare assistant.

The best therapists I know lead with their heart, not their academics. Commen sense, empathy, commuinication skills, problem solving are all far more important than getting top grades.

That's impressive to get those scores with that attendance, all whilst battling significant health battles. Sounds to me, like your DD will go far

As an occupational therapist I think it’s amazing your daughter wants to study to become one. I found the profession as a patient on a rehab journey. I was 39 though 😅 I’m not amazingly academic but I managed to pass the academic side. It’s your communication and people skills as well as an ability to relate to people and often think outside the box that makes a great OT. Once she finishes uni she will never have write academically ever again!
Honestly, I scraped through my degree but I am a damn good OT and no one has ever asked for my degree classification. It just matters that I have one and am HCPC registered.
GPs sound absolutely bloody vile. Please tell your daughter from an OT to an aspiring one - Go become whatever you want. You can achieve anything. And you will be brilliant at it 🥰

A friend of mine, in her early 40s graduated earlier this year to become an OT after starting out 4 years ago doing an Access course. She has done remarkably well, although did find it hard at times being a single mum, but she HAS done it.
Anything is bloody possible and for your MIL to be writing her off and not encouraging her is disgusting!!

So firstly cut the toxic in laws off!! They sound vile.

Secondly I failed maths and English highers (Scotland) and still went to university at 17, qualified by 20 and now I am very well established in my career. Academia is not the be all and end all….your daughter did amazing with her 20% attendance and battling her own health issues!!

Tell in laws to go f**k themselves 🙊🤣

Dreadful and Im so sorry you both had to endure this! Remind Dgm that it is not her business to quash people’s dreams and ambitions. Also practically, you actually don’t always need a levels, there are t level and Btec routes too (or even access to health if she decides to retrain as an adult!) I’d think her challenging childhood health issues would actually help her in this field too - she’s obviously met many healthcare professionals and may have a greater understanding of things that some of her peers. Im so glad she’s recovered well and wish her every success xx

Wow. Completely inappropriate. You'd think, if the GPs are academic, that they'd be encouraging her whatever her ability. Defo agree, no more unsupervised visits with the GPs! And they also need a jolly good talking to.

Huge academics?? They're nuts. You encourage your daughter to be and aim for what she wants to be. Primary school and SATS are certainly no indicator of the future and your daughters attitude and application will count for everything.
I consider them to be extremely disrespectful of their grandaughter. Just carry on focusing on the positive as you obviously are.

I have 9 grandchildren aged 6 to 18. Eldest has just gone to Uni. Not his top choice as he needed A's but hes happy. We have a gd who messed up her GCSEs spectacularly so is now at college trying to get the grades she needs for further education. Of the others we have a child with quite severe autism but extremely bright. Id love to say he would get to Uni. We have another in PRU hoping to get some GCSEs. Another who his teachers think could do some GCSEs 2 years early. Children come in all sizes They suddenly surprise you.
Its quite nasty to classify her at so early age. Id be having words with MIL and do your best to boost your DD

@Getbackinyourlane12 my dc did kumon maths and it's excellent for improving speed and accuracy. It also only needs about 15 minutes a day and it's not that expensive. It goes at the child's own pace.

So actually she's done really well there, even if you don't take into account her huge absence, she's very much achieved the standard in one area and pretty much achieved in the other two, imagine if she'd actually been able to be there. You don't have to get 4 A* at A level to go to uni, so long as she gets mid range gcses and reasonable A levels she'll be fine, it isn't as if she's said she wants to go to cambridge and become an astronaut fgs (not that you can even tell that it would be unachievable at 11 given her health issues too). I think it's a very sensible dream job for your daughter, our OT has made a huge difference to my son's life - she must already be a very caring little person to want to do that and I hope she absolutely flies into it and proves them wrong. They should be proud of her, not telling her she can't do it. In some ways it might help though, I overheard my teachers talking in year 6 and discussing how I wasn't that bright (or at least not as bright as another pupil). It added a touch of fire to me, and I ended up absolutely smashing my gcses and A levels and going to a Russell group uni. See if you can use it as a teaching point about self belief being the most important thing.

How dare she do this. She doesn't deserve to spend time with your daughter. Your daughter deserves encouragement.

You know your child and their ability better than anyone else
believe in her and her dreams
keep going please