Cost of living or prioritising the wrong things 🤔

[Sbrown32]

Firstly, this is not to offend anyone, I just find it a interesting debate that I recently came across and wanted to know others opinions on this.

Is it the cost of living or are we prioritising the wrong things?

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

I am pregnant with my first, and looking at ways we can cut down on spending whilst I am on MAT leave, when I really looked into my spending habits I have realised that I do a lot of these myself, I get a coffee each morning usually with a breakfast meal deal of some sort, we have a takeaway each week and we spend a lot on going out, date nights, cinema trips and going to nice places to eat etc.

I haven't decided myself if I fully agree with this or not yet so please be respectful.

It depends though. Yes I’d expect two people earning a reasonable salary to afford a coffee or a meal out especially after the expensive child care years. Put one of them on minimum wage, or dropping to part time and it’s less reasonable. A single parent on part time wages much less so.

Its always been the case that people on reduced earnings have worked very hard for the basics, there’s now the expectation that the basics include things that would previously have been very out of reach to anyone on a low wage, and that the State will provide. We’re in a position where “the state” eg tax payers can’t cover the needs, much less the wants and wishes.

What makes me feel it is
(a) our money and the things we buy stayed the same but the month has got longer and longer, so now we can’t buy the same things as a year or two ago
(b) I will never ever afford the lifestyle my parents enjoyed (on modest incomes: a teacher, main pay scale, and an electrician). I’m unlikely to own a house, or rent a cottage to host my own dc and friends/ family for holidays the way my parents did. I am a teacher and OH is skilled manual, so comparable to my parents.

Both these things make me feel quite hard done by wrt cost of living and salaries!

For most working class people it’s a case of at the bills and hope a bit is left over. I buy second hand clothes. Don’t get takeaways. Take a pack lunch to work. Have free view tv. But we do have Netflix, one holiday a year (budget holiday) and occasionally I’ll treat my self to a takeaway latte. But I know these are treats. I would drop them if needed although it’s not a huge amount.

It is easily done, the odd trips and treats do add up! I think untll you actually sit down and look at your spends you don't realise how much these little things add up!

It’s also worth considering relative wealth as well. If fifteen years ago you could afford those things and now you can’t, you’ll feel aggrieved. We have as a society seen our standards of living rise year on year until about 2010, and they’ve been falling since then. So general expectations were raised and then have been dashed- I don’t think any previous generation has had to suck up such a relative fall in living standards during peacetime.

It’s very easily done, popping in to Tesco for milk and coming out £20 lighter. I was in the office on a rare day in and spent £30 between train ticket, coffee and lunch, I’m not in the office often but if I did that even weekly it mounts up. It’s throw away amounts on their own, but over the course of a day or a week it build up. That old “take care of the pennies…” wisdom.

Thank you, yes I will definitely give this a listen. Like I said its not my opinion just something I genuinely found to be an interesting debate.

Yet it’s always people woken full time on at least average salary that post here saying their struggling and the message is to cut out these things. These things aren’t the problem. This is the same argument as older people telling younger generation to stop buying avocado on toast and then they could get a £50k house deposit together.

I watch Caleb Hammer videos on YouTube, 95% of the time it isn’t an earning issue, it’s a spending issue.

Yes, these things should be taught at home too, I am not saying it should just be schools but what I am saying is, back in the day children were taught to be resourceful and make meals, sew clothes etc I think teaching kids to budget and be resourceful can easily be added into English and Maths lessons etc

It’s a bit of both and everyone is different.

some people struggle to buy the absolute basics whereas others who could once afford the extras are feeling the pinch.

we don’t buy coffee out (unless away from our home for an extended period) we don’t buy take aways but we do eat out and go to the pub, often it’s about how you prioritise

All I have to add is. Poorer areas are stuffed with betting shops, take aways, salons, alcohol shops, arcades, vape shops etc. something has changed.

They are a problem if you can’t afford them. And you’re going to struggle at point through the life course, whether that be childcare years, setting up a home, moving house, etc. My DH and I both worked two jobs to pay the mortgage, no one was paying £50 phone contracts or getting their nails done.

Usually when people post their financials and are struggling you can see where their money is going ands it often high costs for cars, phones and other consumer stuff.

Thing is, of course, if everyone cuts back on their shopping and treats, you get a vicious circle. Same happens in towns like Port Talbot with one main employer (the steel works) which closes. Basically the people who previously would be able to afford to go to the pub or a restaurant or coffee shop, get a taxi, get their nails done or a massage or go to yoga or a local bookshop or buy meat at a butcher- all those spends stop as people cut back and try to save- so then all the peripheral businesses that provide those nice-to-haves start struggling, and then they can’t afford their bills let alone treats, and so it goes on.

Is that viable?
Take easy to eat breakfast, just buy coffee or both, maybe?

With respect, if you're buying an M&S dining in deal and thinking "we've saved loads!", you're not on the front line of the cost of living crisis. Those are the people who cut coffees out a few years ago, but for whom basics have gone up and up.

There are also costs today that people have to have to just be a functioning member of society - a smart phone, broadband access at home - that my parents didn't have when I was growing up in the 1990s. There was no expectation a family would have a computer at home.

I think people also forget that the "1970s lifestyle" was also usually done with one parent/partner - usually the woman - being at home or very part time. If I wasn't working full time, I'd have enough time to cook cheap casseroles from scratch daily, shop around for bargains, visit the library weekly, mend clothes.

Snap, my ex had a good job too.
life is better now I’m divorced, less well off than my ex, happier too

I think people prioritise different things, rather than the wrong things.

I have a few friends who are very clear that they'd prefer not to have kids at all than have to give up holidays, eating out etc. And a few more who have stuck with one child, when they had previously planned two, for lifestyle/affordability reasons.

These all seem like valid choices to me.

I always had more than one pair of shoes

From your list, the only regular spend is a takeaway, cinema is bloody expensive and I'm not keen on take out coffee - I usually have my 2 cups for breakfast at home. And eating out, again anything half decent is very expensive.

I think if you have the spare cash, go for it! But as others have pointed out everything is so much more expensive than say 18 or 24 months ago without having a similar increase in income. So money is tight for a lot of people and some facing real financial hardship. This has nothing to do with prioritising the wrong things.

We have so many more essential things to pay for now compared to my parents in 1980's.

Internet, mobiles, laptops/tablets, 2xcars for getting to work, entertaining kids rather than them hanging out with their pals in the park, huge rent/mortgages, buying healthy food instead of e.g Vesta Curries feeding a family of 4, constant healthy snacks for kids, all the kids clubs and activities, white goods etc break after a few years and are no longer repairable by Dads, heating costs are huge.

In 80's rent was manageable on one wage, TV was a huge expense but lasted 20+ years, takeaways were a chippy once a year at Scarborough, Dad fixed everything, food was unhealthy, fruit was rare but home grown veg was plentiful.

I learned to cook watching my dad, who was a chef - he worked two jobs so time spent with him was spent in the kitchen. I learned to make do and mend from my mum, who repurposed most things.

I learned budgeting by watching them balance the household budget - pay your essential bills first - house, utilities, food, then save a percentage for emergencies. Anything left was for spending on a list of priorities some short term, some long term. Anything left after that was discretionary. If you couldn’t pay for it in cash, you can’t afford it. We had no money, I mean no food in the fridge, clothes falling apart no money. I started working after school aged 15 - yes while I was doing exams - because if I wanted to go out with friends or buy a new top I had to work for it, and I contributed to household expenses too because money was short. It wasn’t fun, but those lessons have served me well.

I’m able to provide for my kids but they know they need to save for things they want, my DS aged 12 looks for ways to earn money for the tech updates he wants. They know the things they have come from hard work, they know they’ll be expected to work in whatever capacity they can manage and be expected to save a decent proportion of what they earn.

We live in a time where there’s an outcry of kids are expected to work during exams years, or contribute to the household when they’re young adults, and then state that school should be filling the gaps in their budgeting knowledge, and the state should fill in the gaps for people who are under employed. People have always worked, and always had very tight times financially. Why would now be any different.

DH and I rarely get take away coffee or go out for meals / cinema. Sometimes we order the DC a takeaway but it’s more like one per month. We have plenty of disposable income just don’t see it as a good use of money. But I do have 15 hours of cleaning (cleaner also dog sits) a week.

High car leases which are always in the hundreds and are not in the realm of TV subscriptions and coffees. You’ve gone completely off the point now.

TV subscriptions - Netflix is up to £19/month, Disney plus up to £15/month, Amazon £9/month, Apple £10/month and it’s not that unusual for people to have at least two of them if not more, cos it’s only £6. A weekly coffee from a chain place can easily be £6 so £24/month. Add in getting your nails done £30 where I am, lashes/brows waxed, lifted and tinted is £60 where I am. That’s a good £160ish before the odds and sods that creep up over the month. Add in £50 for phone subscription and £30 for the kids dancing and it’s close to £250 every month. And none of those things would be considered particularly extravagant now, but are things that are entirely discretionary.

Cutting one £6 subscription isn’t going to do anything, but taking them in their totality adds up to a decent emergency fund over the course of a year.