Cost of living or prioritising the wrong things 🤔

[Sbrown32]

Firstly, this is not to offend anyone, I just find it a interesting debate that I recently came across and wanted to know others opinions on this.

Is it the cost of living or are we prioritising the wrong things?

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

I am pregnant with my first, and looking at ways we can cut down on spending whilst I am on MAT leave, when I really looked into my spending habits I have realised that I do a lot of these myself, I get a coffee each morning usually with a breakfast meal deal of some sort, we have a takeaway each week and we spend a lot on going out, date nights, cinema trips and going to nice places to eat etc.

I haven't decided myself if I fully agree with this or not yet so please be respectful.

I think YABU for overgeneralising. Lots of people struggling aren't buying takeaways or coffees. I've always been frugal and have these things a couple of times a year, but I don't think it is excessive to want to treat your family to take away once a week. It's a bit of a race to the bottom to want our standards of living to be exactly the same as 50 years ago isn't it?

As a pp has said two salaries used to mean you could afford a good lifestyle. It isn't the case now. So I would say based on this standards of living have fallen.

I think it's a mixture but today what people expect is a lot more than back in the 80s. There has always been people on the breadline and very wealthy people but now having coffees, take aways, some kind of holiday feels like it's almost expected for a reasonable standard of living. For those that can't afford it, it feels worse. Back in the 80s, it was only the very wealthy that did these things much. A take away was a occasional treat.

Mobiles, Wifi, A car, Multiple extra curricular activities for kids are pretty much necessities these days. So aswell as crazy housing costs, your wages have to pay for a lot more now.pll

There’s no doubt expectations have changed though. Whether it’s that you need two cars, that you should be able to afford takeaway coffee, multiple subscriptions, nails and lashes done, save for your kids home deposit, have a £500k pension - expectations have changed hugely.

When I left home the expectation was that I stood on my own two feet - no bank of mum and dad. I had to cut my cloth accordingly, no car, no takeaways, no nails, lashes, expensive skin care, food was cooked at home, lunches from home, no holidays, no expensive hen weekends or weddings costing £100s just as a guest. My mortgage on a one bedroom flat was over half my salary, we cut our cloth and it was tight.

People on low salaries just didn’t do that stuff because they didn’t have the money, and there was an acceptance that you’d be working to live.

Now there’s an expectation that a minimum wage wage job will allow you to do all that and more, that you can work part time because the state will fill the gap and when anyone suggests you don’t need the latest iPhone, or to buy lunch every day there are cries that a working person should be able to afford it. For decades a low income meant you were paying for housing, utilities and food.

We so rarely get takeaway (6 times a year I would guess?), I make coffee at home 90% of the time, can't remember the last time I went to cinema and only really go out to eat for special occasions like birthdays or visiting family.

No expensive holidays or hobbies either.

Our household income is about 100k pre tax and honestly all these things I now consider luxuries.

We are having to save a lot of our income for needed house renovations (think rotting wood timber and crumbling walls rather than not liking the colour of our walls) and also putting more in savings as we're late 40s and our pensions are sadly worth almost nothing.

I look at friends going to gigs or out to dinner fortnightly and wonder how they can afford it.

I think it is down to priorities in many cases. No one needs their nails done , eyelashes , Botox and lip fillers. Yet more and more you see people who aren’t high earners have those things. I’m a bit skint but I have a horse. I know exactly where all my spare money goes and that’s my choice. I don’t moan to people that I’m skint because I’m self aware enough to know I’ve made those choices. People don’t have to pick food over other stuff now, they can go to food banks , and whilst I know people don’t have choices, I do think there are people that pick ‘luxury’ items over basics as they know someone or something else will bridge those gaps.

There is a huge sense now that everyone should be entitled to the same standard of living no matter what they earn, and that is just not true.

There has always been people on the breadline and very wealthy people but now having coffees, take aways, some kind of holiday feels like it's almost expected for a reasonable standard of living.
These type of comments are just a denial of the reality lots of people live in now.
There are many people who are working hard, not buying any coffees/takeaways/holidays and only just keeping their heads above water.

That has always been the case though, hard working people earning a low wage have always struggled to do anything other than the absolute basics.

You do realise most young people can't do any of this, don't you?

I'm in my 40s and it was much easier to do all of this when I was younger (due to cheap credit and very cheap travel) than it is now.

I would say a bit of both too. There are some people who are on such low
salaries and are genuinely living hand to mouth. But for lots of people there are many things that have become routine which were considered a treat not all that long ago. I think we are all going to have get used to the idea that things have changed.

I grew up in the 70s. It was dire. People are looking at that time through rose tinted glasses. I was always cold in winter, always hungry. There was no "fun" in my childhood. Never any new clothes or toys (the rare items we got were always second hand). It was mostly a long and boring slog. If my adulthood had to be the same way I think I would have just given up on life!

I like buying myself a new top, or some hobby stuff or going out for lunch. My DC are adults so they're not being deprived of anything. I work for the money and will spend it as I please! Working just to survive is bloody miserable. People have every right to feel depressed and complain about it.

We're comfortable and not really having to tighten anything due to COL but don't do those things, I don't remember the last time we ordered takeaway and the only takeaway coffees we get regularly are the free ones from m&s café with my reward vouchers because I have a credit card with them for my work expenses. (Work pay the expenses I get the rewards vouchers)

I think this is such a stupid argument. I think Needs to be prioritised but aside from that what’s wrong with wanting to enjoy life and who gets to dictate what form that enjoyment should take?

Most definitely it should be taught in schools.
There was also initiatives to teach parents to cook in Schools as some children's diets were terrible (and still are) but budget cuts lost some of these.

Cooking from scratch doesn't have to take a long time but it's the knowing what to do (90% of the meals I make take 30mins or less from scratch). Meal planning can help if unsure. A slow cooker is a brilliant investment if you don't have one and can pick them up reasonably cheaply.
We get the occasional takeaway but it's once every few months. Likewise eating out - we can afford more often I just don't want to and its low down the priority list for me (prefer to save towards holidays!)

It's wise to batch cook and freeze before baby comes and practice eating with one hand and a spoon!

Would say sitting down with a proper budget planner and bank statements does open your eyes.
Depending on your childcare plans its also a shock to the system when you start paying that too so good to get into habits now.

comedy cook,I have a phone,we don't need more than one! It cost me £6 a month sim only.

We tend to live a quite boring, simple life compared to a lot of people we know. Some friends who moan about money could certainly cut down on a lot of luxuries. But I still think that's a symptom rather than cause of the problem. My father had a reasonable (but far from impressive) lower management job in the 70s and my mother was a SAHM. They bought a four bedroom detached house and we had foreign holidays every year. Those same houses are now going for about a million each. They are way, way out of reach of families like mine these days. People now doing the job my father was have not seen their wages increase by anything like the same percentage. Not even close. It doesn't matter how many luxuries you cut out, nothing can make up for that disparity. The world has changed.

Today, I cooked a roast chicken bought at Tesco (£4), pasta (£1) and tomato sauce with a big of veg thrown in. It has made a meal for 3 people, and 2 dogs have had dinner off the remains of the chicken. Last weekend we all went out for carvery and a modest plate for 3 people came to £62. We don't dine out much anymore as I resent the expense but last week was an exception. I have a bowl full left from today and can feed 3 people again tomorrow. Years ago this is what people did, and they didn't have ready meals until the 80's (they were expensive then). The high street and town centre marketplace had a ready made supply of raw ingredients to make family meals. They didn't have social media telling them to buy this, that and the other for the kitchen, or latest dinner trends that cost a lot to prepare. They had home economics lessons at school, whereas not all schools have food technology now. People couldn't order takeaway to the door back then, unless they phoned the local shop, and most people in my street never did that. People couldn't do an online supermarket shop or do other impulsive shopping online that could potentially arrive the next day. People didn't have access to high spend credit cards very often. Some jobs were paid out weekly in a pay packet in cash and people relied on that for the week. It is hard for people to keep track of their weekly spend with the tap, tap, tap of bank cards. People could manage on one salary households back in my youth, albeit living modest lifestyles. That doesn't happen for many people now and they are too busy to spend an hour putting a nice dinner together. If anyone ran out of food in our street, we would all share around the doors with no stigma or judgement. My Mum cooked Christmas cakes for the neighbours, they handed scones and all sorted over in return when batch baking. It was just a question of being aware of your means, and relying on your social network to get by. Nowadays, the relentless adverts on the internet and TV, as well as social media lifestyle influencers pushing this, that and the other can make some people feel they never have enough. Keeping up with the Jones' is what my Mum used to call it. I am not suggesting the cost of living isn't an economic reality for many people atm, but when times are difficult you have to adapt your behaviour accordingly and not follow social trends.

Why do you think that people on a low income prioritise smoking and drinking?

I dont think you understand what the cost of living problem is.

The point is that due to rises in cost of living, things that people used to be able to afford, they now cant.

So 5 years ago, getting a take out, or meals out, or choosing a nice holiday were affordable for me and dh. Now we cant afford those things. In our case, the increase in cost of living has impacted the quality of our life, but we are ok.

On the other hand, for someone who 5 years ago was doing OK but not buying coffees or getting take outs or shopping at will or going on holidays... that person is now struggling to meet basic bills.

Why taught in schools? It doesn’t matter what schools say if kids then go home to parents who can’t budget and meal plan, who don’t talk to their kids about finances or know how to manage their money. Like so many things it begins at home.

Exactly my point....they are pretty cheap. I also have a SIM only deal for £5 a month on my £70 smart phone. So what's the point of your husband not having one? What has him not having one saved you?

I'm not sure I agree cooking "should be taught in schools" because of the practicalities.

Thr reality is that the quality of meals you can teach in Food Tech is severely limited - with the time constraints, number of shared workstations, cost of ingredients families have to provide and that can be carried around in a school bag all day until the lesson. And then brought home that evening, without going off or spilling.

Cooking, like tying your shoes or having a wash, is something to learn at home.

Loads of people seem to have multiple pets now even when they are struggling. Pets are expensive. Years ago, if a pet had something wrong with it, it was put down. Now people spend so much money on vet care. It isn’t necessarily being kind to the pet.

I had cooking lessons at school in the 1990s.

My mother had cooking lessons at school in the 1960s.

What’s changed that you think children shouldn’t have cooking lessons now?

In the cost of living forum there were video posts about the cost of living from the 60s. It was interesting to see that just as people are struggling now, people also struggled then. Each penny was accounted for and socialising out was a very occasional thing. I do think expectations and what others can afford has a role to play in and amongst the other messed up things causing the dissatisfaction.

I think people over exaggerate the whole 'avocado toast' argument in both directions.

No, buying one Starbucks per day on its own won't make any difference in terms of saving for a house deposit.
But quitting that one coffee every day (£1k a year), and bringing a sandwich/leftovers from home instead of buying lunch from pret (£1.5k a year),
stopping manicures and reducing haircuts to 3/4 a year rather than every 6 weeks....
could easily add up to a saving of £3-4k a year. Put that in a LISA and the government tops up an extra £1000 per year - if there are two of you that could be £10k saved in one year, which alone is a 5% deposit on a £200,000 home - which might not be the average house price but is a decent amount for a first time buyer in much of the UK.

Substitute foregoing your weekly takeaway or meal out (£2600)
Or going to pure gym rather than a mid range one (£500 difference a year)
Or one less 'short haul' long weekend trip (£500-£1k)
Or an out of contract older smart phone rather than the brand new iphone plus insurance (£500 a year)
Or driving a second hand but still decent basic car rather than a brand new one on PCP (£4000 a year alone)
Shop in Aldi rather than Tesco
etc etc etc.

If you do live in a more expensive area, or are buying alone, or don't want to cut down quite as much, you might have to do those savings for 2 or 3 years. But it's not sixty, and it's not impossible, if you are willing to make sacrifices.

Of course some people aren't spending money on any of these things anyway and can't make further cuts. But many many people are.