Cost of living or prioritising the wrong things 🤔

[Sbrown32]

Firstly, this is not to offend anyone, I just find it a interesting debate that I recently came across and wanted to know others opinions on this.

Is it the cost of living or are we prioritising the wrong things?

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

I am pregnant with my first, and looking at ways we can cut down on spending whilst I am on MAT leave, when I really looked into my spending habits I have realised that I do a lot of these myself, I get a coffee each morning usually with a breakfast meal deal of some sort, we have a takeaway each week and we spend a lot on going out, date nights, cinema trips and going to nice places to eat etc.

I haven't decided myself if I fully agree with this or not yet so please be respectful.

Yes the Greggs anecdote is odd, why did you assume she wants to save money?

DH and I don’t do any of the things you mention but, even if we did, it would barely make a difference to the gap between our lives and our parents’.

We have very similar jobs to our parents but at our age they also went on two-week holidays every year, had a car each and owned 4-bed semis. They were also building up massive DB pensions ready to retire at 60. They were also at the pub or out for coffee once a week.

We own a 2-up-2-down in a fairly scruffy part of our city and we run one (old and struggling) car. We haven’t been on holiday since a long weekend in 2022 and we don’t expect to retire before we’re 70. We consider ourselves to be doing pretty well financially but obviously not by the standards of 20 years ago.

We do both own 5-year-old smartphones but I really don’t think that’s what’s making the difference.

The thing about the Greggs anecdote is that it exemplifies financial incontinence, which the OP argues is often a factor in skintness.

I often get a Greggs meal deal on my way into work on office days. I’m sure people would be judging my financial incontinence as well from just that snapshot, but it’s actually cheaper than buying the ingredients to make a packed lunch (and they do really good salads, so not all unhealthy stuff).

I get free Greggs through my banking app. Does that still make me financially incontinent? 😅

All your points are valid. We did it in 9 months, but still possible to do-even if it takes 2 years. We ditched our travel cards and walked, every single pound was considered. The main bonus was no children, that’s what I think makes it hardest.

Easy to say you could do it for 2 years when you didn't have to and haven't actually done the sums.
If the rent is more expensive, the room might be further from work. How are you giving up your travel cards then? (For example)

As most have said, it’s both but I agree with PP who suggested in a country as wealthy as this, people should be paid enough to afford a £3.50 coffee on the way to work.

No
its people who say that they are skint and still have takeaways.

No. No, no no.

This country is not wealthy enough to buy £3.50 cups of coffee as a daily ritual.

My brain has never generated any dopamine nor serotonin from buying things, nor having things - not even books
Doing things (and that includes reading books) however ... :)

That’s nearly a grand a year. Ridiculous, especially when one can make it at home for one tenth the cost.

A lot is skewed by the distortion of house prices in the SE. I live in the NE where there are pockets of high house prices but equally both my DC have managed to buy a house on their own in their 20s.
However my DC in their 20s grew up with a better standard of living, holidays abroad, eating out were normal but we were still frugal in many ways and they have continued that way. Both fairly well paid but in public sector jobs and both bought houses in their 20s, both go abroad for holidays. Their standard of living is higher than mine was at 26.

There are some basics expenses which simply didn't exist when I had a young family. Internet, phone, tv subscriptions. Most people have these now and don't consider them a luxury. Could easily add £100+ a month to outgoings, so it's not just housing costs which have gone up.
I grew up never having takeaways, the first time I went to a restaurant I was 18, never had holidays abroad.
I do some or all of those things now but have never bought coffee out unless in a cafe, always took a packed lunch to work.

Unless that person is spending your money, you don't really have a say in what they buy and how much they spend on coffee.

But that’s the point, people are complaining about the cost of living and how they should get more free childcare, lower taxes, etcetc at our expense, but they don’t want to curb frivolous lifestyle spending.

If they are not on the dole, I don’t care what they do.

People on the dole are not getting daily takeaway coffees.

I know several families in temporary accommodation (B&Bs/travelodges) who buy greggs for breakfast, as it is hot, fairly filling for the price and they are not allowed to prepare food in their rooms. But I also know plenty of people who think nothing of hurling tenners at fast food providers while wailing about how skint they are. You just can't tell from an outside glance.

But I do agree somewhat with OP that peoples expectations have changed and some behaviours have been normalised by social media and television - I remember in the early days of Eastenders how strange it felt that everyone was constantly eating in the caff or picking up food/drink to go from there. A plot device surely so that characters could interact with each other - but now it feels normal. Made up telly people became the nation's peer group and now it's pretend (and heavily edited) people on the internet.

This is very true. In my mid twenties (25 years ago) I had a housemate who genuinely believed that 'Friends' was how people in their twenties actually lived.

This was at a time when coffee shops in bookstores were becoming a thing. He was most put out that I did not want to get in the car at 11am on a Sunday morning and drive us four miles to the out-of-town WH Smiths with a Costa up in the mezzanine, just to buy and drink a cup of coffee when we had a perfectly good machine in the kitchen. We were call centre workers earning less than £12k at a time when an Americano was about £2 and a cappuccino closer to £3.

we didnt have internet or mobile phones, but we had to rent our landline phone, we rented a tv, we rented a washing machine, the Rumbelows' specials.... our entertainment wasnt netflix, but was the local dodgy video shop. we had fish and chips as our only takeaway 3 or 4 times a year because it was a treat and that was what we could afford. Not a coincidence that we were all skinny wee things....

i think no matter when or where you live, your outgoings somehow match your incoming.

I was talking about how people have been hooked on cheap, readily available disposable things/ crap food/ as a source of Dopamine
Eg the dopamine is shortlived. and you buy iy again and again

If you read/ do things to get your dopamine then I wasn't referring to you obviously

Yea I agree with this to some extent.
But housing costs have gone up massively in relation to salaries.
My union produced a graph recently showing the technical pay cut we've had in the last 10 years based on inflation, it is shocking.
I think it's both, there IS a cost of living crisis, people aren't getting paid as much AND people waste a lot of money on things they don't need. People don't want to sacrifice things for a house. My SIL is saving for a house, constantly complaining about how hard it is to save yet always has her nails, hair extensions and recently a boob job. 🙃
I just believe even without all that, it is still harder than it used to be.

Obviously I haven’t done the figures because I’m not in that position? And where did I say it’s easy? It was hugely easy fir 9 months so it’s magically going to be one easy fir 2years.
But it can be done and I’d do it.

Tbf having small children is really hard. I think it's good to have a balance and some treats . I would try some really nice coffee and meals at home but also it's good to get out of the house each day. So keep the stuff that really gets you out and helps your MH and bin ones that's an easy replacement at home. And learn to make use of special offers / Black Friday etc on the day to day stuff you use all the time (hand soap, loo roll , cleaning stuff , shampoo ). If you do that and stock pile those boring things a little it also gives you a bit more mental space to focus on buying nice meals on your food shop.

Everyone is different we are a 2 house income but we still have a takeaway now and again we aren't well off by any means we don't go on holidays and occasionally go put for a Date night

Never ceases to amaze me how middle class people do not understand that some people within non working classes/low waged DO spend money unnecessarily on these things - see also weed, vapes, booze, energy drinks, nails, smart phones, tattoos and cheap takeaways.
At the expense of food and heating, school shoes, winter coats, breakfast for the kids before school and basic toiletries

way way more common than people realise.
Those of us who work in poor communities know this full well.

no judgement - the reasons are complicated but it happens loads