To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

Oh do keep up. The faux naiveté isn't believable.

OP from what you've written the professor didn't say you are difficult, or that you are 'marring your child's life's. He has simply said it must be difficult for your daughter to hold values that you disagree with. Which seems a reasonable thing to say. I think many of us experience conflict between our own and our parents' views on many things, I know I do, and that definitely can be difficult.

I'm an academic and have some students who are the first in their families to go to university. They sometimes comment that their parents don't understand their university life/desire to achieve academically/need for study etc etc.(My own parents thought I was crazy to quit a permanent job to undertake a PhD). So I can sympathise with them and might say 'that must be difficult' for them. That does not mean I think their parents are being difficult or that their parents are trying to harm them.

Wow. As someone who pays a lot of attention to listening skills, I would say that prof was just reflecting back something DD was telling him: something she finds difficult (and with good reason). There is nothing in what is reported that he said that suggests ANY opinion on the issue at all.

Because this is an anon forum!

Just like I wouldn't moan about my husband to my friends but might on here.🙄

So it's obviously two against one in your house. That's probably why she is seeking support outside the family.

Lol.
Being deluded

I am a feminist but absolutely NOT a TERF. Those two things do not naturally go together imo. How can you believe in one set of humans’ right to equality but not another’s? That’s not rational. And sex and gender are two separate things. Throughout history the venn diagram of sex/gender was never two neatly separate circles. Some of history’s most wonderful beings have lived in various parts of the overlap. Why is it so hard for some people to just live and let live? Fear? A desire to control? Picking on and harshly judging people who are just trying to live happy lives and express themselves as they see fit is mean and unnecessary.

This, what did she want to get out of telling your other dd, as am sure she knew it'd get back to you? I would tell her you know what she said, and that her being your dd is 'very difficult' for you.

Oh do keep up. The faux naiveté isn't believable. Takes as much time to type what is term TERF as it does to google Terf

I don’t think the OP should or would say this, she obviously loves her DD very much.

You're talking about the TRAs aren't you? Why is it so hard for some people to just live and let live? Fear? A desire to control? Picking on and harshly judging people who are just trying to live happy lives and express themselves as they see fit is mean and unnecessary. with the vitriol and hatred they have for anyone who doesn't concede to them aren't you? What a succinct synopsis of how they behave and want to control people!

I'd consider TERF a slur. It's created by men isn't it? I'd be disgusted in her use of the word and appaled a professor hadn't called her up on it.
You're a woman who believes in science and woman's rights.

Shame the dd isn't very loving or caring!

Your dd should not have told you
(sibling rivalry has a lot to answer for)

It is "being kind" to believe in and propogate trendy nonsense?

I can't think of a pithy one off hand, but thought perhaps an acronym might have already existed. Will work on it...

How about Delusional Arse-kissing Foolish Trendies? DAFTs.

Calling it grooming is an overstatement bordering on offensive when you consider the implications of ACTUAL grooming

your DD is at an age where she is working out who she is. She needs time.

Your other DD is a shit stirrer

But you don't.

As you yourself say, you are a terf and in her current set up to an extent your views do marr her life. She has close friends who are trans and who you essentially think are somehow ‘lying’ or that they shouldn’t exist as themselves or have the right to be safe. That means she can never be her whole self with you as you tip toe round each other. You need to suck it up, you hold views that many people fundamentally find offensive, including your daughter.

I think you’re reading too much into his comment - he hasn’t said you’re ‘evil and unkind’. I’d be offended if I was your DD, to be told something must be ‘difficult’ for me when it sounds like you and DD have handled having differing points of view very well so far. I would hope for DD to have responded, Not particularly, I get on very well with my DM and respect her opinion as she respects mine.

My DS calls me a TERF, however I take it as a massive compliment.

To me it means that I believe in biological sex, I fully support biological females having the right to sex segregated spaces, such as changing room and toilets. I fully support biological females having access to fairness in sport and not having to complete against biological males. I fully support the right for biological females to have access to same sex medical care, shelters and rape crisis centres.

My son had this discussion in one of his lectures at Uni, but it was centred around Sport. The vast majority of his peers agreed that sport should be segregated by sex, to ensure the fairness, safety and inclusion of biological women. One of the lecturers asked them about intersex people and I was pretty proud of my DS, who responded that a small amount of people have developmental disorders, but they are still either male or female and that there have been lots of males, who have competed in women’s sport when they should not. The lecturer was fine with his response, but there were one of 2 girls who decided to start giving him dirty looks. He just shrugged it off and said to me ‘they will realise one day that they have been brain washed by a load of lunatics, but hopefully it’s a daft social idea they will grow out of’.

Hopefully your daughters will, in years to come, realise how silly all this has become. Until then, just carry on being a supportive Mum and let them live in their gender bubble.

You have no idea what any of it is actually about, do you? Feminism is about women, not men. Men who feel they are women have their own movement. Feminism is for female people, including the ones who reject their own sex. Not for males whatever they do.

"random dude for bro cookies". Good grief, get off the internet and learn some proper vocabulary.

It's not that anonymous

Newspapers and outlets pick up threads from here and share them on social media

OP's daughter could easily see this thread elsewhere and know it's about her and be hurt that her mother has gone online to rant about her (and gain all the sympathy from all the anti-trans MNers who just love to get a good rant about how evil and abusive and whatever transpeople and trans supporters are)

What about the people who find the open misogyny of the “trans rights” movement offensive? Who do we complain to?

On reflection the professor may have been scared for his job. So many women have lost theirs for saying men can't be pregnant.