To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

Mumsnet, apparently

It's a sad world when believing in biology is termed 'radical'.

Where has there been any suggestion that the OP or any other TERFs think that trans people shouldn't exist or the right to be safe. Please do stop making things up

Yes sex and gender are two different things.
Sex is biological and gender is a social construct.
You can’t change your sex and identifying as a different to gender to your sex doesn’t magically mean you have changed sex.

People absolutely should live their own lives in a way that makes them happy but that doesn’t mean changing the rules of science. A trans woman is still a biological man.
As women I will prioritise women’s rights and the safety and privacy of biological women. That doesn’t mean I will victimise trans people, harass them or cause them harm. I will treat them with respect. But as biological men, they should stay out of women’s sport and women’s spaces.

I’m also interested in this idea of equality. What rights don’t trans people have? Where is the inequality? Because from my perspective it’s biological women who are suffering.

And transpeople are far beyond "trendy" and "new"

But hey ho

Transpeople are an easy target for hatred and you can get away with abusive and offensive language to them

oh and the Supreme Court, if that means anything? Which has ruled that women means biological women.

Logic and fact, and everything else is ignored.

I would simply not engage in any discussion where the other person was making no sense or living in a fantasy land.

If they wished to complain about me to other people who share their views, I could not take that seriously anyway, but I understand this is your daughter so it’s bound to hurt.

I don’t think there is anything to be gained going forward, in discussing your differences in opinion. Just offer motherly love and conversation about how her course is going, what she’d like for Christmas and what she’s planning on doing after uni.

I don’t know. It is a half story. The fact that she told her sister makes me feel that she agreed with the Prof but who knows?

Sure but I think the question was phrased as "well you've got your professor, who can I have a moan to". I think the SC is less likely to answer your various family dynamic related beef at 1pm on a Sunday.

thought terminating clichés R US

Did you never even once say something negative about your mother to someone else? If not, you are a very rare breed.

Have you ever tried Google search?

Such bullshit. Where has the OP said that trans people are liars, that they shouldn’t exist or have the right to feel safe? Such hyperbole which is standard for proponents of trans ideology.

Believing in biological reality and not adhering to the Emperor’s New Clothes 2025 edition isn’t akin to denying the existence of trans people nor thinking they shouldn’t have the right to feel safe. Kind of like acknowledging anorexic people exist but not affirming that they are fat.

Who has said trans people shouldn’t exist? Or don’t have the right to be safe? Nobody! It’s this type of ridiculous comment that causes half the issues!

I find men taking over women’s spaces offensive. I find the erasure of the word woman offensive. And I don’t feel safe with men invading my spaces.
Don’t you care about that?

I presume from your user name you are a fully grown adult. Yet you "gleefully" upset your dad to win "brownie points" over your sister. I'm not sure I'd go around admitting to adolescent behaviour like this.

Stop being so naive in suggesting all these comments about "delusional", "biology" etc aren't saying transpeople exist and should be safe

Most people do. And everyone that knows Mumsnet knows what DD means surely

I didn't say trans people were trendy or new. One of my dearest friends went through a sex change operation back in the day when he had to live and dress as a woman for two years before they would operate. Dead now from a drug overdose.

But the weird fashion for it now and the forced change of language and the removal of hard-fought-for women's rights and the damaging of impressionable teens and children is new and very trendy, and a form of social contagion also.

The only hate I see is towards women who want to keep a few things and spaces for themselves and believe in biological reality.

You are just making things up and I see that several others have also called you out on your fabrications.

What don't you understand in the post?

Everything is clear to me, apart from not having heard of TERF...but a quick Google search will enlighten you.

Never thought of that

Can be especially as id expect a professional to have more boundaries with a student especially when talking about personal matters. He doesn't know op and has no idea about the dynamics of their differences in opinion. I have many different opinions to that of my children, I dont expect a teacher to plant seeds that thats any kind of an detriment to my child's wellbeing.

Where is the hatred? Saying you believe in biological reality doesn’t mean you hate trans people. What a stupid argument.

What about the hatred aimed at women who are fighting for their rights? Or does that not matter?

I guess we only care about men’s feelings eh?

OP the thread is descending into the usual pitched argument between two sides (spoiler alert, it's unlikely to be resolved on this forum and everyone's just going to waste their lovely Sunday getting their blood pressure up).

Have you taken anything from this thread? I think you maybe can see that what DD and prof said was pretty innocuous. I hope it doesn't tarnish your relationship with her because it sounds like you're in a good place. And I don't imagine you're the sort of woman who wants their kids to blindly adopt and parrot everything you say, anyway!