To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

Now, in your post you said:

”the vast majority of trans women are bravely dealing with challenges … that make their lives so much harder than the non-trans population”

So being trans is far worse than being gay? (Gay people are in the “non-trans population”; disabled people too; poor people, etc.) Why are trans women’s lives “so much harder” than anyone else? Does a middle-aged, financially secure white man who wants to be a woman have a life that is so much harder than a poor black disabled woman? Why?

I’ve had lesbian relationships. Let’s go through it slowly: I didn’t find it remotely tough to be gay. I have lots of other social advantages, and I would certainly never claim I had it far worse than anyone else. Why is being trans any different?

I'd carry the monika TERF with pride. Don't be hurt.

You have a logical, science-based opinion, and you defend the hard-won rights of women & girls, including your dds.

That one of your dds thinks you are wrong is nothing to worry about, as long as you have considered her view rationally and rejected it on the basis of fact.

Your dd is young & idealistic. She doesn't yet understand the harm that men do. In 20 years she will probably have changed her view.

TERF is a derogatory term.

The issue is about males. Not 'trans' population. And how dare feminists challenge males who want to steal womens awards and spaces. How dare we! What a 'challenge' males have from us uppity wimmin!

Thank you for the practical demonstration that you have absolutely no idea whatsoever what this is actually about.

Did gay males seek to enter female only safe single sex spaces? No.
Did gay males re-define women to be read as 'menstruators', 'cervix-havers', 'chest-feeders', 'birthing person'? No.
Did gay males seek to trans the gay children away? No.
Did gay males suggest lesbian women should take 'lady cock'? No.
Did gay males suggest lesbian girls should amputate their tits? No.
Did gay males tell women and men to sterilise and castrate themselves? No.

Gay males took NOTHING from women.

This is a male sexual rights and male supremacist movement. This is not 'Gay 2.0'.

It does not demonstrate your point at all. You still haven’t explained what specific challenges trans people face. Telling people they have an ‘attitude’ or that they are ‘ranting’ isn’t answering the question.

I think it’s a bit silly not to realise that being gay has no impact on the rights of anyone else. A man saying they’re a woman does. Was that slowly enough for you?

I always love being patronised by someone who doesn’t understand the subject, it’s quite common on here, especially on other boards where people aren’t so knowledgeable about it all as FWR. Obviously people who come to FWR to lecture know what they are doing, generally.

Very sensible approach, @Dahliadaily

There’s only one person here coming across as a “bit silly”. Are you aware that actual gay men and lesbian women are expected to pretend they are attracted to some members of the opposite sex by the “progressive” trans movement? And that straight men think they have the right to be called lesbians and muscle in on events for lesbians?

Also, are you under the impression that LGB people no longer face prejudice and only “trans people” do, @PrettyPollyPlease? Some of it is coming from inside the LGBT house, in fact.

This 100%
YADNBU
She’s young and impressionable and It’s akin to brainwashing her imo.
He should be neutral and keep his personal views to himself.
I wouldn’t be at all happy about it either.

You know, because gay guys are “always completely at liberty to” just hook up with some chick “any time he chooses”

now you are just being silly

This X 💯. Gay people are shit sick of being used as stalking horses by people who have no connection to them. Perhaps those few confined to the bubble of academe will be the last to grow out of this idiocy though.

It puts me in mind of those creepy influencers who say “I’m your family now”.
At the very least it sounded as though there’s a right way to think about this and a wrong way. Universities surely ought to be places where opposing views are aired and debated.

"that must be really difficult for you"
He hasn't given an opinion there, I'd say he's the definition of neutral!
He's just said "it must be difficult for you" to her when she's spoken about having different views to you.
Which it is, it is difficult to talk to some friends/family members about certain topics.
Race, sexuality, trans issues, politics are ones I find best to stay away from for said difficulties 🙄😁

Okay @PrettyPollyPlease let’s go through it slowly ...

Campaigners for gay/equal marriage rights didn't call those in opposite-sex marriages, homophobes.

Campaigners for gay & lesbian rights didn't call those who talked about heterosexuality, homophobes.

Campaigners for gay & lesbian rights didn't tell straight people that if they weren't prepared to have same-sex sex, they were homophobes.

Campaigners for gay & lesbian rights didn't say that anyone using words to describe heterosexual relationships were homophobes, and require them to change their language.

Campaigners for gay & lesbian rights didn't require straight people to fundamentally redefine their sexuality, or be called homophobes.

So dramatic. It was two adults having a conversation. He knows her views and her friends so he correctly guessed that it was hard for her to have a mother who thinks oppositely to her. He isn't going to talk about how it is for OP because he's (presumably) never met OP. For all he knows, OP thrives on conflict.

Universities should be places where opposing views are aired and debated but this professor does not, during a casual conversation where a student has shared something personal and painful for her, have to pretend to have an opposing view to challenge her on hers. That would be grossly insensitive aside from everything else.

OP's daughter is allowed to connect with people who agree with her about things.

I disagree. It sounded like was just showing empathy to HIS student. He didn't share his view on the subject. .

The difficulty your “Attitude” argument faces, is that it GC thought has already been found to be “WORIADS” in court.

Gender Identity precepts have never actually been tested to see whether they are WORIADS, and actually it would require someone to articulate what it is they actually believe in a coherent way.

You also fail to recognize that usually the problems trans people face predate their transition and do nothing to solve it.

I sympathise with your political views, but I suspect you are misunderstanding what might have gone on in that tutorial. He could have been indoctrinating her, I suppose, but he was probably making a politically neutral non-commital statement that was about his role as a tutor to his student. Students say heaps of things I disagree with, but if I’m trying to help them with their learning, I’m not going to go all hammers and tongs in opposition to their views. I’ll be gentler than that.

But whatever went on, fundamentally you’re wrong. Your daughter’s tutor has absolutely no responsibility towards your views or feelings; his relationship is with his student, not her parent.

And your view of what universities “should” be doing is a bit impractical. We debate ideas in relation to what the students are learning, but it sounds as though your DD was in a personal tutorial, not a lecture or seminar.

🙄 rhe Trouble with this bullshit is that you all conveniently ignore the existence of female to male trans people.

They don’t cause women as many problems. No one is “ignoring the existence” of a group of women who claim to be men.

No we don’t it’s just we know they are women and therefore don’t pose the same threats to us as men.

Not 'bullshit' at all 🙄

Women are not an issue for men in men's spaces in the same way that men are an issue for women in women's spaces.