To expect Sunday Dinner as the agreement?

[TipJarTroubadours]

Small details changed but the short of it is:

1. We allow people to stay in self contained accommodation for 'free'
2. The only 'cost' is attendance to Sunday dinner
3. Aibu to refuse to let someone stay (or charge them market rent) if they don't attend dinner

The long of it is

DH and I own a residential static caravan site. It has been in DH family a long time. It has great transport links to a major city.

We allow close family/friends to stay rent free whilst they attend uni in the city/start a new job. We have had 15 different people over the years, some for six months, the longest five years.

Currently house DS and nephew who are both at uni and DHs best friends daughter and her partner who has just started an apprenticeship. All four attend Sunday dinner, as have the 15 beforehand.

(For those that are interested, I cook the meal and then they take turns to make/buy a pudding and wash up (most goes in the dishwasher) I have had one with severe allergies who used to bring their own food, and one that was fussy so I used to make them beans on toast every Sunday. )

My sister's son has been living with us since September, I was very clear on the rules- it might seem odd but for a 10k saving a year I expect attendance at one meal a week.- they both knew about this.
Since starting he has attended one, preferring to go to the pub/gym/game on a Sunday. It has been raised with him and we have said if he doesn't attend then we will charge him rent (we have other uni students renting although they are all mature)

I have gone to my parents for half term and have just met my sister and told her the same. My parents and her think I am completely unreasonable to ask him to attend Sunday dinner, I think they are completely unreasonable to expect me to house him for free after agreeing to my rules ( there are costs involved for me, utilities etc plus not being able to rent it out)

I've said he has to attend tomorrow or I will bill them from now until Christmas and if it isn't paid will evict at Christmas.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my nephew to do what he agreed to in return for accommodation? (I don't think I am, even if expecting to attend dinner is unreasonable, he has agreed to the terms, he could have just rented halls)

These threads are always a bit wild because people seem confused about the question being asked.

You are providing rent free accomodation with one condition attached. All relevant parties were in full possession of the facts before your nephew moved in to take advantage of the rent free housing. He is not meeting the stipulated condition for receiving accomodation free of charge so you are within your rights to charge rent as you said you would if he did not honour his side of the bargain.

Whether it weird or controlling is irrelevant. You have not obtained tenants by deception. He knew the rule and agreed. If he did not like the rule he was free to avoid it by paying rent either to you or another landlord. I'm not sure why people think your rule is relevant, you were completely clear about your expectations before he moved in.

Imagine it:

You’re 19yr old student, hungover as fuck on a Sunday. You want to stay at home, eat pizza in your pjs (or work on an essay), sleep, and watch telly. But nooooo…. Aunty Strange demands lunch / dinner attendance or eviction.

How enticing.

It's a Sunday dinner cult based in a static caravan park.

When they make a film about it Steve Pemberton will play OP.

Well yes, it's an odd rule, and not one I'd personally make. But it's what you've stipulated in lieu of rent and it's the deal they agreed to. The fact it's dinner every Sunday is beside the point really - you could just as easily have said you wanted them to clean your bathroom, mow the lawn... anything. Not attending Sunday dinner kind of equates to not paying your rent in this scenario.

So she can control people.

This makes me think of an episode of some cop show where a woman kidnapped younger people and forced them to have tea parties dressed as dolls

I was wondering something similar.

Lunch, eviction, or rent....

I mean, it's very odd, but it is an arrangement nephew signed up to voluntarily.

.....and you've got to drag yourself out to the nearest Londis to buy the compulsory trifle you have to take with you as your offering.

it might seem odd but for a 10k saving a year I expect attendance at one meal a week.- they both knew about this.

It doesn't seem odd at all.

It seems completely batshit and controlling.

You're literally buying people's company because they can't afford to accommodate themselves at the current market rate.

Like giving money to a homeless person but insisting they jump through hoops, in order to accept it.

So you manipulate young people, on pain of being evicted, to come to your house, for some reason that you cannot explain. !!

That is beyond creepy and I'd forbid my ds from coming anywhere near your house.😟

This is giving me “The Landlady” from Tales of The Unexpected vibes or “Annie Wilkes” from Misery. It’s so bizarre and controlling that it’s disturbing. It seems like serial killer or cult like behaviour. It also has to make for the most awkward and uncomfortable meal ever.

Is there any possibility of you explaining why you have this rule, OP? What exactly is the purpose?

Given it’s a rule they agreed to, no you are not in the wrong to enforce it. Technically. However it is creepy and weird, and does beg the bigger, and much more interesting, question of why do this? Dont you have friends? Why on earth would you compel people who need accommodation to eat with you? Batshit.

This is really weird, OP. I mean, the free accommodation is a really kind thing to do, and technically yes you've made the rule clear so would be within your rights to evict someone for non-compliance, but... it's just such a weird rule. Why are you so insistent that they have to attend Sunday dinner?

It's giving off cult vibes tbh.

One leg tied to the chair whilst they shovel down Yorkshire pudding.

The fact it's dinner every Sunday is beside the point really - you could just as easily have said you wanted them to clean your bathroom, mow the lawn... anything.

I think him mowing the lawn in exchange for free accommodation would be much more reasonable and less strange.

Right, great, nice deflection.

Are you going to bother answering the question you've been asked multiple times now of WHY exactly this is a red line for you, of what the reason is you insist on other adults attending Sunday dinner with you on pain of eviction? Why is attendance at Sunday dinner so important to you?

Reminds me of the Gilmore girls Friday night dinner 🤣 What if they’re not terribly hungry?! I suppose your rules is your rules, but if I was going to do something nice for someone like give them free digs, I wouldn’t want set that sort of expectation - spending time with someone under duress of losing your home does not equal ‘quality time’

That's the point. The OP doesn't offer this to strangers. They are inviting their family and close friends to spend time staying with them and join them for one meal a week while doing so.

From the OP's posts they are fine with exceptions, but this guy haven't even try to communicate or arrange things, he is just ignoring them

I don’t know why you’re getting a bit of a hard time here OP, I think your rule is fabulous! There’s something slightly eccentric about it, in the very best way - of all the rules that could have been put in place, having to attend Sunday dinner is just brilliant.

Allowing friends and family to live rent free is an amazing gift, particularly in this day and age when rents are hideously astronomical and even more so when one is at university and every penny counts.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable in the slightest. The rule was clear upfront, and if it’s broken then you’re well within your rights to now charge full rent.

Should my circumstances ever change, I will be looking out this thread to become your friend. Free accommodation and a home cooked meal once a week would make me very happy 😄

😂😂😂

I'm very interested as to why OP can't/won't say why this matters so much.

I think if I had young relative "lodgers" it would be nice to have lunch with them once in a while, nice to think they'd give me the time of day in exchange for living rent free, but I wouldn't want to be tied to every Sunday any more than they would.

Why do you want him there?

It's weird, massively controlling and YABU to have this (quite sinister) rule for young relatives.