To expect Sunday Dinner as the agreement?

[TipJarTroubadours]

Small details changed but the short of it is:

1. We allow people to stay in self contained accommodation for 'free'
2. The only 'cost' is attendance to Sunday dinner
3. Aibu to refuse to let someone stay (or charge them market rent) if they don't attend dinner

The long of it is

DH and I own a residential static caravan site. It has been in DH family a long time. It has great transport links to a major city.

We allow close family/friends to stay rent free whilst they attend uni in the city/start a new job. We have had 15 different people over the years, some for six months, the longest five years.

Currently house DS and nephew who are both at uni and DHs best friends daughter and her partner who has just started an apprenticeship. All four attend Sunday dinner, as have the 15 beforehand.

(For those that are interested, I cook the meal and then they take turns to make/buy a pudding and wash up (most goes in the dishwasher) I have had one with severe allergies who used to bring their own food, and one that was fussy so I used to make them beans on toast every Sunday. )

My sister's son has been living with us since September, I was very clear on the rules- it might seem odd but for a 10k saving a year I expect attendance at one meal a week.- they both knew about this.
Since starting he has attended one, preferring to go to the pub/gym/game on a Sunday. It has been raised with him and we have said if he doesn't attend then we will charge him rent (we have other uni students renting although they are all mature)

I have gone to my parents for half term and have just met my sister and told her the same. My parents and her think I am completely unreasonable to ask him to attend Sunday dinner, I think they are completely unreasonable to expect me to house him for free after agreeing to my rules ( there are costs involved for me, utilities etc plus not being able to rent it out)

I've said he has to attend tomorrow or I will bill them from now until Christmas and if it isn't paid will evict at Christmas.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my nephew to do what he agreed to in return for accommodation? (I don't think I am, even if expecting to attend dinner is unreasonable, he has agreed to the terms, he could have just rented halls)

Of course it is unusual but if a grandparent offered to house and feed one of your children through their time in university with the only stipulation being that they came for dinner on a Sunday evening surely you wouldn't think it odd and you would encourage your young adult child to attend as a way of saying thank you.

I don't think it is creepy or controlling. It sounds like a wonderful way to check in on the youngsters who are in your care - because they are in your care, young adults or not. I don't think you are at all unreasonable.

If it was a gesture it would be an optional invite. It’s an enforced rule to such an extreme level if they don’t do it they need to pay rent, it’s horrific.

op, if it’s not religious, what is it, why are you threatening him like this?

Oh gawd I’ve got to go and have Sunday dinner with my weird aunt again.

Is that really what you want OP?

She lends money to pay for her grand-daughter's education ONLY if they accept to go to her for Friday nights diner. Every single Friday, no exception, ever.

Are you also forgetting if he doesn’t do it he is threatened with eviction or paying market rent. That’s what makes it weird and creepy.

But.. can the OP even cook?

Is it actually an enjoyable evening? Is it a treat, or a real punishment? So many questions 😂

"No one is chained to the caravan."

I wouldn't be so sure of that.

The moocher is always free to move along, if he finds that too high a price to pay.

Perhaps by attending a series of these meals he'll learn something about give & take, about being part of a community, about respecting people who are doing him a favour.

That you are refusing to tell us why this rule exists makes you sound far more unsettling than just telling us that you have a rare condition where your head falls off if you don’t have half a dozen guests to hold it in place for you during Sunday dinner, or whatever the real reason is.

But that isn't the reality. This isn't charity, no one in this situation is destitute.

They could spend their wages or their student loan on accomodation elsewhere, this is a complete choice.
The vast majority of university students pay extortionate rent and manage.

This is quite possibly one of the weirdest things I've ever read. Make a good plot for a horror movie 😂
As to suggesting OP might be Christian and it's some sort of religious thanksgiving Sunday dinner - why would you force someone to attend? It doesn't mean anything. Not particularly generous/Christian to give anything with strings attached is it?
This is her nephew? He clearly wants to keep well away from the crazy... I don't blame him for not wanting to go, I wouldn't want to and I'm sick of cooking! 😁
As to why he agreed to these rules in the first place? Probably, like most of us, couldn't actually believe it's to be taken too seriously.
WTAF??

The offer is a lovely gesture.

Insistence that people attend or be booted out of their accommodation and that being a "rule" is not remotely "lovely". It's extremely and very weirdly controlling. Trying to control other people and where/what they eat and at what times isn't "lovely".

You never force people to have respect for you, you earn it. You can force them to suck it up and do whatever you want, but respect wont' be there.

I really doubt it. He’d learn how not to treat people; if I was his parent I’d want him to leave;

She said it isn't religious.So...

Well I say. One of the most entertaining public tantrums I have read on here.

In a way, it's quite sweet if flip it on it's head. This is a chance to a, save money, get on with their adventures of uni etc but also hopefully make a nice friendship around the dinner table. Tbh, if someone had been able to offer me this set up while at uni I would've thought I had landed on my feet. Providing of course, nobody around the table was insufferable!

I don't mind that, I get that people think it is weird. That's fine. But being likened to a rapist...

It’s controlling and to me deeply unpleasant to force people, under threat, to have dinner with you every Sunday.

Why are you still avoiding the question?

WHY is it so important to you that people attend your Sunday dinner?

Hi Emily gilmore

Is it too soon to nominate this for Classics?

I think it’s a great idea , wish I’d had family close to my son’s uni with the same set up . Nothing unreasonable about it at all. Nephew shouldn’t have moved in if he didn’t agree with the terms!

I think it’s quite good for a young person to know that nothing is completely free. If you want something for nothing, there’s usually some pay-off, even if it’s only a social convention, involved.

sweet if it was optional. Weird and controlling if it’s attend or you’re evicted or paying market rates. Surprised at the people pretending that’s not what she’s saying.