To expect Sunday Dinner as the agreement?

[TipJarTroubadours]

Small details changed but the short of it is:

1. We allow people to stay in self contained accommodation for 'free'
2. The only 'cost' is attendance to Sunday dinner
3. Aibu to refuse to let someone stay (or charge them market rent) if they don't attend dinner

The long of it is

DH and I own a residential static caravan site. It has been in DH family a long time. It has great transport links to a major city.

We allow close family/friends to stay rent free whilst they attend uni in the city/start a new job. We have had 15 different people over the years, some for six months, the longest five years.

Currently house DS and nephew who are both at uni and DHs best friends daughter and her partner who has just started an apprenticeship. All four attend Sunday dinner, as have the 15 beforehand.

(For those that are interested, I cook the meal and then they take turns to make/buy a pudding and wash up (most goes in the dishwasher) I have had one with severe allergies who used to bring their own food, and one that was fussy so I used to make them beans on toast every Sunday. )

My sister's son has been living with us since September, I was very clear on the rules- it might seem odd but for a 10k saving a year I expect attendance at one meal a week.- they both knew about this.
Since starting he has attended one, preferring to go to the pub/gym/game on a Sunday. It has been raised with him and we have said if he doesn't attend then we will charge him rent (we have other uni students renting although they are all mature)

I have gone to my parents for half term and have just met my sister and told her the same. My parents and her think I am completely unreasonable to ask him to attend Sunday dinner, I think they are completely unreasonable to expect me to house him for free after agreeing to my rules ( there are costs involved for me, utilities etc plus not being able to rent it out)

I've said he has to attend tomorrow or I will bill them from now until Christmas and if it isn't paid will evict at Christmas.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my nephew to do what he agreed to in return for accommodation? (I don't think I am, even if expecting to attend dinner is unreasonable, he has agreed to the terms, he could have just rented halls)

Well that’s enough internet for me today, can’t beleive what I’m reading, how very odd op.

Wow struggling to keep up.

I have always said it is a catch- yes you can stay free but you have to attend dinner.

Also 4 people, including a couple, living in a static caravan must be uncomfortably close living quarters

No they all have their own. So couple have one and the others have one each. All are two bed, one bathroom, kitchen, lounge, outside area.

I haven't replied to why it matters, I've been told I'm the same as a rapist landlord, serial killer and praying on the vulnerable. To think that people actually think sharing a meal is the same as raping someone frankly blows my mind. I doubt any reason would be good enough for people that think this.

It matters to us, it is a big family meal with other family /friends that don't live with us (so who choose to attend)

It’s WEIRD!!

I have read this post out aloud in my home and it's caused a disagreement!

I think you're not being remotely unreasonable. I do think it's a little weird but I also quite like it.

The other person thinks it's a horrible policy and controlling, but does agree that he shouldn't have agreed to it if he can't see it through.

Agree, it’s like one of these weird religious movies you see on telly.

inviting people to dinner, sure, enforcing it. Shudder.

Not a good deal if the company is tragic 🤣

In that case, isn't it better for everyone if these young people come when they choose/are able to?

Can someone please tell me who this Emily Gilmore is?

So he can live rent free as long as you buy extra food for Sunday dinner and he turns up and eats it? very odd rule, if I was him I'd just pay the rent.

Of course it's not the same as being a rapist or a serial killer. However, your refusal to say why it matters so much to you is making you sound even weirder than you already did imo.

Sorry just reading more. It isn't religious, no chants, no prayers, nothing. It is just a meal.

Apologies for dinner - should have clarified. It is evening.

Why does it matter THIS much to you though? Is it a religious thing, a belief thing about families, about the need in society for people to get together, what?

Your continued avoidance of just answering simply why it's important to you is extremely strange. They don't get the "choice" of whether or not to attend if they want to keep a roof over their head, so this sees a bit odd if it's "Christian" sentiment. As that doesn't seem very Christian to me.

I dont see this as unreasonable.
you want to have a personal connection to the person renting off you for free, ( maybe to see where they are in life mentally/physically) so have weekly contact in the form of a meal.

Can you just do a kind deed op?

I think it is a lovely gesture in such a disconnected world. There are so many more weird and depressing things in this world than sunday lunch.

She’s still avoiding saying WHY she has this creepy, controlling rule

This is fascinating. Has OP answered why yet? What makes the dinner so important? Is it a cult thing where you do a sermon at the dinner? Do you have a very empty life/ are very lonely and this is the only way you can force people to socialise with you? I would love to understand

Maybe OP lives in Royston Vasey.

OP I think if you explained why it matters, you might get a bit more sympathy. e.g. my husband and I are lonely and enjoy having people round for dinner once a week, or we’re practising Christians and Sunday dinner is an important part of our faith, or we really enjoy a big Sunday roast but can’t justify a huge meal for just the two of us. The way it comes across at the moment is that you just want to control these people.

From some American TV show called The Gilmore Girls - I’ve never watched it, though, so can’t tell you why OP is being referred to as that

exactly 😂

Then why does it matter so much that specific people attend? Why are you so desperate to eat with someone who'd rather not be there?

The nephew can pay rent or find alternative accommodation anytime he likes if he really doesn't want to attend Sunday dinner. No one is being held prisoner. The OP is not obliged to provide anyone with free accomodation. She could rent the caravan out for market rent. Presumably she is also covering energy costs too.

It's not "just" a meal if it's so important that you'd boot people out of accommodation for non-attendance, is it? What meaning do you attach to that meal? What does attendance or non attendance signify?

I get it, OP. If people are going to get "mates rates" they can at least be sociable for a couple of hours a week. If they want an arm's length landlord/tenant agreement they can pay rent.

The people disrespecting you are probably the same ones screaming that "the village" owes one-way assistance to young families. That's not how it works; there should be reciprocity.

In this case, you are willing to be part of a village helping a couple of generations of young people get a break on starting out in life, (as you were given a break) but only if they follow family rules, treat you with family-level comaraderie and as a respected elder of their village. That is not unreasonable.

If they don't like it, they can pay rent or move on. No one is chained to the caravan.