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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

i can’t do this anymore. step kids are ruining my life.

852 replies

stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:27

Hi everyone. Just want an opinion and whether to know or not AITA? I know i keep complaining on here about my situation. But this is the only space i have where i can talk openly about my life and what seems unfair. I can’t talk to friends / family as their response is always: you knew what you were getting into. While that may be true I wanted to know your thoughts on how I feel and whether this makes me a terrible person.
Do I have a right to think it’s completely unfair that I have to look after my husband 4 children from a prev marriage every weekend? My child goes to their dad every weekend. And what should be time to myself to reset and rest, instead becomes increasingly harder and I end up dreading every weekend. It seems unfair that on weekends my child’s going to her dad, and another woman’s children (4) come to me and I have to look after them so she can get free time off? Even when my partner does help out with his own children, I am still left cleaning up the house after them, cooking, buying groceries, washing their clothes, drying their clothes, bathing them and making sure they don’t get hurt the weekend when they are in my care.
Is it wrong of me to feel like this is an unfair trade? on weekends, what is supposed to be my time, i am stuck with someone else’s children. She gets her time off but i don’t… i can’t help but feel really bitter and resentful. not at the children but at the situation.
Sometimes, i feel like just leaving the house every friday before they turn up in the evenings and come back on sunday evening when they are gone. but then the house is a disaster, i mean legit upside down (curtains pulled off etc), dishes undone for 3 days which i was to do, i have to change my bed sheets and my child’s bedsheets at the kids have slept in them, peed in them etc. it’s just too much. I really regret marrying a man with 4 children. I wish i found someone with only one or two children.

OP posts:
Pricelessadvice · 01/11/2025 13:29

You married a man with kids. Surely you realised that you might end up having the kids quite regularly?

goldeline · 01/11/2025 13:29

YANBU but you are resentful towards the wrong person - it's nothing to do with their mum, it's your husband who isn't stepping up.

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 01/11/2025 13:29

Honestly your family are right. You knew this man had 4 children before you married him. You could divorce him or alternatively accept the situation. He's not going to drop his kids or at least I hope not!

2024onwardsandup · 01/11/2025 13:30

You’re not doing the mothers work - you’re doing your husbands work.

No5ChalksRoad · 01/11/2025 13:30

Why do you stay? He clearly couldn’t care less about you.

Beamur · 01/11/2025 13:30

You have a husband problem.
I helped my DH when our SC were home but it wasn't my responsibility to care for them. It's his contact time.
Why are you not pulling him up?

RarePeachBear · 01/11/2025 13:31

It doesn't sound like it's your step kids ruining your life - it's more having a useless husband and letting him make you responsible for all the housework...

KickHimInTheCrotch · 01/11/2025 13:31

Divorce sounds like your best option. Didn't ANY of this cross your mind before you got married?

TheBlueHotel · 01/11/2025 13:32

Pricelessadvice · 01/11/2025 13:29

You married a man with kids. Surely you realised that you might end up having the kids quite regularly?

Having the kids over doesn't mean parenting the kids.

OP why are you doing all of this? What is their father doing??

HewasH2O · 01/11/2025 13:32

There could be a very good reason why they broke up

LoudSnoringDog · 01/11/2025 13:32

You need to pull your DH up on this. Why are they pulling curtains down? Why can’t they wash up?
how old are they all?

SleepQuest33 · 01/11/2025 13:33

Sounds awful!! I’d be filing for divorce pronto. I will not be spending my weekend looking after other people’s children. Not a chance!

Redpeach · 01/11/2025 13:34

Why did he split from the mother of his 4 kids?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/11/2025 13:34

I don't think it's the amount of children that's the issue (although clearly a contributing factor) it's your husband. Why is he not looking after them and clearing up after them? How are they allowed to regularly pee in the bed etc? Why is he not stepping up?

stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:35

of course i understand his kids will come. i accept them the same way he accepts mine. what is not fair is on my child free weekends im left to look after his 4 children. i have to give up my life so that the children’s mum gets free weekends.

OP posts:
stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:37

Pricelessadvice · 01/11/2025 13:29

You married a man with kids. Surely you realised that you might end up having the kids quite regularly?

it’s not an issue having them, i can’t stop him from having his children over just like he can’t stop me from having my child. the problem is on weekends when i am supposed to relax because my child is with their dad, i am having to look after another woman’s kids. she gets to relax i don’t.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 01/11/2025 13:37

It's not their mum's fault. Your husband is failing to parent his own children.

Summershutdown · 01/11/2025 13:37

Can’t you swap weekends with either parent so when your kids aren’t there, neither as his, then have all the kids together

stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:37

Beamur · 01/11/2025 13:30

You have a husband problem.
I helped my DH when our SC were home but it wasn't my responsibility to care for them. It's his contact time.
Why are you not pulling him up?

because he works full time he owns a restaurant. he has to pay the BM over 2 k a month in child support even though the children are with us 10 or so days a month

OP posts:
stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:39

Summershutdown · 01/11/2025 13:37

Can’t you swap weekends with either parent so when your kids aren’t there, neither as his, then have all the kids together

no she brings them every weekend without fail. she doesn’t care. she will just drop them on friday and turn off her phone until sunday. on saturday my ex husband wants his child so i drop her off. i can’t stop my ex husband from seeing his child as it’s his right.

OP posts:
Woolftown · 01/11/2025 13:39

Why do you have the SC every weekend? Can you do a mid-week or a longer weekend in exchange for EOW? Any arrangement needs to work for the SC and both households so it is worth looking at how it might work better for you.

Crunchienuts · 01/11/2025 13:39

stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:35

of course i understand his kids will come. i accept them the same way he accepts mine. what is not fair is on my child free weekends im left to look after his 4 children. i have to give up my life so that the children’s mum gets free weekends.

No you don’t, your DH should be looking after them and clearing up after them. Go away at the weekends until he understands this. And it is not about the mum getting “free” weekends, it is about your DH spending time with his kids!

neverbeenskiing · 01/11/2025 13:39

2024onwardsandup · 01/11/2025 13:30

You’re not doing the mothers work - you’re doing your husbands work.

Nail on the head.

The problem, isn't the children, or the number of children and it certainly isn't their Mother who has every right to expect the Father of her children to have them regularly. The problem is that your DH is too lazy and selfish to take care of and clean up after his own children on the days he has them.

stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:39

TheBlueHotel · 01/11/2025 13:32

Having the kids over doesn't mean parenting the kids.

OP why are you doing all of this? What is their father doing??

working full time 12 hours a day :(

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 01/11/2025 13:40

You're annoyed at the wrong person. Your husband divorced the mother of his 4 kids then met someone else who would spend her precious weekends looking after his 4 kids.
When does he look after the 4 kids he decided to have?