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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

i can’t do this anymore. step kids are ruining my life.

852 replies

stepparent55 · 01/11/2025 13:27

Hi everyone. Just want an opinion and whether to know or not AITA? I know i keep complaining on here about my situation. But this is the only space i have where i can talk openly about my life and what seems unfair. I can’t talk to friends / family as their response is always: you knew what you were getting into. While that may be true I wanted to know your thoughts on how I feel and whether this makes me a terrible person.
Do I have a right to think it’s completely unfair that I have to look after my husband 4 children from a prev marriage every weekend? My child goes to their dad every weekend. And what should be time to myself to reset and rest, instead becomes increasingly harder and I end up dreading every weekend. It seems unfair that on weekends my child’s going to her dad, and another woman’s children (4) come to me and I have to look after them so she can get free time off? Even when my partner does help out with his own children, I am still left cleaning up the house after them, cooking, buying groceries, washing their clothes, drying their clothes, bathing them and making sure they don’t get hurt the weekend when they are in my care.
Is it wrong of me to feel like this is an unfair trade? on weekends, what is supposed to be my time, i am stuck with someone else’s children. She gets her time off but i don’t… i can’t help but feel really bitter and resentful. not at the children but at the situation.
Sometimes, i feel like just leaving the house every friday before they turn up in the evenings and come back on sunday evening when they are gone. but then the house is a disaster, i mean legit upside down (curtains pulled off etc), dishes undone for 3 days which i was to do, i have to change my bed sheets and my child’s bedsheets at the kids have slept in them, peed in them etc. it’s just too much. I really regret marrying a man with 4 children. I wish i found someone with only one or two children.

OP posts:
Disenchantedone · 05/12/2025 23:37

Some people on here really need to think before they type ....
You have done absolutely nothing wrong OP.
Your daughter should have a safe environment to live with you, not have her belongings trashed, and be mocked by these brats, and your husband ignoring this in particular is truly awful.
If he wants his kids every weekend then he has to find a job that accommodates this and sell his business.
His ex sounds like a manipulative piece of shit that needs a reality check. If the business goes, the money will go down drastically.
What is he thinking, you guys living like paupers and her living the dream basically.
Don't move back in, concentrate on your masters, suck up and ignore all the told you so's, and enjoy some peace and quiet with your daughter, and don't be affected by some of the replies you have had on here.

OneLilacHare · 06/12/2025 00:27

@stepparent55 I very rarely post and I can understand your frustration and problem with the situation. However, the key part here is the children.

You have said you don't want to report the mother of these 4 children to social services because you don't want to be the bad guy. Sorry but unless you are ready to insist that your partner takes full custody then she has to be reported. These children need a stable home life and it doesn't sound like either parent can provide it. Unless you are willing to, I completely understand why that would very quickly become untenable, then the state must step in.

I do not believe in blaming everything on benefit fraud but it seriously sounds like the mother is not declaring everything she is being given. Therefore this also needs reporting.

This will make your life hard but for the sake of those children it has to be done.

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