Parent messaged me to complain about DH

[Yogaretreat23]

This is a strange one. DS had his friend round on Tuesday, they were mainly just playing video games upstairs. They came downstairs and DS started to moan that the Wi-Fi was down.

DH said he’d need to ‘go for the old school approach and grab a top shelf magazine from the corner shop’ and DS just laughed it off.

The next day, his friends mum has messaged me to say she doesn’t appreciate DH making inappropriate comments in front of her son.

I’ve ignored it…but am now overthinking whether I should have replied to clarify nothing was said to her son?

Edited to add both 17yo

why is everyone acting like context and environment don't matter for these things.

As a tall kid I promise you they were very much there in the 90s and 00s. I used to think 'if I have to see rude things at least make them something aimed at me?'

@Yogaretreat23 it's a bit of a cringe comment to make.

BUT... OMG what sort of 17 year old goes and repeats something like that to his mum?!??!? That's just really weird.

Yes…probably just fired a text off in the heat of the moment🤷‍♀️ who knows?

You mean dads can joke about girlie magazines to his son and friends but not joke about them to a daughter and her friend? If so, why?

Oh wow. He is a true misogynist. Lucky you.

Me and my son talk about loads of things. He could very possibly have said guess what friend’s dad said to us. I wouldn’t have texted the mum. I would have thought the dad was vulgar though.

FFS they are 17 not under 10. Not the sort of thing my ex or partner would say, but I would just think of it as a bit of crude humour.
She really needs to get a sense of proportion or a reality check. She may not like it, but to text you is very embarrassing for the son.
Trust me if he is going to do a trade the banter will be very ribold. Is she going to text his boss then? He won't last long if that is the case. Also he will learn not to tell her anything.

Probably one with a good relationship with his parents such that he can talk about these things?

ETA: like I said in my previous post, he probably won’t talk anymore more if he finds out about the text

Yeah I find that really odd.

I would have told my son that the comment was super cringe, but I would never in a million years have contacted the other parents - how embarrassing for the son!!

Maybe they were chatting and he commented on his friend’s dad and his stupid/creepy jokes. You don’t know the context but he might have just been retelling what happened.

Same. At 17, it’s not really expected for a parent to police what they’re hearing (mainly because it’s not possible). Your job at that age is to have a conversation about why those things don’t align with your values and then let young people make their own choices.

People keep saying this but don’t you think it’s very different if you are with friends /work colleagues versus your friend’s dad?
I think the comment is grim whatever the context but really weird when said by your friend’s dad.

I think both things can be true.

The mother should not have texted. 17 is pretty old and it’s pointless.
The husband here is a misogynistic creep.

I don’t necessarily think the boy went telling tales and was upset, he just probably told his mum in passing what a slimeball his friend’s father is.

Why would you find it odd? Hypothetically I could have said , had a nice time at friends. He could have said yes, friends dad’s a bit weird though, wifi was down so he said get a top shelf mag instead. I’d have said, charming. And thought friend’s dad was crass. I feel lucky that my son and I talk so easily with each other. I wouldn’t have texted the mum though.

Sorry, do you mean you find the mum texting odd, not the mum and son having a chat. Yes my son would not be happy about that.

Maybe, but to have your mum message the other mum regarding what was said?!?! I would have been utterly mortified if my mum did that!

He might not know. He might be mortified she did.

They were definitely on sale at least as recently as 2007 when I worked in a newsagents and had the pleasure of putting them out on the stands. 2 sorts of customers for them - men 40yrs+ and mums buying them for their 15yrs old - grim.

I agree and have already said this. I responded to you saying it was weird he’d told his mum.

If you’re lucky enough to have the sort of relationship where you can chat about these things then that is a good thing. That doesn’t automatically mean the son wanted his mum to say something, he might not have even been aware of her doing it. Me and my son can talk about lots of things but that certainly doesn’t mean he wants me to go texting people.

It’s not about having a sense of humour thought. It’s about older men making younger men feel uncomfortable with their inappropriate comments. Saying that the lad will face worse in trades doesn’t make it okay, it’s a damning representation do what men in trade can be like and your apparent acceptance of this. Not all men in trades are sleazy.

I think that's an absolutely inappropriate remark to make and I'm not surprised the friend's Mum wasn't happy.

It certainly gives the impression that her son and your son sit watching porn at your house and that you and your H actively encourage them to do so.

Certainly nothing amusing about a sleazy comment like that.

Good on the son and the parent for calling your DH out on his inappropriate comment.

Grim and gross of your husband. The Mum should not have got involved, I assume her son told her/asked what it meant, but if she is trying as we all are to raise sons respectful to women, she doesn't need a misogynist dinosaur harking back to the bad old days.

@Ruggerlass our local schools have had to work with the local rugby clubs because of the awful misogynistic behaviour which is encouraged in these clubs is causing huge issues in the schools both towards female students but also female teachers. Maybe. you shouldn’t be so blasé about it.

Many of the other sports clubs are running campaigns to stamp out such attitudes too