Parent messaged me to complain about DH

[Yogaretreat23]

This is a strange one. DS had his friend round on Tuesday, they were mainly just playing video games upstairs. They came downstairs and DS started to moan that the Wi-Fi was down.

DH said he’d need to ‘go for the old school approach and grab a top shelf magazine from the corner shop’ and DS just laughed it off.

The next day, his friends mum has messaged me to say she doesn’t appreciate DH making inappropriate comments in front of her son.

I’ve ignored it…but am now overthinking whether I should have replied to clarify nothing was said to her son?

Edited to add both 17yo

Looks like the attitudes of the 1970s is alive and well on here. Sense of humour bypass if you don’t find girlie mag references funny 🤔

yes, this - the misogyny pyramid that I was referring to.
Zero tolerance.
(I await the pearl clutching or other similar comments).

@Yogaretreat23 do women not go into trades, or are not customers to trades?

It’s not the magazine reference that’s the problem, it’s joking that the boys must want the wifi to look at porn. That’s horrible and massively inappropriate. Worrying that you don’t seem to get it, OP.

Back in the real world this is a total non event and a daft joke with 2 young adults. The mum is 100% a member of Mumsnet. I’d have died if my mum complained to a friend’s parent at 17 years of age.

@Bundleflower it’s the old boys will be boys banter, absolutely fine to be misogynistic excuse

Misogyny needs to be called out

The real world does not treat women well.

Maybe the son is gay and it’s a men’s porn magazine the dad was joking about? That’s just as much of a leap here?

Theres so much stretching going on with nothing but a daft quip. Hardly the joke of the century but equally absolutely nothing remotely worth a complaint to someone’s wife like she’s Ofcom.

I do get your POV but I just don’t see it the same way. There’s plenty of comments I might do but this one I just can’t imagine being bothered about.

What woman? The women in the magazines the OPs husband was joking about that haven’t existed for at least 20 years? It was a daft joke. Nothing more.

@Bundleflower but we know that he wouldn’t say the same to female teens. The assumption would not be that they had been looking at porn on the internet and then would have to resort to magazines when WIFI was off.

I despair.
The real world where you say these comments are ok and just banter - “daft joke” is what I think you called it.

‘Despair’ 😂

I think the issue here is that either the boy has laughed along at the time but not understood and has gone home to ask what it meant opening the other parent up to an unexpected conversation about pornography, or your dh has creeped him out and made him feel uncomfortable in which case its appropriate and great that he's felt able to go and speak to his mum about that.

While I probably wouldn't have messaged you I'd also think less of your dh making that joke to someone else's child.

"DH thinks it’s hilarious I was messaged but I can’t say I’ve taken him up on his suggested response, which was essentially to hint she could do with access to one of said mag’s!"

I also think that's a bit grim on your dhs behalf. Someone has messaged concerned about a comment he's made to her child and his response is to suggest she needs more sexual activity in her life... totally disrespectful and tbh sleazy. I'd think significantly less of any man who chooses to use sex as a way to dismiss and undermine women he disagrees with.

This. He's humiliated the kid most likely and made them totally uncomfortable.

*Just choked on a biscuit realising a 17 year old lad went home and told his mum about a mildly clumsy joke, AND that the mum then texted the OP to complain about it. 17! And now the OPs husband is the worst man in the world

Er, definitely report this and then leave the bastard 💪

My DS would probably have been embarrassed by someone’s dad making such a comment when he was that age. We are also a calling out misogyny household and he would have felt awkward not knowing what to say to someone’s dad.

I’m not blasé about it. It’s been a few years since my sons played. Prior to them stopping playing I’d been around rugby clubs for about 15 years and never seen any misogynistic behaviour (ok I accept some of the songs are sexist). Perhaps it depends on the clubs. The club my sons played at a code of conduct and everyone was treated as equals. They also had female teams. There was banter on both sides and shock horror the women were often worse than the men!

How are sexist sings not misogynistic @Ruggerlass

Glad you find your ignorance amusing

This will amuse you, too @Bundleflower (once the image loads).

Anyone who does not think that most 17yr old boys have not looked at online porn is deluding themselves. They all so either overtly or covertly.

Honestly the nuns really are out in force today. He’s old enough to drive, work, get married and have his own children at 17 for goodness sake.

I accept they could be construed as such however what I was referring to when I said I’ve never witnessed such behaviour I meant I’ve only seen females in the club (players and wives, partners and girlfriends being treated with respect. Rightly or wrongly and I suspect you’ll not agree which is fine and would rather they were banned but they did restrict the singing to the changing room only.

So your husband is a low class misogynistic pig.

The other boy was surprised, uncomfortable, probably because his father doesn't speak like that around him.

Lots of fathers wouldn't dream of perpetuating misogynistic bullshit to their sons.
They do better, because they know better.

Do you have daughters?
If so, god love them.

The other parent is wasting her time, it's all lost on you.
No doubt she has the measure of your husband and your home.

There is absolutely no humour in this, but crack on.

A lot of women seem fine with it unfortunately. Standards for men are shockingly low on MN though.