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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

465 replies

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 11:07

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

OP posts:
LlamaNoDrama · 31/10/2025 15:25

Crikey, do people help themselves to clothes in guest rooms and start wearing the hosts clothes in front of them too?

I wouldn't have used them.

Tontostitis · 31/10/2025 15:26

Honestly I would have assumed they were meant to be used 😳

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/10/2025 15:26

No5ChalksRoad · 31/10/2025 15:24

No.

The room is clearly a guest room, storage area and wardrobe in addition to being used to house guests. Decent people don't "assume" anything with regard to others' belongings. "Here are your towels, there is shampoo in the bathroom," doesn't = "help yourself ot anything under our roof."

You see I don’t think decent people start a reply to another adult in a discussion with “No.” as though your word is law, so I guess we all have different opinions.

No5ChalksRoad · 31/10/2025 15:27

Catpiece · 31/10/2025 15:05

I wouldn’t care less but then I’m not tight with stuff

🙄

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 15:27

RafaFan · 31/10/2025 15:01

Do you leave a box of tissues in the guest bedroom, but expect guests not to use them? What about hand cream or shower gel? If they were in there, I expect she just thought you put them there for guests to use. And if she used a different one every day it's not like she was going to totally clean you out of perfume. I think in future just remove them from the room if you don't want guests to use them.

Who on earth puts a load of perfume out for guests to use?! This isn’t a high end hotel! Good lord, I despair at some of these responses!

OP posts:
Tryingatleast · 31/10/2025 15:28

It says everything about modern day society that you’re expected to hide stuff away if you don’t want people to use them. If you’d left out make up would she have used that too? Literally soap and hand towels are the only things guests should use without checking first

Bahhhhhumbug · 31/10/2025 15:28

Did she open any previously unopened ones ?
Now that would really piss me off.

Toydrum · 31/10/2025 15:30

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 15:27

Who on earth puts a load of perfume out for guests to use?! This isn’t a high end hotel! Good lord, I despair at some of these responses!

I’m with you @Iloveleaveinconditioner these responses are batshit.

All a bit bloody woo!

Fionasapples · 31/10/2025 15:30

Yes she's cheeky. Even though they were in your guest room, you're not a hotel, you don't help yourself to your host's expensive perfumes without being invited to, or at least asking. If I was staying with you I might mention that your collection was lovely and ask if you minded if I tried one.

No5ChalksRoad · 31/10/2025 15:31

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 31/10/2025 15:12

We have all our regular shampoos and shower gels in the shower, then some pricey Tom Ford / Dior etc stuff in a bathroom cabinet. A friend of mine came to stay for the weekend, clearly opened the cabinet to have a nosey and used my Dior stuff without asking. I just looked it up and the shower gel is £62 and the body lotion is £88. They are the scent of my wedding perfume and my husband bought me them for our anniversary. I thought it went without saying that you don’t help yourself to the stuff in cupboards and cabinets when in someone else’s house, especially when you know it’s expensive and even more so when other stuff is able for use.

It does "go without saying" among people with decent manners.

One doesn't open drawers and doors in another's home. If there is something you (general you) need that isn't left on the bed, ask about it. Don't rummage.

ConnieHeart · 31/10/2025 15:31

Yes it's a bit cheeky. I might have a little squirt here & there as they are on display in my room but I wouldn't take the piss or remark that I'd got my money's worth!

I remember my dd bringing one of her American uni friends to stay for a few nights a couple of years ago. Dd told her to help herself to food & drink. I didn't expect her to take it quite so literally.....!

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 31/10/2025 15:32

PsychoHotSauce · 31/10/2025 15:24

A really good host would have invited the guest to take one of the bottles with her when they realised the guest was using the perfume.

A really good guest would say, 'Oh what an amazing collection of perfume! Would you mind if I tried one or two?'

Honestly some posters have clearly been dragged up, but the ones blaming the OP are worse.

I haven't blamed the OP, merely set our why her guest thought the perfume was there for her to use during her stay.

No5ChalksRoad · 31/10/2025 15:33

Tryingatleast · 31/10/2025 15:28

It says everything about modern day society that you’re expected to hide stuff away if you don’t want people to use them. If you’d left out make up would she have used that too? Literally soap and hand towels are the only things guests should use without checking first

You know, come to think of it I store extra make-up in a drawer in my guest room. Fortunately no one has ever delved into it and helped themselves to lipstick, eye liner and mascara. Apparently I should consider myself lucky this hasn't happened.

DetectiveDouche · 31/10/2025 15:33

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 15:27

Who on earth puts a load of perfume out for guests to use?! This isn’t a high end hotel! Good lord, I despair at some of these responses!

You apparently, OP 🤷‍♀️

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 31/10/2025 15:34

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 15:27

Who on earth puts a load of perfume out for guests to use?! This isn’t a high end hotel! Good lord, I despair at some of these responses!

My thoughts were that partially used perfume bottles on display in the guest room were things the OP no longer used or perhaps didn't like, but hadn't thrown out.

saffy2 · 31/10/2025 15:35

ginasevern · 31/10/2025 15:18

So you don't keep any personal items at all in your spare bedroom? You are very fortunate. I'm afraid a lot of us don't have that luxury. We don't all live big houses. Nor would it occur to us to lay on glass cabinets full of expensive perfumes for our guests. Out of interest would you really assume that everything in the spare bedroom was up for grabs?

I don’t have a spare bedroom 😂😂😂😂 so many assumptions there, it’s a bit mad!!
but yes if I had a spare room big enough for guests, I wouldn’t keep things in there and I would expect if I was staying in a guest room that there wasn’t things on show (even behind a glass cabinet) that were not for my use. As I said I would probably ask, but I don’t think the person has been rude or cheeky.

smallsilvercloud · 31/10/2025 15:42

YANBU it’s cheeky to use the perfumes all week, not like it was a one off spray. Getting her money’s worth comment was rude, she’s not in a department store and didn’t even spent her money! I assume you didn’t charge your guests to stay.

Toydrum · 31/10/2025 15:44

DetectiveDouche · 31/10/2025 15:33

You apparently, OP 🤷‍♀️

They’re in her home. Why does that make them free to use?

Toydrum · 31/10/2025 15:45

No5ChalksRoad · 31/10/2025 15:33

You know, come to think of it I store extra make-up in a drawer in my guest room. Fortunately no one has ever delved into it and helped themselves to lipstick, eye liner and mascara. Apparently I should consider myself lucky this hasn't happened.

Yes, definitely consider yourself lucky!

DetectiveDouche · 31/10/2025 15:46

Toydrum · 31/10/2025 15:44

They’re in her home. Why does that make them free to use?

It doesn't of course.. but putting them there, accessible, in a guest room, apparently does run the risk of some guests believing this to be the case or not caring enough to ask

Toydrum · 31/10/2025 15:48

DetectiveDouche · 31/10/2025 15:46

It doesn't of course.. but putting them there, accessible, in a guest room, apparently does run the risk of some guests believing this to be the case or not caring enough to ask

Edited

An ignorant, disrespectful guest for sure.

whataweekImhaving · 31/10/2025 15:48

The fact she was very open about it and didn’t try to hide it suggests she thinks what she did was ok.

I think she probably thought they were in there to be used and would be very embarrassed if she realised you felt like this.

id let it go

LlamaNoDrama · 31/10/2025 15:51

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 31/10/2025 15:34

My thoughts were that partially used perfume bottles on display in the guest room were things the OP no longer used or perhaps didn't like, but hadn't thrown out.

Edited

Do you display things you no longer use or just haven't got rid of yet then? Should I do this so people take my charity donations and save me a trip 🤣

ginasevern · 31/10/2025 15:53

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 31/10/2025 15:19

Your being disingenuous by continuing to say, "behind the closed door of a cabinet" as though the OP's guest went rifling through the cupboards. The perfume bottles were in a glass cabinet. A really good host would have invited the guest to take one of the bottles with her when they realised the guest was using the perfume.

And if these bottles of perfume were so bloody precious they shouldn't have been left on display in the guest room. The end.

Sounds like you live in a rather different world to a lot of people on here. And that's absolutely fair enough. But please do try to understand that not everyone has guest bedrooms in the "luxury hotel" sense of the word. Most people have a spare bedroom where guests are welcome to stay and would of course be offered their own towels and maybe a few toiletries. I personally don't know anyone that has a dedicated guest room redolent of the Ritz Hotel with an array of perfumes and the like for the guest's own use. Most spare bedrooms in my fairly vast experience contain a hotch potch of the owner's personal items, ranging from golf clubs to kids toys to sentimental things they rarely use. In any event, I would have thought that most normal people would instinctively gauge if something was perhaps not necessarily "for the taking". And moreover, anyone with a modicum of good manners would check with the host first.

No5ChalksRoad · 31/10/2025 15:54

LlamaNoDrama · 31/10/2025 15:51

Do you display things you no longer use or just haven't got rid of yet then? Should I do this so people take my charity donations and save me a trip 🤣

😂

Who knew? A whole new way to declutter; just "display" things in one's guests rooms and the guests will help themselves!

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