AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

I would maybe have admired your collection but wouldn't dream of using any of your perfume, but at the same time I get why she might have thought it was ok.

Maybe move them elsewhere to stop any confusion.

Surprised it took so long for a Hyacinth reference.

Do you rummage through cabinets and drawers in the homes of friends? Might want to warn them.

That’s just not true. A spare room is one that isn’t slept in by the family but is probably used as a junk room. The OP specified it’s a guest room and in my circle that an en-suite room that is specifically set aside for guests and toiletries, towels, often books etc are all provided for the comfort of who is staying. Perfume could absolutely fall into this category.

If it’s a junk room then I’d expect things in there to be there for storage purposes and it’s different.

Beyond rude - even if they were paying guests who booked a stay in your accommodation. But even if it were the case, like in a hotel - you pay extra for the minibar on display in your glass door fridge.

Well, it's sort-of your fault for storing them visibly in the gust room. Don't you have space anywhere else? Store them away from guests, for goodness sake!

Would you not even consider the price differential between shampoo/toothpaste and perfume? As a guest, it should be absolutely clear to you that shower gel, shampoo, toothpaste, tissues - all relatively low cost items - have been provided for your convenience. Expensive perfume is clearly in a different category and it's rather crass of you not to understand this, particularly if it's in a display cabinet. If any of my guests doused themselves in my Chanel No. 5 without asking first, it would be the last invitation they'd receive.

Blaming the victim?

So if the OP kept her coin collection or Grandpa's war medals or other valuables in a case in the guest room, it would be OK if guest helped herself to those, as well? If her Hermes scarves are in the closet, guests should whip one on?

Not everyone buys their perfume at Poundland. Some of mine are very expensive and a couple are bespoke from sessions at perfume studios in Paris. They are not for others' consumption and surely any decent person would not open a cabinet.

Toothpaste left out in the open at the basin, or shampoo in the shower, are like soap in the lavatory; basics that are expected to be used by all comers. Expensive perfume is more akin to jewelry or clothing or handbags.

Oh come on! Who on earth provides pefumes for guests to use?

Yes,she was weird and cheeky, OP.

Not really. I don't know much about perfume so I wouldn't know which ones were particularly expensive. Definitely wouldn't consider that a quick spreay of any perfume was using a particularly expensive amount of it.

I mean I wouldn't have used the perfume anyway because I never wear any but I still don't think the woman did anything wrong

Must be familiar to you.

I don't. However I do want guests to feel at home and put out a range of toiletries for them to use.

"Put out" is not the same as "behind the closed door of a cabinet."

I pride myself on a clean, comfortable, well-appointed guest room. That doesn't mean that people staying over are to be opening doors and drawers that I haven't pointed out as available to them. What kind of person does that?

It was rude to assume the perfumes were fair game. I was brought up that a woman's scent was very personal, expensive and precious, often something gifted by a loved one and not something to go helping yourself to. If she had asked first then of course but IMO she was in the wrong.

I wouldn't touch the belongings of someone else in their guest room but nor would I be surprised if a guest thought they could use things I had left in there.

Don't know why you quoted me, I offered no opinion about the guest's actions. I asked what's the point in a perfume collection for display.

Reminds me of a cartoon I once saw - a granny tells a grandpa 'oh, here comes the guy called the Exorcist - he came to stay once and all our spirits were gone'.

I was torn but decided to vote Yanbu as it IS a bit rude.

However, a few squirts over a week when you have multiple bottles is really nothing to worry about. Also, they were on display in the guest room, which someone might reasonably understand to mean they’re on offer to guests. It would be a very different story if she’d come into your bedroom or bathroom and used perfume from there.

Perfume is not "toiletries". Most hotels provide complimentary (in the sense that their provision has already been factored into the room price) toiletries, but they don't provide perfume.

I find the 'getting my money's worth' comment a bit odd - did they actually pay to stay with you? I wouldn't assume that perfume on display in a guest room was for guest use, not if it was in a glass cabinet. As for OP not recognising the perfumes, perfumes smell slightly different on different people so it might not have registered with OP what she was smelling.

Honestly what is wrong with some of the people on this thread? Course it's cheeky, it's cheeky AF.

If you are hosting someone you should not be expected to remove every single thing from your own bedroom that you don't want them to use. Should OP have emptied out her whole wardrobe? Taken all her makeup and cosmetics out?

But most people wouldn't do that because one would assume that you wouldn't have to explain to another adult not use those things! It's just common sense and common decency.

Perfume is expensive, sometimes a few hundred a bottle. It not exactly fair game to just use up everyday.

A bit of the shower gel in the bathroom - Fair game
Someone expensive makeup, perfume, SPF, nice clothes and bags etc - not fair game!

Personally i wouldn't touch them but maybe put them in your room..

I wouldn't blame her for trying one or two but to talk about 'getting her money's worth' is beyond vulgar!

Sorry, I’ve been out and didn’t expect so many (divided) replies!

So, our ‘guest room’ is just a spare room. It has built in wardrobes in it that are full of mine and my husband’s clothes. There’s a treadmill in there lol, a bed, two sets of bedside cabinets and this tall, oak cabinet with the glass door with my perfumes in. I would love to move the cabinet into our main bedroom but there isn’t anywhere it can really comfortably go.

I will definitely be removing my perfumes from the cabinet (except maybe a few cheaper ones that I don’t really care if they get used) next time someone stays in that room though.

I appreciate we’re all different, but personally I get that a lot of peoples guest rooms are also used to store stuff day to day and I would never think that perfumes behind glass were for my use. In fact, I wouldn’t assume anything in a guest room is for my use except the bed and any towels/ toiletries left on the bed.

I always ensure that towels and shower gel, shampoo/ conditioner and a mini toothpaste are left on the bed for when guests arrive. It’s obvious those are fair game, but clothes etc in my wardrobe, no. Perfumes in a glass case, no.

I personally would never just help myself to perfume without asking, to me it’s rude.

And no, of course we didn’t charge them to stay her comment was just tounge in cheek.

Completely disagree.

Our “guest room” doubles as a WFH space—we’re not a hotel, so we don’t have a room that sits empty all year, waiting for guests! Does this mean that guests should feel entitled to fire up my printer and do what they want with my computer, desk, and shelves?

Do you leave a box of tissues in the guest bedroom, but expect guests not to use them? What about hand cream or shower gel? If they were in there, I expect she just thought you put them there for guests to use. And if she used a different one every day it's not like she was going to totally clean you out of perfume. I think in future just remove them from the room if you don't want guests to use them.