AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

Yes I agree, when I have stayed at a friend's the things in the guest bedroom/bathroom are available to use and I might have thought the same for the perfume! Because if it's something special that you didn't want others to use, I would assume this would be in your room (even moved temporarily whilst guests are over).

People that say if you leave things in guest room are for using have a complete different approach than me. Is a room in my house, not a hotel, the things I have there are ours not for use like courtesy toiletries.
I am with OP I found it cheeky but lighthearted because I wouldn't mind her to use them but I would like, like OP for her to ask.

I'd have asked, but maybe she thought that you wanted them using up?

Seriously??

They were behind glass, in a cabinet, for the OP's use. Surely any civilized person understands that in a modest private home, they get the use of the bed and maybe some space to hang clothing in the guest room, not the use of every single item within it.

There is a glass cabinet in my guest room that holds several jewelry boxes. And I'd be taken aback if a guest came rocking out in mother's pearls or my grandmother's amethyst necklace or my gold bracelet.

Also stored in that room are scarves, clothing and shoes I don't expect to find my guests wearing.

It's a bit odd to leave stuff you don't want touched in the guest room.

IMHO stuff that is put out in the guest's room then it's fair game to use - stuff you don't want touched goes in the bottom of the wardrobe

She probably thought you were hinting she smelt bu leaving them in the guest room!

15 bottles in a cabinet? I mean YANBU, but I can see why she didn't think it would be a big deal

With her joking about getting her money's worth there's a good chance she thought these were out on display for her to use like complimentary toiletries would be left out in a hotel room. It's and easy mistake to make if you have them in a guest room, most people would have them displayed I'm bedroom, dressing room or bathroom, not a guest room.

In our guest room, I have a tray with various toiletries and cosmetics on it- moisturiser, tampons, body spray etc. They are there for guests to use if they want them. I imagine your guest thought the perfumes were for the use of whoever is using the room.

Perfume is a personal toiletry
I would never have thought of perfume that way. Especially if OP has so many different scents so clearly doesn't consider any specific one to be "hers".

It's a spray from a bottle that is from a really large collection of bottles. Doesn't seem that personal.

Nonsense. It's not a hotel. Everyone of average means stores personal belongings in their spare room.

If there were a laptop in a guest room cum office, would you log on and peruse the files or their e-mail, too?

I can see both sides here - it's rude to use someone else's perfume, but a toiletry or consumable in a guest room is often meant for the guest, so I can see why she might have concluded that it was a generous offering of guest perfumes.

I'd think this was rude/cheeky too OP - it's not like a box of tissues on the bedside table. She absolutely shouldn't have used them without asking you first - the fact that they were in a "display" cabinet should have been enough to tell her they were not for general use. Hopefully, she hasn't used too much of any of them. 🙏

You're joking, surely? What do you consider it, if not a toiletry? Room spray?

I have probably 20 perfumes, but one that is my "go to" scent. They all are off limits to anyone else, regardless of where I store them or how often I apply them.

If there’s a next time (!), take them out of the cabinet and re-home them in your room. She’ll get the message.

Not "not a toiletry" but not a particularly personal one. No more than shampoo or toothpaste in a bathroom. I would use those without a second thought if they were in the room I was invited to use.

They were literally on display in the guest bedroom, which to me would seem there for that exact purpose of being used by guests.

I don't wear perfume but normally wouldn't someone that has multiple bottles in use, especially expensive ones, store them somewhere dark? I would have thought only the empty bottles (or maybe scents you didn't like but did like the bottle) would on display in a glass cabinet. So I think it's just a faux-pas/misunderstanding thinking things in the spare room were for use. If she's a generally nice person I wouldn't have thought twice about it or her remark. I'm surprised you didn't twig it earlier if you registered that she smelled lovely and differently every day

I'm really surprised that anyone would think 15 bottles of perfume, in a display case, would be there 'for guests to use'. It would be such an astoundingly odd thing to place specifically for guests. When we stay with family, there are coats and other clothing stored in the spare room wardrobe, but I somehow don't assume these are there for my use, it seems far more likely that the family are using the space for storage as well as for guests - the perfume seems pretty similar to me.

I do think it’s cheeky, in that id be ashamed to do it myself.

However, given her reaction, I think she didn’t intend to be rude and it was just an error of judgement.

Wait and see how hospitable she is when they (hopefully) invite you back before making a final judgement.

I'd have had all tops off for a smell (I'm a big perfume fan) & would have held & admired the bottles but no way would I have used any without asking.

You think it's ok to reach in behind a closed cabinet door and help yourself to a host's belongings?

They are on display in the guest room and you have so many that a few spritzes isn’t going to make much difference. I’m usually the first to call people cheeky, but when toiletries are left in a guest room it’s fair to think they are there for all to use

Yes it's using a bit of something they have lots of. That's not the same as taking an item of clothing.

I can see it might be a bit annoying for OP. I'm unconvinced it's a significant faux pas or particularly cheeky.

Goodness me: the ghost of Mrs Bucket has arisen on Halloween!