AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

I'd have assumed they were for guests, maybe old ones or something. I put all toiletries I don't use in our guest en suite/bedroom, on the basis that people might forget toothpaste/shampoo/shower gel, there's also some fancy moisturisers, body lotions, perfumes etc that for whatever reason I don't use (unwanted gifts, dont like them, mess with my sensitive skin). My personal ones are in my bedroom and our bathroom. I do always say to guests they're welcome to use everything in there, and you obviously didn't explicitly say, but I'd have assumed they were a little hosting thing where you'd put ones you don't use and want to leave for guests. I think she was just joking when she said "getting my moneys worth" it's a saying, she was just saying it. I'd say the same to a friend if I asked for a 2nd coffee or took an extra biscuit, it's not a big deal. Most people don't keep things they use in their spare room I guess, which is where the confusion will have come in. I imagine she'd be mortified if you'd told her they were personal favourites and just displayed in there due to lack of space in your room. If she stole any or popped any in her bag, that's not ok.

I’m just imagining someone using my bathroom and helping themselves to any personal stuff I have in there because ‘it’s on public display’.

How incredibly bizarre.

I have two bedrooms. One I sleep in. The second doubles as a sitting room, guest room, occasional office, storage area, yoga room and more. I also use it as a dressing room, daily, and it contains hair appliances, jewelry boxes, some makeup, and yes, perfume on dresser top.

The fact that some of my toiletries and accessories are not kept in my bedroom is entirely irrelevant. They still aren't available for the use of all and sundry.

It blows my mind that anyone would think otherwise. "Oh she doesn't keep it in her bedroom so it must be for everyone's use."

There is a difference of opinion on what is personal though. I wouldn't consider perfume as any more personal than shampoo which I would expect to use as a guest if it's in a shared space

Others think perfume is really personal. And are presumably those who think OP is NBU.

Perfume can cost hundreds of pounds per ounce. But it's not just the retail cost. It may be scarce/hard to find, may have sentimental value, may be a memento from a holiday, etc.

It's akin to jewelry, not shower gel or loo roll, in terms of being private, personal and not for sharing.

very Rude. But I am not surprised. It didn't take me long to learn that guests will move and use anything in a guest room.

I wonder about the intelligence levels of some of the people on this thread. I have a big cupboard full of art supplies in our spare/guest bedroom. I wouldn’t expect a guest to paint a picture while they were staying.

It makes no sense that she was "getting her money's worth" when she wasn't paying any money at all. What a very strange - and rude - woman.

If you didn’t want her to use them you should have either locked the cabinet or put them in your room. She probably thought you meant for her to use them.

Definitely a bit cheeky but could see why she might have used them. I'd have asked if I could use them but that's me.

Regardless of them being in the rooM I wpild never! Perfume is expensive. Lots of people use guest rooms for overspill - doesn’t mean you use their stuff

Naaa I would have treated it like the Debenhams perfume counter too

No. Better by far to take a hammer and smash the glass door to get to the belongings.

Same here. I’ve used miniatures in my SIL bathroom each time I’ve stayed 😳

This is ridiculous! A bottle of perfume can cost hundreds of pounds, the prices have absolutely shot up over the past few years. Lots have been discontinued/reformulated to be not as good as they used to be over the same period. Also, it's personal, not like using hand cream or something. It is absolutely not an expected norm that a good host would allow a guest (and this woman is not even a friend of the OP's) to take an expensive, personal item with them because they happened to like it.

In a hotel room or even a B&B I would assume that they were to be used; but in a room in someone's house I wouldn't think that at all.

If I really wanted to use something belonging to a host I would ask (eg if I had forgotten to pack shampoo or something) but I wouldn't help myself to anything, particularly if my host wasn't a very good friend.

I wouldn’t do it - it’s cheeky, but I can imagine it would be a temptation to some.

But OP - scent does go off, so if you have so many on the go at once someone needs to start using them up!😀

I wouldn't personally have used them so I sort of think YANBU - but I also think it's very weird to leave anything you feel a bit precious about in a guest's room, so on balance I voted YABU.

Why would she think that items behind a closed cabinet door were for her use?

I have a bottle of Ralph Lauren's Safari, which is the only perfume I have worn since I was 18. It has been discontinued and once my supply is gone, I have to look for a replacement. I would not be impressed if someone helped themselves to my dwindling supply!

If it was me I wouldn’t have used them.
I think it’s obvious they are nice expensive perfumes so I wouldn’t have assumed they are left out for me.

I might have mentioned something about how lovely they looked and asked about them if I was nt sure but I’d absolutely not assume and help myself. And that comment. Joke or not- very tasteless - I think it’s important to show respect when you stay at someone’s house. Many a true word said in jest. She sounds like a grabby selfish person! Does she invite you back to hers?

I know a few people who help themselves to whatever is not nailed down in hotel rooms, to "get their money's worth." That was probably what she was referring to. It's not very amusing.

That's just damned cheeky!

Wow, I'm quite surprised at people saying it was ok because it was in the room! I wouldn't dream of using the hosts perfume without asking. I wouldn't use any toiletries that were left in the room without asking either. If someone is kind enough to invite me to stay, I would bring a gift to show my appreciation not use the hosts perfumes and treat it like a hotel! I find this incredibly rude. And the comment as she was leaving was very cheeky. Perfumes aren't cheap, it's not something you help yourself to. I'd be taken aback too

Perhaps you should move things you want kept for your personal use in a more personal space - like not in a guest bedroom or bathroom.