Page 6 | Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

cococream · 2025-10-31T09:27:01+00:00

Yesterday, my stepson and three of his friends were hanging out at our house. They were in the living room, and I was in the hallway on my way to grab something when I overheard one of them say my name. I stopped in my tracks because it was obvious they were talking about me. My stepson specifically wasn’t saying nice things at all. I heard him call me a “Swedish wh*re,” say I’m “only good at being Dad’s toy,” and rant about how I’m with his dad only for the money, that I wrecked my husband’s first marriage, and things of that sort. His friends were laughing and continuing with jokes. Honestly, it shocked me because he’s always been super nice to me and on his best behaviour. He’s 16 and I’ve known him since he was nine. There are only 13 years between us, and I’ve always treated him like a little brother, so I believed we had a good, cool relationship. I didn’t say anything to him or his friends at the time. I waited until my husband was home so we could have a talk together, the three of us. He refused to apologise, saying he won’t apologise for “saying the truth.” My husband and his ex-wife (who he also called) decided to ground him by not allowing his friends over until he apologises. He lives with us full-time but often visits his mum, and she visits frequently too. I’m good friends with my husband’s ex-wife, she’s even invited to all family events. All of my stepson’s “facts” are factually untrue, which is what truly puzzles me. I don’t think the punishment is unreasonable.

buffyajp · 31/10/2025 11:31

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 10:08

YABU and you seriously need to toughen up.

ALL teenagers/young adults slag off the adults in their lives to their mates. It's just what they do.🙄

Absolutely rubbish. My kids have NEVER spoken about me like that in my own house and there would be serious consequences if they did. This gentle parenting shit needs to stop. 16 is not a child and the fact he refuses to apologise would be it for me. I would send him to live with his mum if that was how he truly felt and if dh didn’t support me he would go too. Ther is no justification for the way he has spoken about op at all and certainly not the use of the word whore. I am disgusted by posters attempting to justify that as well as the xenophobia by bringing nationality into it.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 11:31

His misogyny is utterly appalling, and there is probably already little hope of him growing up to respect women or see them as equals.

But he’s been modelled that, so.

it is mortifying for 16year olds if their parent is dating someone young enough to be their sibling.

PixieandMe · 31/10/2025 11:33

Dweetfidilove · 31/10/2025 11:22

What holes can the OP fill that would make you less embarrassed that you've raised a child that speaks about women in this way?

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Read the OP!

lazyarse123 · 31/10/2025 11:33

PixieandMe · 31/10/2025 11:19

Are you 12?

OP could have had a quiet word. That would have been there mature approach.

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If she'd done that everyone would be telling her it's not her place.

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 11:34

WhattheDeuceBrian · 31/10/2025 11:22

A bit gross?! No shit.

Poor kid.
He's a boy whose childhood for the last several years has included the installation of a much younger woman into his father's house.
It's grim and he's allowed to feel the way he does- much of his behaviour may well be bravado to mask hurt and embarrassment. How should he respond- with measured maturity? He's a child.
It's not OP's fault either- she was early 20s when this lad's letchy father came on to her.
OP, you've been taken advantage of and your stepson has a shitty father.
The person responsible for this situation is Dad (and only Dad), though other posters are keen to tie this lad to the stake.
Of course he needs to see that his dad, not step mother, is the arsehole here but what kid wants the hurt of thinking that? He'd rather make you the bad guy than his own father. And he lacks the life experience to see that you've been taken advantage of- as do you.
And remember, relative to him, you are more the adult- albeit that you're too young to be a part of this situation.
It is not the time to call him out for the use of the word "whore" etc, however disagreeable the language and sentiments; this language is symptomatic of a hurt boy who has been let down by the adults in his life.
He's actually behaved very well if he's generally courteous to you- I hope somebody steps up and looks out for him soon, and for you, too, OP; do you really think this is a great way to live your life?

Edited

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What in the name of excusing misogynistic men did I just read?

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 11:35

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 11:27

Oh poor kid, his step mum is 5 years younger than she "should" be therefore he is well within his rights to turn full misogynist and call her a whore 🙄

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it's not that at all, is it.

It's the OP who had to make the point she is only 13 years older in her OP, it's weird she thinks it's an important detail and that it would give them a "little brother/ big sister" relationship. She's the step-mum! She sleeps with the dad!

Completely normal to be in a relationship with a guy, even a bit older than you, but you don't play the big sister with the teenage kids? Nothing wrong with being the step-mum, stick with that, it makes the whole situation a lot more comfortable.

lazyarse123 · 31/10/2025 11:36

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 11:31

His misogyny is utterly appalling, and there is probably already little hope of him growing up to respect women or see them as equals.

But he’s been modelled that, so.

it is mortifying for 16year olds if their parent is dating someone young enough to be their sibling.

Depends how old the dad is. He only needs to be 7 years older than op to have a 16 year old. Not a pervynold man by any means.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 31/10/2025 11:36

Redpeach · 31/10/2025 09:52

Its a choice to get involved with an older man, married or recently separated, with kids

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It's a choice to get involved with any man, or woman for that matter

Dweetfidilove · 31/10/2025 11:36

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 11:27

the "hole" is that it's not a normal reaction, even when there's bravado with friends. It's a bit extreme and unlikely they all play happy family at other times.

No point us making up scenario when we know nothing.
Who knows what the friends say about the OP, and if the teen is angry or very uncomfortable so lashed out like that? Again, don't know but it can't be a happy situation.

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It's obviously not a happy situation, as his language is so gross and extreme.

The adults all get along, so hopefully they'll figure out how to help him overcome his hate and misogyny before he's let loose on someone's daughter.
Imagine finding a boyfriend with such disgusting views , all because folks were making excuses and qualifying shit behaviour at 16 ☹️.

WhattheDeuceBrian · 31/10/2025 11:37

@CypressGrove
Apologies if my post comes off a little terse towards you!
I thought you were laying into the lad but on re-reading I realise this wasn't the case. Sorry.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 11:37

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 11:34

What in the name of excusing misogynistic men did I just read?

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What @Glowingup?!?

the poster is detailing that the person to blame at the root of this mess, is the misogynistic father!!

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 11:38

OnlyOnAFriday · 31/10/2025 11:24

Maybe his dad should have paid more child support?

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Its not obligatory for kids to live with their mothers you know

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 11:39

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 11:35

it's not that at all, is it.

It's the OP who had to make the point she is only 13 years older in her OP, it's weird she thinks it's an important detail and that it would give them a "little brother/ big sister" relationship. She's the step-mum! She sleeps with the dad!

Completely normal to be in a relationship with a guy, even a bit older than you, but you don't play the big sister with the teenage kids? Nothing wrong with being the step-mum, stick with that, it makes the whole situation a lot more comfortable.

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Even so that still does not give him any right to speak about her like this. It wouldn't be acceptable for him to say that about any female relative regardless of what form their relationship took.

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 11:39

lazyarse123 · 31/10/2025 11:36

Depends how old the dad is. He only needs to be 7 years older than op to have a 16 year old. Not a pervynold man by any means.

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Or 5 if he had the child at 18

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 11:39

lazyarse123 · 31/10/2025 11:36

Depends how old the dad is. He only needs to be 7 years older than op to have a 16 year old. Not a pervynold man by any means.

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That’s true but I’ll eat my hat if the father is only 35.

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 11:41

Dweetfidilove · 31/10/2025 11:36

It's obviously not a happy situation, as his language is so gross and extreme.

The adults all get along, so hopefully they'll figure out how to help him overcome his hate and misogyny before he's let loose on someone's daughter.
Imagine finding a boyfriend with such disgusting views , all because folks were making excuses and qualifying shit behaviour at 16 ☹️.

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I think a woman who decides to go into a relationship with an older man (fine) BUT insist on playing the "big sister" with the kids because she's so close in age with them is very wrong too. Imagine how cringey in front of the friends.

Neither side are being great here frankly.
It's also BOTH their home, even more the teen's home. Like it or not, but you can't suddenly get rid of a child. Don't have them, or don't go into a relationship with someone who has them if they're a problem. (for the people who casually say to chuck him out as soon as he's 18, it's his home!)

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 11:41

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 11:37

What @Glowingup?!?

the poster is detailing that the person to blame at the root of this mess, is the misogynistic father!!

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How have people come to the conclusion that the dad must be a misogynist?!

I met my ex when I was 21, he was 26 and had an 8 year old daughter. I hardly think that makes him a definite misogynist

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 11:41

You’ve taken on someone else’s child full time, in what is also your home, and should not expect to be spoken to or about like that.

There is absolutely no way I’d put up with it, and I’d definitely be expecting an apology for the language he used.

Dweetfidilove · 31/10/2025 11:42

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 11:29

Precisely. And she didn’t even eavesdrop - they were talking loud enough for her to hear in her own house. She didn’t instal a camera in his bedroom.

And yes it’s so obvious why there are so many awful men out there, why so many women suffer rape, sexual assault and domestic abuse.

SO many times I read on the step parenting forums that you should not try to be a parent, you should be a friendly older adult, like an aunt or older sister. Exactly what the OP has done but it’s not good enough apparently.

And so much excusing horrible depraved behaviour just because this boy’s parents got divorced and apparently he’s a victim. I can’t believe people think it’s okay for children to treat adults in their lives like shit just because they are in a relationship with their parents. NO. The OP is friendly with the ex wife, the ex has taken her side in this dispute and is invited to family events. Clearly it’s complete bollocks that the OP was the cause of the marriage breakdown.

This is an insecure little shit of a boy who feels big by engaging in misogyny and blaming everything on women. Unless a serious intervention takes place, in a few years he will be talking about his girlfriends like this, calling them whores and playthings.

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That's exactly it. Someone else's child will eventually have to put up with his horribly depraved attitudes.

He's not even sorry. The three adults in his life have sit him down and he's still wrong and strong in his position. Hopefully they'll be able to reach him. Terrifying ☹️.

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 11:43

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 11:41

I think a woman who decides to go into a relationship with an older man (fine) BUT insist on playing the "big sister" with the kids because she's so close in age with them is very wrong too. Imagine how cringey in front of the friends.

Neither side are being great here frankly.
It's also BOTH their home, even more the teen's home. Like it or not, but you can't suddenly get rid of a child. Don't have them, or don't go into a relationship with someone who has them if they're a problem. (for the people who casually say to chuck him out as soon as he's 18, it's his home!)

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I doubt she goes around saying "I'm just like a big sister!" to him, I think it was a clunky way of saying she doesn't really get involved with things like discipline and leaves that to the parents which is perfectly reasonable.

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 11:44

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 11:39

Even so that still does not give him any right to speak about her like this. It wouldn't be acceptable for him to say that about any female relative regardless of what form their relationship took.

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never said it was, there should be consequences and firm threats about using that kind of language, against anyone.

Not that it matters here because it's too far, but if you play the "big sister" you can't complain you are not given the respect due to a step-mum, you can't have it both ways.

The dad should absolutely go nuts about the language, but not a valid excuse to throw him out because he's an inconvenience however.

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 11:44

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 11:37

What @Glowingup?!?

the poster is detailing that the person to blame at the root of this mess, is the misogynistic father!!

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Im not 100% sure what he’s done to be honest. Is he automatically a misogynist because he has a younger partner? The dad isn’t the one calling women whores and playthings. Nobody has said how old the father is but it’s only in the past 10 years or so that we’ve started saying that people in their early 20s aren’t adults. Despite it being very common 50 years ago or so to be married with a child at 22. And there’s also been increased hysteria about age gaps between adults to the extent that some teenagers now genuinely think it’s disgusting and wrong for a 24 year old and a 21 year old to date. It’s mind boggling.

But from the OP’s posts there isn’t anything that says that the dad is a misogynist. Getting remarried after a divorce is not a crime. Having a stepparent is not the worst thing that can happen to a child. It is absolutely no excuse for the horrible things that this boy has said and refuses to apologise for.

PixieandMe · 31/10/2025 11:44

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 11:20

So you think she shouldn't have shared with her husband that his son said what he did? That's a very weird take.

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Correct. She could have taken him aside. Told him what she heard. Asked him if he really felt that way because they usually get along so well. She would have been really shocked, wouldn't she?

But, instead, she told her husband and the boys mum who sat him down and punished him.

However - son refuses to apologise and stands by what he has said - Why?

Why would a seemingly, usually nice young man who gets along fine with the OP suddenly not only say awful things about her but when questioned refuse* *to apologise and insist they had spoken the truth (how they see/feel it).

Either there is a lot missing here or this is a made up scenario designed to whip up the usual boy haters.

WhattheDeuceBrian · 31/10/2025 11:44

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 11:37

What @Glowingup?!?

the poster is detailing that the person to blame at the root of this mess, is the misogynistic father!!

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@GlowingUp is a sweet summer child who thinks we should hang a 16 year old boy out to dry for bad words aimed at the adults who have hurt him.

Be Kind brigade in action.

Hey, Glowing- my brother yelled "cunt" after the man who mugged him- I just wish you'd been around to lecture him on his misogynistic language.

Dweetfidilove · 31/10/2025 11:45

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 11:41

I think a woman who decides to go into a relationship with an older man (fine) BUT insist on playing the "big sister" with the kids because she's so close in age with them is very wrong too. Imagine how cringey in front of the friends.

Neither side are being great here frankly.
It's also BOTH their home, even more the teen's home. Like it or not, but you can't suddenly get rid of a child. Don't have them, or don't go into a relationship with someone who has them if they're a problem. (for the people who casually say to chuck him out as soon as he's 18, it's his home!)

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I don't believe I've encouraged the OP to throw him out. Have I?