To think my partner should be paying more

[Supermom24]

My partner works full time and I get less than a part time wage, he earns a decent wage!
we have a mortgage, 3 DC, 3 dogs, I do all the school runs, house chores, look after dc3 full time and the others when not at school. He pays the mortgage, and I pay everything else and I mean everything that comes with a house, kids and dogs that isn’t a mortgage. I’ve got nothing at the end of every month, every time I bring it up in conversation I get told that’s real life and that’s what comes with it. I’m not saying I don’t want to pay for anything but I have nothing left at the end of every month whilst he’s got at least double my wages to spend on himself. AIBU?

I cannot understand married people, with children not sharing money. How much does he have left at the end of the month?

Why isn't money is your household shared? Both of you need to put your salaries into a shared pot, or at least enough to cover everything in the household.
Have you always done it this way? Maybe once this worked out fair but once you had children you needed to start looking at finances more carefully.
Is the mortgage in both names? Little concerned that is the one thing he wants to pay for (could he use this against you in the future and say you never paid the mortgage?).

It's unpopular, but i don't agree with paying in proportion. We have and always will split 50 50 and my partner earns 4 x what i earn. BUT we split everything this way. So housework gardening etc. I would sit down and work it all, out and see if things are fair. Every year I do a spreadsheet of al, our expenses and tell him what he needs to put in the account. He has masses of savings and I dont, but I dont see why he should subsidise me.

She's not married, she says partner

Why do you even have to ask if you are being unreasonable? You know you aren’t. This is financial abuse.

You live together, have children and dogs. Your income should be shared. I assume you're part-time because you're looking after his children?

Without figures it’s pointless even trying to to say if it’s fair

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions worst case £1500

@Partridgewell yes exactly that

Put some money aside for yourself in a separate account when you get paid.

Then downgrade the food you buy. Include a couple of veggie meals each week. Cut out alcohol and anything he specifically likes. Stop using fabric conditioner. Turn the thermostat down a couple of degrees. Don't fill the car up with fuel.

When he moans, tell him bills are rising and you can't afford those things anymore. That he needs to contribute to the household bills.

Stop being such a push over ! He's being a selfish git so fight back !

He's taking the absolute piss.

@rwalker between £3000/£3800 depending on the month, vs my £800. Mortgage £1000

And what’s his justification for this, when you’re left with nothing? As ‘I get told that’s real life and that’s what comes with it’ isn’t a justification.

Ideally, you’d pool your money, but this man isn’t going to do that. So, work out total outgoings for your household (mortgage, bills, kids’ stuff), split that amount proportionately according to your incomes. That’s how much he should be contributing. If he refuses, insist that he tell you why.

I’d also think long and hard about how you came to have multiple children with someone who treats you like this. Whilst not even being married, so you’re not protected if and when it all goes to pot.

This is a form of financial abuse, and given that he’s happy to see you with nothing while he has a lot, I’m going to ask what other forms of abuse are happening? Almost certainly emotional; probably coercive control; this is not a good or safe place to be, @Supermom24

Are you in the UK?

Write down all the bills and outgoings and agree a much fairer apportionment.

Sorry for any offense caused.

Why on earth are you allowing this?

Have you actually sat down and spoken to him about this or are you just keeping quiet and simmering?
I'd have had a meeting with him by now with figures in front of me and read the riot act.

@ForZanyAquaViewer we rented off the council before now and it was nothing like this!

Yikes. Transfer the bills into his name, tell him in advance (his reaction will tell you everything) but be prepared to do it. If you don't stand up for yourself he will carry on taking advantage. I hope your name is on the deeds and/or mortgage. Because if not you need to be ready to be kicked out, sadly.

@Gettingbysomehow more times than once, I just get told it’s real life and he can’t pay for everything.
So it’s easier for me to go without and just pay it than deal with feeling useless for not helping out (paying everything else!)

If you split, possible after you’ve raised the children, he will get the house and have savings and you will be left either nothing at all…

He’s joking. He’s absolutely taking the piss. He’s a mean, nasty, tightfisted bastard and I wouldn’t be staying with him.

In the meantime, I’d stop paying the council tax and say you can’t afford it. And I wouldn’t be buying any food for him or doing any cooking or laundry for him either.

This man doesn’t give a shit about you or his DCs and the sooner you take that on board, the better so you can start your exit. I bet the house is in his name only as well.

So you both pay the same. I don’t know op, fine with a business partner but not with someone who’s supposed to love you. I think you need to go ft/ find a well paying job as his mindset isn’t going to change.A lot of men actually think that 50/50 is fine no matter what

@THisbackwithavengeance thankfully my name is on the mortgage too, I made sure of that whilst going through the whole process!