Waterstones experience with disabled child

[Reasonswhy]

My child has a regressive neurological condition that makes her enjoy things much younger than her
age (9). We went to Waterstones today after a difficult medical appointment for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books. She was enjoying looking at them when a staff member came up and said loudly “you’re far
too old to be reading them” and my daughter’s face just fell. I was so shocked, I wear a sunflower lanyard to alert people to a hidden disability, but even if she hadn’t seen that, surely it’s not right to comment on what anyone chooses to read? We just left
as my daughter was upset and I didn’t want to add to that by taking on the ignorance of the staff member in front of her and explaining the condition, but I’m hurting for her as it was meant to be a nice treat after a horrible blood test snd she walked away feeling judged.

But you’ve just said that irrespective of disability no one should comment on what someone else is reading (which I agree with). I think sometimes it’s easier to fight some external wrong than to know your child will always struggle with certain things.

I have rule that I either address things there and then or I let it go - otherwise it lives in my head and feels bigger than it actually is.

You keep going on about disability.
Are you saying the comment is fine for those without a disability?
Of course not. If the comment is off (not that I think it particularly is) , then it's off for everybody, in which case you have zero cause to mention any disability.

Yet that is 100% the focus here.
You are seriously othering your child, which in itself will have a far greater impact on their esteem and confidence than anybody just passing random comments in the course of doing their job.

I said if she gets no joy from making a complaint to Waterstones.

But that would still be irrelevant to what the Waterstones person said to this child.

I don’t think I keep going on about anything other than the thread, in which case please feel free to scroll on by.
Her condition is absolutely relevant to this because the books she looked at, and was judged for, are related to the regressive nature of her illness/disability.

I'm usually on the staff member's side but in this situation I would absolutely raise it. Bookstore staff should be encouraging people to read, full stop. Doesn't matter what it is. And from a consumerist point of view, should be doing anything possible to make a sale, of anything, not make people want to leave!

You'd have to be completely ignorant to not be aware of learning disabilities, children whose first language isn't English, children who want to read comfort books for whatever reason, let alone the most obvious interpretation of buying a gift for someone else.

What if the employee acts the same way to adults who are learning to read, etc. It could put them back off for life.

I’m sorry this happened to you, OP and hope you and your DD are okay. There’s no excuse for this - it should have been very clear to the member of staff why your DD was looking at those books, and even if it wasn’t, it should be human nature and a Simon act of kindness to not pass such a comment. A simple, “Hello, are you okay, would you like any help choosing a book?” would be more than enough.

I was in Waterstones with DD11 this week, who chose a couple of books, then ambled over to the toddler/pre-school section where we spent a happy couple of minutes spotting her favourites from when she was small. She outgrew those books years ago, but wasn’t doing anything wrong by simply being in that area for a couple of minutes (the shop was quiet).

Lol

Of course, just doing her job by pointing out the obvious is NOT judgemental at all. 😂😂😂

I think the lanyard is neither here nor there, she was shaming your child with her comment (it would be shaming regardless of disability) and it’s a very ableist approach. Why have the assumption that an older child will be of a certain reading age for a start? I think you should definitely complain because that staff member needs training.

Not every passing comment is a personal indictment.
You can find offense in anything if you enjoy painting yourself as a target.
There really are a number of ways in taking the shop workers comment.

This.

Sorry, just spotted a typo in my post - should have said “simple” instead of “Simon” - autocorrect’s fault, but I should have spotted it.

Impartially it wasn’t literal judgement though, even if you see it as that or OP saw it as that. It’s an observation about the child’s age and the book’s age, the staff in the children’s dept are supposed to help signpost children to the appropriate section. I’m sure that’s what the staff thought they were doing. There are more inclusive ways to have made the suggestion though and that’s where the feedback/complaint should lie.

I would complain. You could have been picking out a book for another child for all they know.

The woman’s comment was offensive, judgemental and rude. There were lots of other things she could have said if she was just making conversation. But thanks for your input 🙄🙄

Of course you can.

But then, when you end up being disabled yourself or your child has a disability, some stuff suddenly grate a hell of a lot more than when you were living in the ‘abled world’.

It’s not about ‘enjoying painting yourself as a target’, it’s actually BEING a target. And unsurprisingly, when you’ve been a target a few times, you react pretty strongly to it. Because it’s just not acceptable.

In all honesty, I think it boils down to this. Staff have no business commenting on what people are browsing/reading. Training would certainly help to address that. If they’re keeping their traps shut, they can’t be rude.

I disagree in that the bookseller had zero business saying what she did to anyone, regardless of disability, and I say that as a former bookseller. The disability is a bit of a red herring regarding the bookseller’s comment, though obviously not regarding your daughter’s reaction.

I agree with this.
just another voice saying I totally get your disappointment. It’s hard to think on the spot when you feel so cross/ upset in a situation like that. I hope your daughter is able to put it behind her in some way?
hugs

I am absolutely shocked that anyone is defending the member of staff here! On what planet is telling someone they're doing something wrong "making conversation"?! And for that matter, on what planet is telling potential customers they're looking at the wrong things "doing your job" if you work in a shop? I don't believe for a second that anyone saying either of these things actually thinks that - it's just spitefully having a go at the OP.

Edit: thinking about it, I don't think a member of staff in a shop has EVER commented to me on what I'm looking at, in any kind of shop or situation, at any age, in my life. I have occasionally been offered help finding something. This situation is totally abnormal, not to mention terrible customer service. Why are people pretending it's not?

I would complain. It was a thoughtless comment regardless, your daughter could have easily being excited to pick a book for an sibling etc.

I must say I did not know about the carer wearing the lanyard so thank you for educating me on that.

I don’t actually think anyone should see a lanyard before deciding not to say something stupid. It wouldn’t personally occur to me that the lanyard had anything to do with your child if you were wearing it, but I wouldn’t be stupid and judgemental anyway so it doesn’t matter.

I volunteer in my son’s school library and children have wildly different abilities, interests and relationships with books. My goal is to find them something they will enjoy - so that’s seek and find or comic books for children who might not be reading yet (or for anyone who likes them!) or books in another language for recent immigrants or challenging books for children reading at a higher level. Whatever. My daughter is autistic and finds familiar books really soothing so has always went for books (and movies) maybe pitched for younger kids but she hates violence love stories and surprises so doesn’t love the preteen section she’s ’supposed’ to be in. Magical unicorn dragon whatever’s for however long she wants!

well apparently I had a lot to say but I’m really invested in children finding enjoyment in books and reading as it opens up so much for them and making it harder is really unhelpful. I’d be straight back into the store personally.

Surely this would be part of basic customer service training?
My DS aged 21 is nearly 6 ft but because of his autism and learning disability loves to sit quietly in the library and look at the picture books.
The librarians are so kind to him and never comment on our book choices!

Even stupider when you think about how many times people go to a bookstore to buy a book for someone else anyway. Should I stop buying baby books for my friends’ children as I personally read novels? Honestly getting more and more annoyed now. Where is this place? On my way…

But there are already guidance signs above every section with suggested age groups. We didn’t ask for her input.
“You are too old to XYX” is literally a judgement. And an unnecessary, unhelpful and ignorant one at best.