Waterstones experience with disabled child

[Reasonswhy]

My child has a regressive neurological condition that makes her enjoy things much younger than her
age (9). We went to Waterstones today after a difficult medical appointment for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books. She was enjoying looking at them when a staff member came up and said loudly “you’re far
too old to be reading them” and my daughter’s face just fell. I was so shocked, I wear a sunflower lanyard to alert people to a hidden disability, but even if she hadn’t seen that, surely it’s not right to comment on what anyone chooses to read? We just left
as my daughter was upset and I didn’t want to add to that by taking on the ignorance of the staff member in front of her and explaining the condition, but I’m hurting for her as it was meant to be a nice treat after a horrible blood test snd she walked away feeling judged.

This assistant needs retraining in the basics of customer service, the many reasons why people (lanyard or no lanyard, child or adult), might be browsing books which the assistant thinks aren’t appropriate for them, and that it isn’t the role of shop assistants to monitor the potential purchases of customers.
I don’t want to be looking at leggings, only to be informed by the assistant that I should be in the baggy trousers section with a bum like mine.

I honestly find this issue like wading through toffee. Staggering over involvement in complaints procedures, lanyards, passing comments in everyday scenarios.
As a parent I'd have rolled my eyes. As a parent of any child with or without any disability whatsoever, I'd be keen to introduce the fact that the world is full of people who make passing comments. Because it is.

Why do people invest so much time being "mortified" and "devastated"?
This has very little to do with any disability and everything to do with parenting. If your child is upset by such a small occurrence, what are you teaching them by being "frozen in horror at their upset face"?
Ridiculous overinvestment in the small stuff when there will be genuine hard knocks in life yet to deal with.

100% complain, that's appalling behaviour from an adult towards a child, especially one with a disability.
And for what it's worth, I also wear my child's lanyard due to sensory needs and because they feel self conscious. Ignore someone who 'works for an inclusive council' and hasn't seen this done - that's hardly first hand insight into actually parenting a child with additional needs.

Oh I’ll let my patient who opened it at the clasp, tied a slipknot in it and used it as a ligature that they are perfectly safe and to carry on then

And on edit, even accidentally, if you grab it by the clasp and start twisting, and keep twisting, it will garrotte you. Please, try it for yourself if you don’t believe me.

So all the adults who love Harry Potter, Twilight, or any other young adult fiction should stop reading them immediately? Got to stay in your age lane after all. I certainly will be judged for still loving the Gruffalo!

I don’t know why people are wittering on about the lanyard, because that’s not the point (and I’m afraid that I would have had no idea what that lanyard meant.)

The point is that the sales person was 100% out of order and I say that as someone who worked in bookshops for 5 years. Not once in those 5 years did I pass comment on who was browsing where.

As others have said @Reasonswhy you need to complain to Waterstones and if that brings you no joy take to social media.

It was not meant maliciously I would not be offended personably

No, we should expect people working these jobs to never make mistakes or say the wrong thing and to behave exactly as we want them to at every possible moment.

Why take it to social media? There is no evidence of a systemic issue. This is a single issue with a single staff member. That staff member needs to be addressed, not the company as a whole.

One of our regular groups (adults with autism and their support workers) had a badge in the lanyard which said 'carer' - that was a clue! On the ticket desk people usually tell us because carers/supporters come in free.

In another case it was a parent with a child with disabilities - I know because I worked with the child during a craft session and chatted to the parent.

It is far more common for the individual to wear them, but I've seen people wearing lanyards on someone's behalf multiple times.

The lanyard doesn’t actually do anything other than indicate there’s a hidden disability - it says nothing about what that particular person might need so it still falls in the person or their carer to explain what those needs might be.

In all honesty if I saw a 9 year old child in reins and the accompanying adult wearing a lanyard, I’d assume it was the adult who had the invisible disability, because the child is visibly in need of additional support.

If that's ''conversation' it's pretty inappropriate

Do you think the child's mother needs instruction on what the child is looking at?

This is irrelevant to the fact that my daughter was essentially told off for looking at books that are age appropriate TO HER. Disability or no disability, hidden or obvious, discrimination or ignorance, it was not ok.

You don't need training for common sense!

Her parent was there. It was the OP's job to decide what books her child could look at and purchase, the assistant could have been far more helpful in offering to show an alternative selection (if necessary)

And I have a whole bookshelf with my favourite childhood books and I'm in my 70s! Is that allowed?

The lanyard is completely bloody irrelevant. Anyone can look at any books they choose in a book shop. In fact, staff in shops should not be offering up opinions unless someone has asked for help, or to comment positively on an item someone has chosen when they are paying for it.

I hate reading snobbery. With kids, I don’t think it matters if they’re reading the back of a cereal box, comic or a novel. Kids can read a variety of things and that’s absolutely fine. Anybody that puts a child off reading is an idiot in my eyes.

When I was at the airport last week I saw a woman wearing a sunflower lanyard. She was with her son who was visibly developmentally delayed and autistic. I hadn’t seen an adult wearing a lanyard on behalf of a child before, but it took a split second to work out what the situation was.

Sorry that you’re getting a hard time from people who can’t wrap their heads around why a parent/career might wear the lanyard instead of their child, @Reasonswhy

Nobody has the right to comment or judge what anyone else chooses to read or spoil their enjoyment of it.

I have quite a few Enid Blyton books on my Kindle and I like to read them alongside adult fiction when life is giving me a kicking because they make me feel happy and bring back memories of reading them as a child. No doubt that twit in Waterstones would have a fit of the vapours at me, a grown adult reading something I'm "too old" for but I don't give a fuck, and hopefully one day your DD won't either.

Please don't let one brainless idiot put her off something so lovely that gives her joy.

Let it go. Do you really want this staff member disciplined for a slip up? Likely they were simply making conversation and just got on with their day. Not everything needs to be complained about.

Not being difficult but if your child is on reins at 9 she is either very well aware she is different and has additional needs or she is not aware at all.

I have child with severe SEN and you need to be a bit more resilient. It only gets harder. 18 + no one cares and your child will be treated like any other adult.

Disciplined? No.
Educated in SEN so another child doesn’t feel badly about themselves after coming into that shop? Yes.

And I have a whole bookshelf with my favourite childhood books and I'm in my 70s! Is that allowed?

Love this @Nanny0gg . Which one's do you have?

With all respect, you know nothing about my child’s condition and it is absolutely not the case that children either understand it completely or have 0 awareness at all. I’d either of these were the case I think her life would be much easier, but it’s a cruel condition that does not fit neatly into either of your boxes.

I’m shocked you’ve never come across that. There is no chance my autistic child, or many of his friends, would agree to wear a lanyard or could be safe doing so. Absolutely standard for the parent to wear a lanyard/badge on behalf of the child, especially when the nature of that child’s disability means you’ll always be nearby.

Firmly disagree. I’ve got a child with significant complex needs too, and we don’t have to stand for shitty comments and discrimination.

OP’s daughter is 9, was wearing reins and reading books that were developmentally below her age. How much more of a clue do people need?