To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

[paintbynumberss]

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

Yabu

She literally bought you the one you drink.

Get a grip OP.

Ungrateful much?? Think yourself lucky that not only do you have a mum, you also have a mum that helps you when you need it

I would buy you what you would buy for yourself. I do this for my BIL who cannot manage his finances and relies on us to top him up. I shop at M&S because I can afford it, he does not shop at M&S because he cant afford it. Why should I shop at M&S for him when I need to top him up? Im pretty sure that if I did that I would be topping him up more frequently.. because M&S is much nicer.

Why would she buy you Innocent when she sees you drink own Asda brand at home?

DH and I are both high earners, if he asks for juice, I buy the Tesco or Lidl own brand. He would buy branded. But the reality is the juice is often from the same factories. He has never complained about non branded.

I think it’s perfectly fine for an adult who more than likely made sacrifices on foods when raising children to buy things of a ‘perceived’ better quality now that they have come out the other side of having dependent children.

Many of us struggled both as young adults newly out in the world and whilst raising our children and just get to a point where we use the extra money available after all those years for a few niceties that we wouldn’t or couldn’t have bought previously. Your Mum bought things you would have bought yourself. Maybe she thought you wouldn’t have wanted more spent on items you would usually buy and would think it wasteful or maybe she thought I’ve done my time and I’m still helping but without wasting extra money.

If she’s not ostentatious generally she probably puts quite a high value on money and just wants it to go as far as possible whilst cutting herself a bit of slack on certain things after many years when that wasn’t the case.

Seriously ungrateful.

Wow! You seriously need to developed an attitude of gratitude. You’d probably be complaining she could have bought lots of other things for price she paid for M&S juice if she’d done that. There’s no pleasing some people.

There are some things that the cheaper brand (to us) tastes nicer.
I think she's been thoughtful, making sure that she's got things you normally get so she knows you like them.

But as others have said, if anyone had done a shop for us at the point we were desperate we wouldn't have cared if it was economy. We'd have been glad we'd got it.

I predict the expectation was for someone to say she is lucky to have any juice at all, which will then prompt the response of "it isn't a race to the bottom".

It is on every single thread of this sort.

Very tedious indeed.

Food is expensive. What is wrong with own brand juice? Do you usually only drink Fortnum & Mason’s? I’ve bought food for struggling family members in the past. It has to come out of my weekly shopping budget (even though I have a car and holidays!). If they complained that the items were not high-end enough for their expensive tastes I wouldn’t help them again!

You sound snobby, entitled and ungrateful.

@DancingNotDrowning

yep. Personally I can’t believe she goes on holiday and has a nice car when her offspring doesn’t - she should give Op these things and go without herself. That’s what being a parent is, poor OP didn’t ask you be born and OP’s mother is an older woman and everyone knows older women only exist to serve and facilitate others ESPECIALLY if they are mothers. A full M&S shop is the least she could do.

Are you kidding?

Yep, OPs mum should know her place.

(Sarcasm font enabled in case that's not obvious)

Totally! Who does she think she is buying nice things for herself? She should martyr herself for her children regardless of their age.

Take a look around you at what is happening in this world and on the news. There are people suffering huge losses. Perhaps it is time to step out and see yourself as an adult. Adults get on with getting by as best they can in the circumstances.

She bought the brand you drink, you maybe not have liked a different one

Just as an aside, most non branded food items are just B lines from the same factory as the branded items.

It is not like Tesco has their own factory to make orange juice.

I think she bought the brands you normally do op so it’s not fair to complain - she knows you like them. Try not to read anything into it!

having said that, my dad always buys me more luxury products from Waitrose that I would never buy myself, and I always think it’s so kind. He would always buy what he thinks as the best product. We’re not on the breadline so it’s not essential foods.

😂

Love your work

Presumably she can afford the more expensive range for herself because she budgets for that. Doing your shopping as well will have been an unexpected extra expense, so outside her usual budget. (And I mean something more here than “could she afford it?” People who are good with money tend to be more careful than that- they’re not just thinking about whether they can afford it in the immediate sense of having enough in their account but how the spending fits into their longer term plans. That’s why they seem to have plenty of money,, because they don’t act like it’s burning a hole in their pocket.)

I’d guess maybe there are other underlying feelings OP. My mum helps me out on a regular basis and it’s from a cheaper supermarket than she uses. I think she pitches it as what is most useful, best value and it’s where I shop. I have never felt anything other than grateful but maybe that’s because my mum has always gone out of her way to help me and not make me feel ashamed of being an adult who needs financial help. And she has also treated me on many occasions.
I think people have probably missed the point, I doubt this is about you wanting luxury goods, probably more likely to reflect some other feelings about your relationship with your parents.
Also maybe your self esteem is low because you have run out of money. It’s tough not having enough and it feels like a personal failure.
Even if your relationship is not perfect, I think on this occasion your mum showed up - literally - when you needed her which shows she cares.

Fruit juice is not a basic. Why are you so short of money?

I’d say juice wasn’t necessary anyway so you were lucky to get it all.

You drink Asda own brand so that’s what she got!

You could have done without juice for one day!