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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

366 replies

paintbynumberss · 30/10/2025 23:28

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

OP posts:
cyrly · 30/10/2025 23:53

YABU. Your poor mum. Did something nice and it’s not good enough for you. Buy yourself some noodles next time and don’t bother her with it

latishia6 · 30/10/2025 23:53

How old are you OP?

Heronwatcher · 30/10/2025 23:54

oP I’m sorry your mother is inconsiderate you are not being unreasonable

Yes how very inconsiderate spending her own money bailing her daughter out with food which she knows the OP buys herself (and therefore probably assumed she likes). The witch.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/10/2025 23:55

Blimey, talk about entitled. If you have that little money at the moment, it's great she bought you chicken/salad (dinner) and bread (breakfast) whatever brand it is. Does it matter whether it's posh juice or not?! I'm sure you could have drunk water until you got paid tomorrow!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/10/2025 23:56

It tastes the same to me

Annnndddddd scene.

zazazaaar · 30/10/2025 23:56

If you're skint you dont need juice. Drink water. We've all been there! I dont think my mum has ever bought my shopping even when I was on the dole after coming out of hospital wnd had nothing but the basics. It was good as made me work harder to make sure I could sort myself out in the long run.
Im embarrassed for you.

Mangetoutmangetouti · 30/10/2025 23:57

You’re not being unreasonable and I presume from your post this is something else in a long list of somethings.
i had a partner who did this with their adult child. It was horrible to watch my partner living a life of reilly while their adult child struggled with various challenges and rarely had two pennies to rub together.
i used to say something and things would improve for a while then I’d find out the child was being made to repay whatever the favour was.
we’re not together anymore and that’s one of the things that really put me off

Springtimehere · 30/10/2025 23:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

kittenkipping · 31/10/2025 00:11

When you are poor it comes with shame attached. Op feels shame for her poverty because she knows her mother has made a choice here that suggests judgement. It might not. But op knows her mother. And it feels shit af accepting charity, and if op feels the charity comes with judgement, I’m at a loss why people cast for alternatives. To me it slaps of “the homeless person should be grateful for the sandwich! Any sandwich! How dare they say they don’t eat ham!” It lacks nuance and autonomy and humanity to demand the homeless accept any “gift” offered. It is the same when you are poor, and those who you know had to make effort to get you the basics they’d never consider, you know it comes with judgement and condescension. You have to accept but it’s not without pain and when it’s your mum?! It’s performative .

my daughter is a student. She buys basics. I can’t afford to pay for her studies. But when I visit she gets clementine juice (her fave) and actual basmati rice not basic long grain. I buy her kitkats rather than the Aldi katkots that she buys. Ops mum seems to have gone out of her way to find katkots (figuratively speaking)

CinnamonJellyBeans · 31/10/2025 00:15

I'd be pissed off too and would be embarrassed to "treat" my own skint child to cheap-ass food that silently reproaches their lack of financial security.

Butchyrestingface · 31/10/2025 00:16

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself.

As everyone said, she bought you what you buy yourself. That shows she's considerate and observant. You said yourself you don't see the need to spend more than you have to on juice and she's honoured your thinking on the matter.

DeemonLlama · 31/10/2025 00:20

HangryBlueCritic · 30/10/2025 23:35

Wow. I mean seriously wow.

That was my reaction too 🤣

Enough4me · 31/10/2025 00:21

If she'd said she wanted to help this week and had only bought you a tin of savers baked beans I'd get your point.

Arlanymor · 31/10/2025 00:22

Your mum bailed you out and bought you what you would usually be able to afford. What am I even reading?

Morningsleepin · 31/10/2025 00:23

Instead of being grateful, you are looking for fault. That is a sad attitude to have

DeemonLlama · 31/10/2025 00:24

Don't understand what's wrong with shops own brand items I think they are completely fine and use them all the time. I don't consider myself poor but it would just not occur to me to pay £5 for a bottle of apple juice.

Netcurtainnelly · 31/10/2025 00:25

KimuraTan · 30/10/2025 23:43

This exactly - she may have thought she’s rubbing your nose in it.

i say this with a lot of kindness but please get a grip of yourself and be grateful for your lovely and kind Mum. You come across as really entitled and surly.

Show quote history

Some people haven't even got a mum. Be grateful. You have a mum and she helped you out.

MissSookieStackhouse · 31/10/2025 00:27

She bought what you’d usually buy for yourself and you’re whinging about it? Are you always so ungrateful?

MissFancyDay · 31/10/2025 00:27

If my daughter we're in that situation I would have pleasure in buying her some lovely treats. Your Mum seems a bit mean.

Ncforthistopiced · 31/10/2025 00:36

MissFancyDay · 31/10/2025 00:27

If my daughter we're in that situation I would have pleasure in buying her some lovely treats. Your Mum seems a bit mean.

I am the same ,but also acknowledge that people have different budgets.

PastaAllaNorma · 31/10/2025 00:37

If she bought what she's seen you buy for yourself, what is there to be upset about?

I never buy my daughter decent coffee because she's happy drinking the cheap stuff so it's a waste. She does notice the difference in cheddar, so I buy her good quality cheese. My mum couldn't tell 10p chocolate from £10 chocolate but would only buy quilted loo roll. People are selective about different things.

Your mum has very kindly bailed you out by buying items you need but are too skint for. That's lovely of her. Thank her and get over your chippy self.

Namechangewksjhsksjsv · 31/10/2025 00:37

She's helping you in a time of need not going out to treat you. My dd got the basics from me at a similar time because basics is all you can hopefully get if your money runs out and like a pp mentioned who even needs juice it's not bare bones minimal rations she's got you. Get over it, appreciate the nutrition, be thankful, try to manage your finances better in future. I hope she does see fit to treat you now and again though if she can.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 00:45

Not everyone who has the outward appearance of a comfortable life has a lot of money sitting in their everyday bank account waiting for an unexpected request such as yours.

Some people siphon their income off straight into investments, bills, repayments etc and keep a strictly budgeted amount for everyday spending. Some people are overstretched because of their comfortable looking life and are actually quite cash poor.

MrsOverthinker25 · 31/10/2025 00:54

I think a “thank you so much” would have just sufficed? what a brat.

GetThatToadOutOfMyHole · 31/10/2025 00:58

kittenkipping · 31/10/2025 00:11

When you are poor it comes with shame attached. Op feels shame for her poverty because she knows her mother has made a choice here that suggests judgement. It might not. But op knows her mother. And it feels shit af accepting charity, and if op feels the charity comes with judgement, I’m at a loss why people cast for alternatives. To me it slaps of “the homeless person should be grateful for the sandwich! Any sandwich! How dare they say they don’t eat ham!” It lacks nuance and autonomy and humanity to demand the homeless accept any “gift” offered. It is the same when you are poor, and those who you know had to make effort to get you the basics they’d never consider, you know it comes with judgement and condescension. You have to accept but it’s not without pain and when it’s your mum?! It’s performative .

my daughter is a student. She buys basics. I can’t afford to pay for her studies. But when I visit she gets clementine juice (her fave) and actual basmati rice not basic long grain. I buy her kitkats rather than the Aldi katkots that she buys. Ops mum seems to have gone out of her way to find katkots (figuratively speaking)

I think this post sums it up perfectly and actually shows compassion and understanding rather than being scathing over someone’s financial situation. I wonder if any of these people criticising OP for needing her mums help donate to a food bank? Would you just donate the cheapest food because that’s all people struggling deserve?

I understand how OP feels. I left home very young and struggled financially, I used to sometimes ask my mum if I could take some food from her freezer that had been there for months.
My dad always complained and made me feel like a scrounger but then would pay for my sisters driving lessons and a car! He used to say he was planning on eating the microwave meal that had been there for 6 months but it would end up in the bin.

Every now and then my mum would bring me a bag of food I loved to work (I was working 60 hour weeks to support myself) from booths or M&S just so I had a few “luxury items”.
I felt embarrassed and undeserving of the food from the freezer but when my mum brought me the bags of food to work I felt like I was loved and being cared for.

I’m a bit disappointed so many people couldn’t understand why OP felt the way she did and needed to make her feel ashamed for her financial situation in a cost of living crisis.

This attitude shows what we have become in this country and it saddens me.