Page 12 | To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

MyAcornWood · 31/10/2025 12:15

Calliopespa · 30/10/2025 23:32

OP this is so self-pitying and self-indulgent.

You were short of the wherewithal to buy your normal shop so your mum bought it and brought it round for you. By your own admission it's what you would buy.

You are essentially saying you wanted her not only to help you out, but to do so above and beyond what you would normally have.

If you look at everything in this glass half empty way you will live a miserable life.

This!! Can’t believe how unreasonable you’re being.

Wishimaywishimight · 31/10/2025 12:23

If I were your mum I would have seen this as an opportunity to spoil you a little and would have bought you the more expensive options plus some treats, knowing that you were struggling financially.

RosesAndHellebores · 31/10/2025 12:34

Wishimaywishimight · 31/10/2025 12:23

If I were your mum I would have seen this as an opportunity to spoil you a little and would have bought you the more expensive options plus some treats, knowing that you were struggling financially.

If I were the op's mum, I'd be very disappointed that my daughter was so entitled and ungrateful.

We don't know the whole story or the mother's version of events. When I sae the thread title I thought the mother usually bought herself Mukberry handbags buy had bought her dd something from M&S.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 31/10/2025 12:37

Justcallmedaffodil · 30/10/2025 23:34

YABU.

You clearly told her you were struggling and rather than see you go without for a day, she went out of her way to bring you food and drink. Who cares if it was branded vs own brand. You say yourself you buy unbranded products so if she’d given you the money you’d have ended up with exactly the same things Pick your battles, this isn’t the one.

I think you are struggling and feeling a bit low and I can understand why you felt a bit underwhelmed and that it really highlighted the difference in income between you, which has made you feel a bit down again and as if she is only going through the motions It's also wintery weather too, which has its own constraints when you have to watch the pennies.

However, I think there is a lot of sense in the above note from @Justcallmedaffodil and that the main thing to focus on is that someone came and helped you out when you needed it, rather than dwell on the quality of the help, which I think could send you down a whole other track at a time when you are already feeling low.

Is there a bit more of a back ground to your relationship with DM that perhaps has sparked this? Maybe its something you could discuss with her.

If you wanted advice, perhaps you could start another thread as people may have some suggestions or money saving tips or for how you could improve your your job hunting chances or find a side line or way to boost your income. I know the job market is difficult and constant replying and being rejected can really be depressing atm. could you be depressed? is it worth seeing GP for a check up and making sure you are not vitamin deficient. (I do think of this because I discovered I was severely vitamin deficient - I didn't believe in supplements - but it actually made a huge difference)
Pay day tomorrow so hopefully that will ease things for you.

Traitorz · 31/10/2025 12:37

rainingsnoring · 31/10/2025 10:38

I totally agree. MN can be vile sometimes, just like a group of playground bullies.
If I were the well off grandmother as described, where my DD was so hard up she couldn't even afford cheap food, I would take great pleasure in treating her and her family to some treats. Indeed, I would invite them to my own home to eat. The 'I must never, ever expect even a smile from my own parents because that is entitled' group on MN has really gone too far.

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Agreed. It’s all so mean-spirited and joyless. I love treating my kids so it’s win-win.

Traitorz · 31/10/2025 12:40

DancingNotDrowning · 31/10/2025 12:08

Have you ever eaten one variety of orange v another? Have you experienced how one might be very sweet e.g. a Valencia and another very tart e.g a Seville ?

within the same variety of orange have you ever had a juicy tasty orange v bitter chewy orange?

Different brands use different blends of orange so can taste completely different from that alone. The freshness of the fruit can also impact flavour with some brands using older fruit because it’s cheaper. Which again impacts flavour.

most importantly, regardless of whether it is freshly squeezed or made from concentrate the juice can be marked as 100% fruit juice but they are very different drinks.

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Thanks. I didn’t have the energy to explain!

MyMilchick · 31/10/2025 12:43

No good deed goes unpunished eh? How ungrateful OP

FastTurtle · 31/10/2025 12:47

Wishimaywishimight · 31/10/2025 12:23

If I were your mum I would have seen this as an opportunity to spoil you a little and would have bought you the more expensive options plus some treats, knowing that you were struggling financially.

Do you have grown up DC you help out with food?

RaininSummer · 31/10/2025 12:49

Only read the OP and I am I am afraid that to me you just sound ungrateful and entitled. Aren't you lucky that someone cares enough to bring you food?

Ontheedgeofit · 31/10/2025 13:07

Allisnotlost1 · 31/10/2025 08:37

I think this is a fair enough attitude, and you’re being honest about it. OP is wondering whether this is the attitude her mum is taking and feeling a bit hurt if so. Big difference - IMO - between a BIL and one’s own child. I can see OP’s point too, and there’s obviously a back story.

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I would imagine there is a back story here too.

The OP should let us know how many times her DM has to help her out with groceries and why.

anyolddinosaur · 31/10/2025 13:13

@Twiglets1 where she usually shops is not necessarily on her doorstep. Daughters place could be in the opposite direction and many miles away. When I took my kid food parcels (when they were a student) I shopped at the most convenient place close to where they were living so the food would still be fresh when I arrived.

phantomofthepopera · 31/10/2025 13:16

DancingNotDrowning · 31/10/2025 12:08

Have you ever eaten one variety of orange v another? Have you experienced how one might be very sweet e.g. a Valencia and another very tart e.g a Seville ?

within the same variety of orange have you ever had a juicy tasty orange v bitter chewy orange?

Different brands use different blends of orange so can taste completely different from that alone. The freshness of the fruit can also impact flavour with some brands using older fruit because it’s cheaper. Which again impacts flavour.

most importantly, regardless of whether it is freshly squeezed or made from concentrate the juice can be marked as 100% fruit juice but they are very different drinks.

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But OP has said that she CAN’T tell the difference! This isn’t about your preferences. It’s about someone expecting something more expensive than the one she usually has, which is perfectly nice when she’s buying it, but suddenly inferior when it’s somebody else’s money.

JLou08 · 31/10/2025 13:20

YABU and ungrateful.

FastTurtle · 31/10/2025 13:33

Twiglets1 · 31/10/2025 07:45

I shop in Waitrose for myself and husband.

If I was helping my daughter out with shopping to tide her over until payday (she has her own flat) I would definitely just pop into Waitrose for a few items for her. Not go to Tesco where I know she tends to shop.

I can understand you feeling upset @paintbynumberss I would feel happy inside to be helping my daughter but also to be treating her a bit because (in my opinion) there are nicer options in Waitrose hence it is more expensive.

I go to a cheaper shop for my DS, i mentally budget for example £25 and think to myself I can buy him more with that from the cheaper shop. I include some bits such as pasta, tins of tuna and stuff that’s good for an emergency meal as well as enough food for a few days, he’s always really appreciative.

Twiglets1 · 31/10/2025 13:49

FastTurtle · 31/10/2025 13:33

I go to a cheaper shop for my DS, i mentally budget for example £25 and think to myself I can buy him more with that from the cheaper shop. I include some bits such as pasta, tins of tuna and stuff that’s good for an emergency meal as well as enough food for a few days, he’s always really appreciative.

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Maybe it depends on your budget but given that OPs mother has a mortgage free house, can afford 2 holidays a year, drives a high end car and does her own shopping at M&S this suggests she has a good amount of disposable income.

This being the case, she probably doesn't need to budget £25 to help her daughter out. It's just odd to me that someone wouldn't just go to their usual supermarket to buy a few items for their daughter.

FastTurtle · 31/10/2025 13:57

Twiglets1 · 31/10/2025 13:49

Maybe it depends on your budget but given that OPs mother has a mortgage free house, can afford 2 holidays a year, drives a high end car and does her own shopping at M&S this suggests she has a good amount of disposable income.

This being the case, she probably doesn't need to budget £25 to help her daughter out. It's just odd to me that someone wouldn't just go to their usual supermarket to buy a few items for their daughter.

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I’m absolutely loaded but I try and buy my DS as much as possible as he finds it really hard to budget. For example I’ll buy sausages, bacon, eggs, beans, pasta, tuna, milk, mayonnaise, chicken thighs, rice, bananas, oven chips, ham and a bar of chocolate so he can make quite a few meals. This sits right with me and the money doesn’t come out of my own food shop money I use a different pot of money for it. It’s not about ‘needing’ to budget but I choose to in these circumstances.

Twiglets1 · 31/10/2025 14:05

FastTurtle · 31/10/2025 13:57

I’m absolutely loaded but I try and buy my DS as much as possible as he finds it really hard to budget. For example I’ll buy sausages, bacon, eggs, beans, pasta, tuna, milk, mayonnaise, chicken thighs, rice, bananas, oven chips, ham and a bar of chocolate so he can make quite a few meals. This sits right with me and the money doesn’t come out of my own food shop money I use a different pot of money for it. It’s not about ‘needing’ to budget but I choose to in these circumstances.

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Well we're all different.

If I was absolutely loaded I would be buying my adult kids the same quality food as I bought for myself but OPs mother is not doing this.

Wishimaywishimight · 31/10/2025 14:11

FastTurtle · 31/10/2025 12:47

Do you have grown up DC you help out with food?

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No, I don't have children. My own mum and dad, when I first moved out, did absolutely treat me by adding in some necessities plus treats for me when doing their own shopping - I would call in once a week for dinner and would go home with a bag of groceries.

I would do the same for my sister or a good friend (I have the means to do so now, as does the OP's mum by the sounds of it) rather than see someone I love struggle for food.

Lilly1812 · 31/10/2025 14:13

You must be joking right? The entitlement. You are lucky to have someone helping you out.

Lilly1812 · 31/10/2025 14:19

brunettemic · 31/10/2025 12:03

This is a joke right? It has to be, there’s literally no other way of explaining it.

It must be. I'm sure she's looking for a reaction because I don't get it.

NatalieW1907 · 31/10/2025 14:22

I wish I had my mum to bring me food when I am running low, be grateful of whatever she brings uts good of her.

Widower2014 · 31/10/2025 14:22

paintbynumberss · 30/10/2025 23:28

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

If it upsets you.uso .uch, politely tell your mum not to buy you stuff and get it yourself

Ava40 · 31/10/2025 14:23

paintbynumberss · 30/10/2025 23:28

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

Dont understand why your not grateful, if your an adult she didnt need to buy you anything. !
She can spend her own money as she chooses. Your sounding entitled!

AutumnalCrows · 31/10/2025 14:26

To be completely honest, OP, I would have sent my daughter some money to go get a shop in, or if she lived close by I’d have told her to come round to mine and help herself to whatever she needed and wanted.

I would take her a bag of basics, no.

Lilly1812 · 31/10/2025 14:33

Also I'm sure your mum worked hard and budgeted well to be able to afford her lifestyle. Maybe you should do the same and also be grateful. You are an adult and your mum is being nice helping you out.