To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

[paintbynumberss]

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

Fair enough. I'm not a fruit juice girl either! 😁

You are skint.

She brought you food.

Yet your quibbling over the fact she brought own brand apple juice.

Its literally own brand juice that op usually drinks!

That's a straw man argument.

It's not 'any scraps'. It's the same things that she CHOOSES for herself.

It's the whole heart of the argument.

It's the last thing I'd consider buying or asking for if I was totally broke, that's for sure. Wine on the other hand...🤣

It's the fact people are overlooking that the mother usually shops in a different shop but went out of her way to go to the one her daughter uses and buy the items her daughter buys. Absolutely fucking mental that that's a bad thing. Now THAT is typical Mumsnet.

HRTWT but have read op's single post.
Perhaps there's a back story and Mum doesn't approve of what you've spent your money on this month?

Unless there’s a huge back story your mum has done a nice thing. You didn’t need juice, salad etc - nice to have category. Presumably you had a tin of beans etc in, if not it’s good to have a few tins as backup meals. You said you were short of funds and she went out of her way to buy you some things you like and brands you usually buy and get them to you.
M & S can be cheaper for basics but I wouldn’t class juice as a basic.

Perhaps she knows you don't care about brand so thought there was no point paying over the odds. Perhaps she isn't entirely on board with having to bail you out and thinks you could manage your money better, so will cover basics but won't make a treat of it. Perhaps she is resentful of being told you're down to your last £1, and feels pressured into shopping for you, so is doing the mimum.
It's difficult without context to comment on her behaviour as much will depend on how often she has to do this and why, and your relationship in general.
In truth, it does sound rather petty in the scheme of things to be finding offense in a brand of juice you actually like, when clearly you have other things to worry about.

@rainingsnoring

OP doesn’t have children

@rainingsnoring

is it?? Why??

Can you please explain to me like I'm 5 how M&S orange juice, ingredients 100% orange juice, is better than Asda orange juice, ingredients 100% orange juice?

If she does know what OP likes she would know OP can't tell the difference, in which case why spend 3x on posh juice that the recipient doesn't consider any better. Maybe the chicken was the treat instead. I wouldn't be eating meat often If budget was tight.

If she doesn't know what OP likes then she got OP what she has seen her choosing for herself and knows is okay rather than something different that she doesn't know if she'll enjoy as much.

She may also be thinking that you might insist on paying her back after pay day, and keep budget down for that reason.

There are all sorts of things she may have been thinking, some supportive, some less so, we don't know. What we do know is the mum showed up with gifts. It just seems like OP's path through life would be happier if she said thanks and moved on.

@usedtobeaylis We dont know if Mum went out of her way. Sems to me it's quite likely that going to M&S would be out of mums way but going to where her daughter usually shops was on the way. So Mum just went to see how daughter was and picked up food on the way.

Absolutely agree, as a mother of adult kids.

Also agree.

It depends on the context op.

If i was the dm I would use the opportunity to treat my dd

its depends what she is like

I have a v mean sdm- she treats herself to long haul holiday s , good wine, new conservatory etc - but when I was in a similar situation gave me £ 1 for food to tide me over till the next day when I was breast feeding ( there had been a pay issue)

But mum might not know daughter drinks Asda juice but secretly hankers after innocent/m &s.
I try and buy my adult uni age daughter same brands and things as I know she has as she’s fussy and aware of calories.

The whole thing is mad. The orange juice couldn't have waited a day until OP could buy her own?

I just can't imagine moaning to my mum about not having food as an adult and then complaining online about what she bought me. I especially wouldn't ask my mother for food, if she had been hurtful in the past.

Why would M&S be out of the mum’s way? It is where she usually shops.

This is a joke right? It has to be, there’s literally no other way of explaining it.

Have you ever eaten one variety of orange v another? Have you experienced how one might be very sweet e.g. a Valencia and another very tart e.g a Seville ?

within the same variety of orange have you ever had a juicy tasty orange v bitter chewy orange?

Different brands use different blends of orange so can taste completely different from that alone. The freshness of the fruit can also impact flavour with some brands using older fruit because it’s cheaper. Which again impacts flavour.

most importantly, regardless of whether it is freshly squeezed or made from concentrate the juice can be marked as 100% fruit juice but they are very different drinks.

I'm wondering if there is a backstory here of your mum bailing you out for years. What's your work ethic like, what's your situation, why are you so skint?

I very happily help out my adult DDs, but they work hard ... if they didn't then I'd be reluctant to.

I think your mum has done a lovely thing.