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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would feel if you found out a family member was buying second hand Christmas presents for your children?

145 replies

ChristmasDilemma3 · 30/10/2025 21:13

It’s a long story but the short of it is we have multiple children under 10 in the family. They all believe in the magic of Christmas still and get spoilt rotten by us all. It’s great fun and I love seeing the joy in their faces when they open their gifts.

But because they get so much, they don’t really respect the value of what they get. I spent so much last year. I got one of the girls a beautiful doll. Within a week all of the accessories were lost and the hair had been cut off.

Next year I’ve got the opportunity to go on two trips that are trips I’ve wanted to go on for a long, long time. But it means almost all of my disposable income is going into savings. Part of this means cutting back on gifts. I’ve been scouring vinted and found some absolute bargains. I found a chad valley toy bundle for £11 all in which would’ve cost me £20 brand new, plus delivery etc.

Of what’s arrived so far, it’s all perfect. You’d not know it was second hand. I’m only buying new with tags from smoke free homes, and if anything comes that’s not of good enough quality to be gifted, I’ll sell it on or donate it.

How would you feel if you found out a family member was doing this?

YABU - I’d be annoyed, Christmas is about the kids and you should be spending more on them than a holiday

YANBU - it’s the thought that counts and they’ll never know the difference

OP posts:
MissyPants · 31/10/2025 07:17

It wouldn't bother me. I'm a big advocate of buying second hand things and often go to charity shops to buy my children's toys. Last Christmas we gifted our nephew a second hand toy in like new condition, wrapped it up without a box, no one said anything, but I wouldn't expect them too. If it was mentioned behind our backs then so be it, we can't control that. The child loved it tho. I don't think anyone would bring it up in front of you, and if they did have a problem with it then so what. But I do think if you are doing it then the toys need to be in like new, very good condition.

AliasGrape · 31/10/2025 07:21

I wouldn’t care at all.

Would love to know where you’re finding the cheap stuff on Vinted though - everything toy wise I look at is either visibly tatty or by the time you add in fees and postage it costs as much as it would it shops - with none of the protections (ironic since you pay a ‘protection fee’). I’m still an advocate of second hand but I find it’s increasingly difficult to find bargains.

Original poster
ChristmasDilemma3 · 31/10/2025 07:24

AliasGrape · 31/10/2025 07:21

I wouldn’t care at all.

Would love to know where you’re finding the cheap stuff on Vinted though - everything toy wise I look at is either visibly tatty or by the time you add in fees and postage it costs as much as it would it shops - with none of the protections (ironic since you pay a ‘protection fee’). I’m still an advocate of second hand but I find it’s increasingly difficult to find bargains.

I’m dedicating a couple of hours a night to it! If I find something I like I take a look at how long it’s been listed for, and then take a look at the profile of the person selling it. If it’s been up a long time and they’re obviously having a clear out, I’ll send a low offer and nine times out of ten they’re accepted. I don’t tend to buy from people selling things like jellycats or anything that retain their value because they’re obviously selling for more. I also filter by brand new with tags

OP posts:
WearyCat · 31/10/2025 07:28

Because you aren’t sure how this might be received, I wouldn’t mention it to the receiving parents- however I think it’s a great idea. The kids won’t know or care and it reduces waste. I’ve asked husband for a couple of Vinted items I like although I’m aware that he hasn’t bought them (yet!?) 😂

good for you and enjoy Christmas, and your trips!

TheGreenHare · 31/10/2025 07:32

Why not do a £10 book voucher and a selection box?
Kids often have so many toys and really don’t need anymore! Any they did want are usually bought by parents.

MysticalPombear · 31/10/2025 07:40

My dad used to take me to cat boot sales in 90s for board games. He isn't of fhis realm anymore, its a fond memory of us finding mousetrap, kerplunk or frustration for 50p back then... I didn't realise he was saving money, it was just something we did for fun. I loved it.

Kids don't care... they care about feeling loved and having fun.

Seahawk80 · 31/10/2025 07:51

I love a second hand gift, my mum got DS all the paw patrol characters from eBay and I didn’t feel guilty about the plastic. She’s got him the pp boat second hand this year. I will get most of his gifts from Vinted. But know your audience- I got Dniece a second hand toy in perfect condition last year and was bombarded with texts from SIL about where the box and instructions were! She’s DH’s brothers girlfriend so could have contacted DH or got BIL to message but she absolutely came for me and has hardly spoken to me since. Personally I don’t care as she outed herself as a total witch! But just a warning that not everyone is reasonable so it can be best to check!

user1471497170 · 31/10/2025 07:51

I would be delighted to receive such thoughtful gifts. I often buy second hand. Almost all my clothes are charity shop and vinted. My teens have caught on and prefer to buy second hand as their money goes further.

MrsFinchleysFlan · 31/10/2025 07:56

I absolutely wouldn't care at all about second hand things! I actively encourage my family to buy from Vinted for the kids as it just makes more sense to me. DC is getting a Lego set for Christmas that would otherwise have been twice the cost, plus there was an extra set included by the seller, so it was an even better deal.

I would also add that I would hold your judgement of the number of toys your nieces and nephews have until you have your own children. I would love to be minimalist and just have one box of toys that they love and play with, but with two sets of grandparents, plus a great grandparent, plus aunties and uncles and great anties and uncles plus friends there are a lot of people buying for my kids so they have a LOT of stuff and I do my best to filter every so often but it is a real challenge to control it! 🫠

Just saying 😉

FourChimneys · 31/10/2025 07:59

Secondhand has always been normal in our family for a lot of presents.

My friend's family has a secondhand only rule. They donate to a charity which has supported one of them as well.

Rusalina · 31/10/2025 08:01

I’d be very happy, as it’s the environmentally responsible thing to do. My children have fabulous top of the range toys and clothes because the majority of my family and I all shop second hand.

BabyToothbrush · 31/10/2025 08:22

One of my DC's aunts & uncles buys almost all their gift shopping from charity shops. Its not a secret and it bothers absolutely nobody. I think it's a good idea if you can find good, thoughtful gifts in good condition. The fact that it's secondhand is irrelevant.

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 10:13

Bournetilly · 31/10/2025 01:51

No and I would happily buy second hand for my DC but I wouldn’t buy second hand for other peoples DC unless the items were new.

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But they can be new WITHOUT the tags on lol

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 11:01

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 10:13

But they can be new WITHOUT the tags on lol

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Plus toys/books don't usually have "tags".

Original poster
ChristmasDilemma3 · 31/10/2025 11:04

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 11:01

Plus toys/books don't usually have "tags".

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To be fair it’s just the category on vinted. It means brand new

OP posts:
Bournetilly · 31/10/2025 11:09

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 10:13

But they can be new WITHOUT the tags on lol

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Obviously, but a new without tags toy wouldn’t be in its box would it? So it wouldn’t look new.

LeaderBee · 31/10/2025 11:09

Big deal, did the kids like what they got?

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 11:21

ChristmasDilemma3 · 31/10/2025 11:04

To be fair it’s just the category on vinted. It means brand new

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Oh ok 🙂

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 11:34

Bournetilly · 31/10/2025 11:09

Obviously, but a new without tags toy wouldn’t be in its box would it? So it wouldn’t look new.

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Cant really see why that would be a big deal. When my kids were young I remember things like dolls house and bikes and toy garages being constructed on Xmas eve so they were ready to play with Xmas day. Therefore they were out of boxes!!

Would it have been better to keep in boxes then so they have to wait until boxing day to play with them as too busy to spend Xmas day building stuff

Bournetilly · 31/10/2025 15:28

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 11:34

Cant really see why that would be a big deal. When my kids were young I remember things like dolls house and bikes and toy garages being constructed on Xmas eve so they were ready to play with Xmas day. Therefore they were out of boxes!!

Would it have been better to keep in boxes then so they have to wait until boxing day to play with them as too busy to spend Xmas day building stuff

Edited
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The question was about gifting second hand things to other peoples children though?

Obviously there is nothing wrong with building toys for your own children, or buying them WHATEVER you want. I’ve gifted my own children second hand used things in the past.

Surely you wouldn’t build gifts for other people’s children/ take other peoples children’s gifts out of the boxes?

RightOnTheEdge · 31/10/2025 15:33

When my kids were younger I used to buy them bundles of toys off Ebay for Christmas and birthdays and so did my mum. Things like Paw Patrol and Octonauts with lots of characters.

It's much better value and more fun for the kids to have a bundle of second hand toys than a brand new £90 tower or whatever that just includes one character I think.

I really wouldn't mind a relative doing this.

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 15:40

Bournetilly · 31/10/2025 15:28

The question was about gifting second hand things to other peoples children though?

Obviously there is nothing wrong with building toys for your own children, or buying them WHATEVER you want. I’ve gifted my own children second hand used things in the past.

Surely you wouldn’t build gifts for other people’s children/ take other peoples children’s gifts out of the boxes?

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If it's something like a bike being gifted by a grandparent then I would assume it would be put together before being given.
Not everything needs to be in a box.

Blablibladirladada · 31/10/2025 18:53

It is fine,
already loved gifts are the best.

Ddakji · 31/10/2025 18:55

If it was clean and in good nick I couldn’t care less.

ColdWaterDipper · 31/10/2025 18:56

It wouldn’t bother me at all, but then I buy some second hand toys & clothes for my children for birthdays and Christmas anyway. It’s environmentally friendly and it’s good for children to learn about reusing items. We are in a financial position where we never need to buy anything secondhand, so it’s completely by choice that I do so.