Page 5 | Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

Hilowmaybeno · 2025-10-30T17:59:57+00:00

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2. We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same. I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out. My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7. AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

Toddlergirly · 30/10/2025 19:04

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 19:01

Okay

So what if we take both, take my parents too. Do lots of things as a family but also slip off for time with DD1 while grandparents have DD2. Then when it’s DD2 who is 5, do the same?

You go off with dd1 for a couple of hours and DH stays with dd2 then swap.

Moneybum · 30/10/2025 19:05

Thatstheheatingon · 30/10/2025 18:22

So, take her and leave the smaller one at home if you think she won't care. Then all 4 of you go the next time.

Show quote history

this. You get what you want now but no distraught 7 yr old

iamoit · 30/10/2025 19:06

No way would I do that! Trust me OP when your eldest is 7 you will understand. It’s probably just about ok to do it now and leave the 2 year old as she’ll get little from it, but no way will you want to leave your 7 year old to do it. One of the very few times I’m going to be patronising and say trust me, you’ll see when you’re older!

Tiswa · 30/10/2025 19:06

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 19:01

Okay

So what if we take both, take my parents too. Do lots of things as a family but also slip off for time with DD1 while grandparents have DD2. Then when it’s DD2 who is 5, do the same?

Just let it go organically- separate off when needed stay together when it works

as I said we always separate now

a decent buggy and maximise nap times

at that age there isn’t much difference until it. Get to the bigger rides!

MinervaMouseHunter · 30/10/2025 19:06

What are everyone’s thoughts on taking DD1 this year when DD2 is too young to appreciate it and in a few years taking both girls with my parents so we can do both family things and things with just DD2 but DD1 won’t be missing out on the trip?

Leaving one dc out of a family holiday is just a flat out awful idea.

We have a biggish age gap between #2 and #3, 7 years.

There have been a number of times in the past when ds3 has looked at a photo of xyz and said 'where am I?'. And i've explained that his brothers are 6 and 4 in the photo and he wasn't born yet. He's always accepted this and he understands. AND there are far more family photos with him than without...but even so, his sad little face could break your heart and you can tell he feels left out.

I can't even imagine having to say 'Oh this photo? Oh yes, that's the time we all went to Disneyland but you stayed at home with nan'. Just awful.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 30/10/2025 19:06

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 19:01

There's a difference between doing things with your kids individually, and leaving a 7yo at home while you take her sister to bloody Disneyland.

Show quote history

She’s already been - at an age she would remember well. Mine, (from experience I might add) would absolutely understand.

I have reread though- and think I have a different view. When I take the child, it’s just me and Dad stays at home with whomever didn’t go. So it’s not like I’m only leaving 1 family member out. I don’t think I’d leave just 1 person at home. AND its not our main family holiday- we will go once or twice extra with all of us

IDontDrinkTea · 30/10/2025 19:07

Honestly there’s very few things that a 5 year old can do that would exclude a 2 year old. Plus 2 year olds are free so it wouldn’t cost you any more to take her too.
My daughter went at age 2 and loved every second. I don’t understand why you’d purposefully upset a child to leave them behind

Original poster

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 19:07

Toddlergirly · 30/10/2025 19:04

You go off with dd1 for a couple of hours and DH stays with dd2 then swap.

Show quote history

What we want though is time where both DH and I get to spoil each girl on their own but with DH and I together. Why can’t DD2 go off with grandparents (who she adores) for an afternoon then in 2 years swap it.
DD is only 4 and she already understands that on birthdays that person gets special treatment. I’m sure at 7 she will understand that we are going to spend some special time with DD2 for her birthday while she goes off for an afternoon on the big rides with her grandparents (who she also adores).

OP posts:

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 30/10/2025 19:07

Fair doesn’t mean ‘the same’

At 7, it would heartbreaking to be excluded.
And unless they hate each other, they would have so much more fun together in Disney when little sister is 5.
They will talk about the memory together for years to come. Doing fun things together as siblings builds such fond memories.

I also think splitting up at Disney to do something ‘Special’ 1-1 with younger daughter is an awful idea. Do something special for you ALL to mark the birthday, a character breakfast perhaps, and make a big deal that it is for the birthday. But do it together, no splitting off for 1-1 special treats.

You really don’t want to make either of them feel ‘less than’ or excluded by the way you celebrate with the other.

Excluding a child from a special event is very different than only birthday child received a birthday gift.

Edited to add. They may not want to split up for one to go with grandparents and one to go with Mom and Dad. There are not that many rides that a 7 year old can do that a younger child can’t.

And of course, equally they may be delighted to. You really wouldn’t know until you actually go to split them up on the actual day…

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 30/10/2025 19:07

We went to Disneyland a few weeks before DD1 was 5 and DD2 was around 16 months. I honestly couldn't have left DD2 at home and just taken the older one. DD2 really did enjoy it and I don't think it took anything away from it for DD1.

We separated if we needed to for different rides. We also went with some friends and their children who are the same age so split of in to two groups of 4.

To me most of our quality time now is as a family as that's what we are. I do take DD1 to parties, cinema, shows etc just us that are too old for DD2.

AliceMaforethought · 30/10/2025 19:07

It isn't any of your inlaws' business, so you should do what you want. However, I don't think that you need to make it 'fair' by taking the second daughter on her own when she turns five. Fairness doesn't always equal doing the exact same thing for different people regardless of circumstance. I doubt your DD2 will feel resentment because her sister got a holiday that she doesn't even remember.

moneyadviceplease · 30/10/2025 19:09

I don’t get this whole special thing about Disney that would be such a disaster not to take them together.

take your daughter for her 5th birthday and then your other daughter for her 5th birthday. Disney isn’t that great that it should cause a problem. It’s a funfair with princesses. Just tell your daughter that’s what everyone gets for their 5th birthday and then if they love it so much plan a Florida trip for both in the future. We have done Paris and Florida, my kids were fairly non plussed about Disney full stop and had much better more memorable trips

Ukholidaysaregreat · 30/10/2025 19:09

I think it will be fine to take the oldest one now. But later it wouldn't work well at all as they will both be prime Disney age. I would just take them both later. Chances are DD1 will have left home and DD2 will get to go on a family holiday with you paid for. I think as long as you do things they enjoy at the age they will enjoy it that is fine. I wouldn't take a 5yr old to Disney and leave a 7yr old behind. That sounds awful.

CreativeGreen · 30/10/2025 19:10

God no, I wouldn't do this! You're a family - if you must go to Disneyland, go together and make sure each child gets some time with one parent, but what you're teaching each child here is that the best time is time without a sibling present! Seems off in all kinds of ways to me tbh

No87 · 30/10/2025 19:11

I'm not convinced with your second plan either. So DC1 gets Disneyland with just her and her parents but DC2 has to share her Disney experience? As the youngest child i always had to share my birthdays/outings etc with my older sister but half the time I didn't go on hers since I was deemed too young/inappropriate. How about no Disney for birthdays or a joint holiday when they are both old enough?

mindutopia · 30/10/2025 19:11

I think that’s a great idea. No way I’d take a 2 year old to Disney and honestly, I don’t even know if I’d take a 5 year old (7-9 would be better).

But I take my dc on separate holidays all the time. It’s lovely. Dd and I went to Venice when she was 6 and I took ds to Valencia when he was 6 (there’s 5 years between them). Dh took dd to France last summer and I’ll probably take ds to Spain again next year. It’s lovely to have that 1 to 1 time. But yes, you have to take them individually.

Only concern would be childcare (if you’re lumping them with doing it). With us, either Dh or I stays home with the other one, so not relying on anyone else.

moneyadviceplease · 30/10/2025 19:11

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 30/10/2025 19:07

Fair doesn’t mean ‘the same’

At 7, it would heartbreaking to be excluded.
And unless they hate each other, they would have so much more fun together in Disney when little sister is 5.
They will talk about the memory together for years to come. Doing fun things together as siblings builds such fond memories.

I also think splitting up at Disney to do something ‘Special’ 1-1 with younger daughter is an awful idea. Do something special for you ALL to mark the birthday, a character breakfast perhaps, and make a big deal that it is for the birthday. But do it together, no splitting off for 1-1 special treats.

You really don’t want to make either of them feel ‘less than’ or excluded by the way you celebrate with the other.

Excluding a child from a special event is very different than only birthday child received a birthday gift.

Edited to add. They may not want to split up for one to go with grandparents and one to go with Mom and Dad. There are not that many rides that a 7 year old can do that a younger child can’t.

And of course, equally they may be delighted to. You really wouldn’t know until you actually go to split them up on the actual day…

Edited

Mine barely remember Disney. They certainly don’t rate it as a highlight. Meeting elephants in Thailand, yes (youngest was 4) but Disney no,

TheHairInClaudiasEyes · 30/10/2025 19:12

Go as a family, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t all celebrate a family birthday. You had two years of one to one with your first DD before 2nd DD was born.

Momager12345 · 30/10/2025 19:13

Lots of people are telling you the same thing, but you don't seem to want to hear it to be honest. Why should just the eldest get to go twice? Just take them both. Twice. As a family of four.

Original poster

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 19:13

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 30/10/2025 19:07

Fair doesn’t mean ‘the same’

At 7, it would heartbreaking to be excluded.
And unless they hate each other, they would have so much more fun together in Disney when little sister is 5.
They will talk about the memory together for years to come. Doing fun things together as siblings builds such fond memories.

I also think splitting up at Disney to do something ‘Special’ 1-1 with younger daughter is an awful idea. Do something special for you ALL to mark the birthday, a character breakfast perhaps, and make a big deal that it is for the birthday. But do it together, no splitting off for 1-1 special treats.

You really don’t want to make either of them feel ‘less than’ or excluded by the way you celebrate with the other.

Excluding a child from a special event is very different than only birthday child received a birthday gift.

Edited to add. They may not want to split up for one to go with grandparents and one to go with Mom and Dad. There are not that many rides that a 7 year old can do that a younger child can’t.

And of course, equally they may be delighted to. You really wouldn’t know until you actually go to split them up on the actual day…

Edited

I don’t agree. Growing up we always got a special 1-1 treat day for our birthdays. I have 3 sisters and our birthdays are all in 2 months of each other. We got to pick what we wanted to do with mum and dad for our birthday (shopping, special lunch out, going to the theatre) and we did that with just mum and dad. It was included as part of the birthday celebrations along with a family meal, party with friends and presents.

OP posts:

CreativeGreen · 30/10/2025 19:13

If you want some quality time alone with dd1, take her to town and get a hot chocolate and buy her some treats or something - not across the world without her sister! This gets weirder the more I think about it actually

Original poster

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 19:15

Momager12345 · 30/10/2025 19:13

Lots of people are telling you the same thing, but you don't seem to want to hear it to be honest. Why should just the eldest get to go twice? Just take them both. Twice. As a family of four.

If you read my updated idea it is taking them both twice?

Maybe it’s just me but I find the balance between treating them as individuals whilst also being fair tricky.

Some are saying it’s fine not to take DD2 this time, just take both next time. You are saying it would be unfair for DD1 to get an extra trip, clearly there is no right answer!

OP posts:

BallerinaRadio · 30/10/2025 19:16

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 19:01

Okay

So what if we take both, take my parents too. Do lots of things as a family but also slip off for time with DD1 while grandparents have DD2. Then when it’s DD2 who is 5, do the same?

I'm not sure why you posted here because you clearly want this and that's fair enough if you want it but you have lots of people saying why they think it's not a good idea and you still persist with this idea

Original poster

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 19:16

CreativeGreen · 30/10/2025 19:13

If you want some quality time alone with dd1, take her to town and get a hot chocolate and buy her some treats or something - not across the world without her sister! This gets weirder the more I think about it actually

Paris is hardly across the world! It’s a train away, it’s closer to us than my in laws in Edinburgh!
DH and I used to frequently go to Paris for a day just to see friends and get lunch.

OP posts:

CreativeGreen · 30/10/2025 19:16

Wouldn't you miss dd2 this time, and dd1 next time?