Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

You seem to have made up your mind ,so our advice may well be disregarded!
No way can you expect a 7yr old to understand your reasons. And using it as a teaching exercise is bizarre. She will only be 7. I agree with most posters. It is unfair and a bit hearless frankly. You can take her out for a day trip at home if you want quality time witj her. Anyhow the younger one would hate it without het big sister.
I would be interested in what you do.

Dare I suggest doing something else just with dd1 now, then wait until they are both a bit older, and take them separately but within a few weeks of each other. Otherwise you could go with all of you, and go off separately during the day, one dd with you, and one with your dh?
Tbh one of my favourite things is going to Disney with my dd (11). We go each year as we only live a few hours drive away so it’s easy/inexpensive to get there. One on one time is super special.
As pp’s have pointed out, it’s all well & good taking your dd1 now, but there may well be issues when you take dd2 in a few years. Unless of course you make it absolutely clear to dd1 that that’s what will happen in the future, and bring it up every so often so that she doesn’t forget & it’s not a big deal when it happens?

What’s the obsession with that needing to be at Disney have quality 1:1 time weekly or monthly. Use school holidays if DD2 is still at nursery or use grand parents at weekends or divide and conquer like most parents do and have 1:1 not 2:1

What kind of relationship do you hope your girls will have? Because promoting a wonderful birthday ‘special treat’ of excluding their sibling is not the way to model family harmony.

Is your older daughter the favoured child? I very much suspect you have no intention of leaving her behind in a couple of years when your ‘other’ daughter has her turn to go!
if I’ve got this wrong and you really do intend to do what you say, good luck! Leaving a seven year old behind, that has already been. And knows what it’s all about, will be a nightmare and only breed resentment and jealousy between your children.

This puzzles me

The sensible thing to do is to make sure the older child is in on the arrangements for her younger sibling. Let her help arrange the big Disney birthday trip and have a small party afterwards so they can compare notes

As OP said earlier, it's a great teaching moment. One far too few kids get these days when fair means nobody has anything special, everyone gets the same for fear of hurty feelz!

I’m really not sure what sort of a mum you are given some of your reply’s! You really don’t seem to be enjoying your youngest child and even seem resentful that you have to spend time with her but don’t have time with your oldest.
my niece takes her 2 year old to Disney regularly, she loves it, knows the names of all the princesses and has dress up clothes that she ‘parades in’ at almost three, she will enjoy every minute, but of course, if you don’t want to take her………..

Quality alone time with each child separately is fine (though you do sound overly concerned about it, which is unusual). But it doesn’t have to be expensive holidays planned months or years in advance. It can be cuddling up with DD1 with a book every evening once DD2 is in bed ie little and often, rather big and infrequently.

You think asking a 7 year old to help plan a Disney trip for her 5 year old sister which she is not going on is a good idea? I think it's a recipe for trashing a sibling relationship and breeding resentment and upset. Teaching moment my arse. Yes, life is full of disappointment, doesn't mean we ahould be deliberately foisting it upon young children FFS.

Fortunately after the Roland Garros and Biarritz additions to the saga I won't worry too much about these kids specifically. That said it's sad to me that some others are speaking in support of this "teaching moment" shite.

Surely that would be better for everyone.
Your parents can do things with your youngest whilst you do things with your eldest and then vice versa. There maybe things you'll want to do all together. Everybody wins, nobody gets left out and everyone gets to share in the memories.

I took DC1 away for a weekend to a European city when she was 5. Left 1 year old DC2 at home with DP. When DC2 was older (I think he was 8 because covid got in the way when he was 5/6) I did the same trip with him and left DC1 at home with her Dad. Everyone was very happy.

Its not Disney because thats not my scene but same principle applies imo.

Do you just… not like your seven year old?

Take DD5 out for a Yes Day in your local area just the three of you.

Save Disney for when they are both older, can go on more rides and both get more out of it.

I took my two age 7 and 10 and it was great.

Crazy idea. For goodness sake you're a family, why would you even think this was a good idea. Pity help your kids, you should be nurturing their sisterly bond not being selfish and putting your wants first.

It sounds like you don't even like your youngest very much. You're also assuming your kids want to spend one on one time with you. This is what you want, not what's best for your children.

To be honest i would do disney with both of them in a couple of years. I completely understand the need for one to one time with your eldest but I would do something small but regular for one to one time rather than a big trip to avoid jealousy between them. My dc love their 1-1 time but we don't make it expensive. At this age doing lego or crafts together without the little one mucking it up is a huge treat.

Bad idea. Your pil are right, in my opinion.
I think choose something else for 5 year olds birthday where little one can be too but maybe looked after by another person so 5 year old can be spoiled.
In a couple of years you can do Disney with both girls.
I get the feeling you'll press ahead with your idea though ...

I would hate to grow up in this family. Sounds like you really resent your DD2… “I feel robbed of time with D1 because she was born”.
Taking them and leaving the other one out is horrible, even if they both get a turn to be “the chosen one”. Just mean and unpleasant. There are ways to carve out time with each without this nasty plan.

This doesn’t make any sense either. What about all the “alone time” you had with DD1 before DD2 was even born? You just said she started preschool the year DD2 was because born so you had 3 years of special time. and why can’t you do 1on1 time at weekends with DD1 and your husband take DD2? All of this sounds weird and unhealthy. Probably should have just stuck with one kid if this is how you feel / treat them.

Why do you think that when I’ve literally updated to say we will take both girls both times?

Am I the only person that thinks this is cruel. Plain crackers 🤣🤣 why would you leave a child out like that, pure insanity.

@Hilowmaybeno thanks for the updates.
I think the hard time you are getting is due to your ‘normal’ being grand gestures that most people do once (or twice if they are lucky)
You come from grand gestures so that’s ok :) (this is not being said disparagingly)
Your upbringing was not the norm.

I have done individual things with my children (now grown) as some liked different football teams/ sports. I just wouldn’t box things off in advance and be concerned about equality as some children like one on one and others prefer to merge into family.

Enjoy your time :)

Do you want your children to hate each other for the rest of their lives?

Discriminating between them from such a young age is a sure fire way to ruin their relationship &, ultimately, your relationship with them.

I’d never in a million years do this! We took both our children twice when they were younger. I wouldn’t dream of leaving one behind, but that’s me.

Weirdly I did similar for my sister many years ago

I will admit that when she was asked to help arrange my birthday surprise in return the activity she chose was more to her taste than mine - but we didn't hate each other for those choices. Because, shite as my parents are, they taught us to actually like each other, to respect birthdays as being about the birthday person

That id actually used to be perfectly normal!

You’re a rare Mumsnetter. You’ve posted on AIBU, listened to replies, considered them, then adjusted your position to something more reasonable. I think you’re quite likely to be banned.

What you suggest here is a good solution. And I say that as the parent of girls two years apart, with a few Orlando trips behind us.