Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

I’m with the in laws sorry! No way will you be able to take just DD2 and leave a 7 year old DD1 at home!
Anyway 5 & 7 is a much nicer age to take them both, I would wait until then and do something different with them both this year.
We did Alton towers/cbeebies land with our DDs when they were that age and they really enjoyed it.

I think this is cruel personally. Can you imagine how she will feel during her 'learning experience' watching her younger sibling go do Disneyland alone when she's 7 and fully aware how amazing it is?
Siblings love being together too, that's part of the magic for them, Disney is about shared family memories. Your desire for alone time went your DD1 sounds self driven. There are plenty of ways to spend time with a child without going to Disney. It sounds like you just want a holiday without the hassle of a 2 year old.
I have three boys and they adore one another, I could never separate them for such a huge occasion. Equally I grew up with a brother I adored, I can't even fathom us having been forced to 'take it in turns' to go to Disneyland, especially when one of us was 7!

What if you can’t afford it for the 2nd or you can’t find care for your eldest or you and DH have split up?

I know someone who had this exact plan for the Santa trip, the younger one never got to go.

Perfectly fine to leave DD2 at home now, but absolutely mental to leave DD1 at home when you take DD2.

It’s fair to only take kids to Disneyland when they appreciate it. It’s absolutely not fair to leave one kid at home when they fully understand their sibling is going to Disney and they may only have hazy memories of when they went.

Hm maybe the best call would be to take DD alone for her 5th birthday then plan a trip with my parents for DD2s 5th so we can still have time alone with DD2 for her 5th but DD1 still gets to come and doesn’t feel left out.

I don’t if I’m just really struggling with DDs transition into full time school and the lack of one to one time we get with her.
We obviously do loads together as a family, next year we will be spending 2 weeks in Italy in August so we will still have a family trip, plus our April holiday and skiing in February. It’s not that I don’t love time where it is all 4 of us, I just miss the one to one time with DD1 too.

Is it a surprise? Of not if discuss it with her. See what she’d prefer and talk about the fact you’ll take dd2 alone at the same age and how she might feel. Let her choose

Yes the impact of taking the younger one and leaving the older behind is the issue. Dd got a phone first, DD will next year learn how to drive first but when DS got his phone DD still kept hers

abyway we got to Disney a lot and we just separate out (now actually the kids go off together) for the different ages and dislikes/likes into pairs ans spend time together

You are coming across as favouring your oldest girl now.

You cannot seriously think this a good idea, you must see how this would make your daughter feel.

No we absolutely do love time together as a family and I’m well aware something awful could happen in the 2 years between.
Cost isn’t something we are worried about tbh, I know that’s incredibly privileged and I’m not saying it in a flippant way. We also have a whole host of grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends who are keen to babysit.
However like I said maybe it’s better to take just DD1 this year as I don’t feel it would be a good trip for DD2 right now and I’d argue might actually hinder DD1s experience (we all adore DD2 but somethings just aren’t as fun with a toddler), then when it’s DD2s turn take my parents too so DD1 still gets to come along and do family things but DH and I can also slip off to do special things for DD2s birthday.

2 weeks in Italy, your April holiday and skiing in February?

Oh my heart bleeds at your hardship

No no it’s not favouritism at all. We get every Wednesday afternoon alone with DD2, and have always had lots of alone time with DD2 as DD1 started pre-school the year she was born. What we don’t get is any alone time with DD1. That’s not favouritism that’s wanting to equalise the quality time with each child.

Not taking DD2 is fine - she’s too young to get much out of it. When DD2 is 5, then take them both.

Don’t frame it as only taking one because it’s their birthday, frame it as taking the one that it is age appropriate for.

Maybe it's because you can afford it but it sounds like you don't live in the real world.

Your plan to let your elder child miss out aged 7 is akin to psychological abuse; you don’t seem to have much common sense or empathy.

If you crave one to one time with your DD1, you could bring her out for a hot chocolate/cake or some activity for a few hours on a Saturday morning. Or a trip to the theatre. Or spend time with her when your youngest goes to bed - even if it's just a 15 minute board game.

Life doesn't work like that though. If you try to 'equalise' your time and experiences like this you're going to tie yourself in knots it's just unsustainable

Way to cause resentment OP.

⬆️ This. It will be a whole different experience with two excited primary school children if you take them again for the youngest’s 5th. Your younger one has always had to share you with a sister. She doesn’t know any different.

No absolutely do not do this. You really can't for all the reasons pp's have said.

I’m not saying we permanently try to equalise it. What I’m saying is I miss having quality time with DD1, I don’t have that with DD2 as we get lots of quality time with her, zoo trips, museums, playing in the park etc. on a Wednesday afternoon. When DD1 was the same age we didn’t get loads of quality one on one time with her as we had a newborn and I was breastfeeding.

I understand the original plan is a bad idea so we don’t that.

What are everyone’s thoughts on taking DD1 this year when DD2 is too young to appreciate it and in a few years taking both girls with my parents so we can do both family things and things with just DD2 but DD1 won’t be missing out on the trip?

Also you physically can't equalise your time because one is at school and one isn't. You could always get grandparents to watch your youngest once a month to take your eldest out somewhere but it's practically impossible to get it completely equal when one is in full time education and one isn't.

Life doesn't work like that though. If you try to 'equalise' your time and experiences like this you're going to tie yourself in knots it's just unsustainable

I agree with this. DD2 doesn't get 4 days alone with you - just the odd afternoon - so it would already be unbalanced. Not to mention the couple of years DD1 got when DD2 didn't even exist. You can never equalise that!

I think now fine as 2 yr old wont know any better.
But leaving older dc at 7 is awful. I cant imagine that gping down well

I have a 9, 5 and 3 year old. We don't get to do loads of family holidays but we did Efteling this year when DS3 was still 2. I can't imagine him not being there, I would have missed him painfully. But most of all his siblings would have hated him to be missing, the joy they got from his enjoyment was precious.
We took my parents with us, so plenty of opportunity to take each child on different rides that were age appropriate.