Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

It’s not the odd afternoon, it’s every Wednesday from 12-4 with both DH and I, during which we often go to the zoo or the park or a museum, plus Tuesday and Thursday afternoons with just me.

I didn't mean to quote in my last post

Why don't you just take your in-laws both times? They can look after the little one for a bit this time and next time they can do whatever you all fancy. I guarantee you won't want to leave the 7 year old though.

Take your elder DD for her 5th birthday. The 2 year old is not missing out by not going. Take them both when DD2 is 5, 'sharing' a Disney trip with a 7 year old is very different to having to make allowances for a toddler. Eventually, the day may come when DD1 stops coming on holiday with you while her younger sister still does. It will all even out in the end. But don't plan to leave a 7 year old out of a trip to Disney ffs.

3 years is a long time for a 4-7 year old. I get wanting to take the 4 year old without the 2 year old, and that seems reasonable. However I would then take them both at 4+6/5+7. Your 7 year old will experience Disney very differently from how she did at 4. She isn't going to think "I did that at 4, so I don't want to do it at 7." She's going to think "why am I being told I can't go on a really fun trip with my sister and parents, when my going was before I even remember!" Your 2 year old isn't going to register that her sister went before. It's fine to do individual trips, but I'd do something lower key that the 4 year old will enjoy now without her little sister, but that the 2 year old won't especially want to experience when she is older. How about a nice restaurant meal which the 4 year old would like, but the 2 year old would just want to run round at? Or what kids theatre have you got locally? Our city theatre had lots of shows that my son enjoyed at 4 or 5 that he wouldn't have sat through at 2!

As I genuinely don’t believe DD2 will get much if any joy out of 4 days at a packed Disneyland Paris in July when it’s likely to be quite hot.

Why can't DD1 go twice? Take her for her birthday then go again when they're both old enough to go on the good rides. There's no point going with a 2-yr old who will likely get over tired and won't remember it anyway.

I agree with your in-laws. 2 is too young to appreciate such a trip anyway. (Arguably so is 5 - my kiddo can’t remember most of what she did aged 5). I’d go with them both together when they are eg 8 and 10 - ideally when they are both tall enough for the rides they’d like to go on.

I think it would be ok to take the older one alone now. But you can't leave her behind in two years.

Not everything needs to be fully equal. It's ok if the older one gets an "extra" holiday now because the younger one isn't old enough. You probably will go away with just the younger one once the oldest moves out too.

Right now letting your older DD have something special doesn't cause anything negative for your younger. But the opposite will be true in 2 years. It's more important to avoid that negative feeling than to ensure perfect fairness.

If you did want to even things a bit could you take an extra adult like a grandparent in two years and they go off with the older child on some bigger rides while you and dad spend extra attention on the birthday girl?

This is a much better idea! I think you’ll all have a better time.

I think this is a better idea/way of doing it. I sort of understand your perspective I do miss my 5yo now he's at school and feel 2yo takes up a lot more of my attention.
BUT my 5yo gets hurt and jealous if his little brother even goes over to the grandparents without him. I can't imagine how gutted he'd be if we went on a fun holiday without him.

Take just DD1 this time and both next time. DD1 will be devastated to miss out when she’s 8 and little sis is 5. She’ll probably be tall enough for more fun rides when she’s 8 too.

That sounds like your eldest is your favourite 🤷‍♀️

Honestly, I think Disney is too big to do without both children. If you want one on one time, I'd do something far smaller like a trip to the cinema or something.

I’m not sure we are focussed so much on the rides right now, we might always go back when both are older for the rides . For DD it’s the princesses, the castle, the magic etc. that she is likely to enjoy now. I don’t really care if she remembers it or not, it’s not all about making memories sometimes it’s just doing something really special that they will enjoy in their current life stage.

“As I genuinely don’t believe DD2 will get much if any joy out of 4 days at a packed Disneyland Paris in July when it’s likely to be quite hot”

but you think a 5yo will? Seems very unlikely to me. Super busy and hot isn’t usually appealing at any age but definitely not at 5!

Will the 2 year old be just 2 or closer to 3?
We took ours at 4 and 2 and had a brilliant time. 2 year old loved seeing the characters walking around, loved the rides. Doesn’t remember it now of course, but had a great experience at the time, and actually the siblings talked about it for a good few months afterwards.

I took my 4 and nearly 2 year old in August. It was a special treat for the 4 year old before they started Reception. It sounds totally bonkers to me to exclude your 2 year old. Your 4 year old will get the impression you think things are better without your 2 year old and your 4 year old will be devastated when they miss out at 7. It’s a family trip or not at all in my opinion.

Some children may have very clear memories of holidays from that age, but we took DS to Florida Disney when he was 5. He can't remember it at all.

So I wouldn't get too hung up on creating special memories for a 5th birthday. In your shoes I would do it as a family when the youngest was about 6.

But I agree it would be nice to do something just with your older daughter, but it doesn't have to be linked to her birthday.

I'm still not convinced your daughter will feel any better being left with granny and grandad while her sister mum and dad go off and have fun family time without her

Your 2 year old, won't know if she's off to Blackpool or Disneyland, and won't care whichever it might be! However, your eldest is will be 7 when your youngest reaches 5, and will very much be aware, that she won't be going! I agree with your PIL, you are asking for a whole heap of trouble. Why don't you wait for a few years, until they're both old enough to actually remember going! Do you remember a holiday that you went on at 4????!! I don't! Instead make some 1:1 time for your eldest on a much lower level.

I would have thought that a 2 year old would enjoy Disneyland in July at least as much as skiing in February.

I think the age of the 2 year old is really relevant too. My son was 2 years 10 months at Efteling and had an absolute blast! He still talks about the bumpy boat ride (piranha) he absolutely loved it and went on ride after ride giggling away. Loved all the characters too. But when he had just turned 2 it would have been different possibly.

She will be in Disneyland! I think if it’s sold as she’s going off to do the bigger rides with granny and grandad which little sister is too small for while we do something with little sister she won’t think twice about it?

I can't imagine even thinking this - it's just horrible. It makes me feel so sad for your older child.

Take them both twice, or wait until DD2 is a little older and go as a family.

That could work I think