Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

Well she might not think twice about it..

But really you've no idea how she'll be or react when that time comes....

A lot can change in how they are

So your DD2 will be 3 (or close to) when you plan to go next year? I think that is cruel in itself. I have no words for you planning to do the same with DD2 when she’s 5 and you seeing it as a ‘learning opportunity’ 😩 poor kids. You can do other things with DD1 now 1-1 to spend quality time with her instead of excluding each child from a Disney trip.

You can have 1 on 1 time which is special for your DD1s birthday without it being a 4 day break to Disney.

Honestly a 5 year old is unlikely to enjoy the heat and queues either!

That's what you're hoping for, I'm not convinced

Mine had a similar age gap, but we always went together. I wouldn’t have wanted to do it 1-1 personally as they enjoyed being together on holiday too.

DD2 will be about 5 weeks off of her 3rd birthday. Maybe we do just all go this time and take grandparents too.

No but we celebrate birthdays as a family. We took dd1 age 4 to Disney plus 6mo twins (they slept in the buggy most of the time) then went again just before twins started primary and dd1 was 7. Had a great time both time making family memories.

there’s learning opportunities and then there’s deliberately creating upsetting moments in your dc childhood. Is the “learning opportunity worth it?”

I’ll be honest, I have 2 daughters 23 months apart, teenagers now. When she was 5 DD2 would have been miserable without her big sister, at that age they were obsessed with each other. Feel free to leave a 2 year old at home and spend quality time with your big girl, that sounds lovely. It won’t work the other way around though

I dont think a 7 year old has the mentality to understand that. I think she will be extremely upset

I think its a lovely idea but in reality I dont think it will work quite as easily as that

You can’t compare a 7year old being left at home with grandparents while little sibling gets to go to Disneyland, to a 15 year old getting a car in 2 years time. For one, the 15yo should certainly have the emotional maturity to understand why they aren’t getting the same thing as big sister at the same time.

you cannot approach their childhoods with a view to making each and every thing exactly equal. Life doesn’t work that way. What happens if by the time your youngest turns 5 your financial situation significantly changes and you can’t afford to take her? Personally, I’d wait until youngest is at least 5 then go as a family, and find something else to do for oldest 5th birthday that isn’t such a big ticket item.

Age 5 and 3 are good ages to go to Disneyland so take both of them. You can take in turns spending 1:1 with the eldest.

I was going to add this too, my 4 year old would have been to upset if we’d left their sibling behind. I think they would have refused to go without them.

Multiple things are you wanting them to form memories or cute pictures?

How many people remember things they did when they were 5?

Plus the Dumbo in the room the boycott because of the company’s connections to a genocide ..verified by checking the No Thanks app for details.

I took both of mine for the first time (admittedly Orlando) just before and after they turned 3 and it was the most magical trip.

DDs joy at seeing Donald Duck (and special agent Oso who has since disappeared) was magical and an obsession that still exists 13 years later (at Christmas we are going and her plan is to met every Donald Duck)

this is all about you I think and guilt about having another and sadness that she is growing up

Only if you don’t explain it properly or bring her up right!

Ive done special 1 on 1 things with each of my kids taking in turns. There’s no envy (at least not expressed) and everyone knows the craic. (A bit like when it’s someone else’s birthday)

That 1 on 1 time is fantastic and I would highly recommend. My last trip was to Venice with my eldest. It’s my daughter’s turn next so I’m beginning to plan for that. My son wont bat an eyelid.

Neither. I want them to experience magic in the moment, that’s all. Obviously we will take pictures but it’s not about the pictures, it’s about seeing our little girls experiencing the magic in the moment even if they don’t remember it.

My Dd was 2 when we went and got a lot out of it. I’d feel mean if I was in disney and one of my DC wasn’t there. Really mean and wouldn’t enjoy it the same.

I think your PIL are right! This is asking for chaos when older DD is watching you take younger DD!! It’s pretty selfish too, you’re doing for you guys as well. Just suck it up and take both the kids or don’t go.

So take them both!

Honestly, I despair.

Okay

So what if we take both, take my parents too. Do lots of things as a family but also slip off for time with DD1 while grandparents have DD2. Then when it’s DD2 who is 5, do the same?

There's a difference between doing things with your kids individually, and leaving a 7yo at home while you take her sister to bloody Disneyland.

I'd agree with you.

I've three dcs. And we've done things separately with them and we've never had a distraught older one, despite some of the things being major treats for our dc.

In fact they've normally been excited to tell the younger ones that "when you're 5yo you'll go to X" and "when you're there you can...."

They also, especially the older ones appreciate the times when the attention is totally on them, because the younger ones just need that bit more attention.

If you present it to them as "this is your 5th birthday, so #2 is staying with grandma. When Dd2's 5yo, we'll take her and you can will a special time with Grandma too."

And you can comment about it to remind her. "Maybe grandma will take you to do X when you're having a special time when we take dd2 on her 5yo birthday trip".

Five is more than old enough to understand this. People on here seem to have such poor expectations of children's understanding.

Why do you need to "slip off" with anyone at Disneyland?

Just take everyone together and enjoy it as a family. Twice, if you want.

Gosh why can’t I want 1-1 time with DD1 for her birthday then DD2 for hers?

I love both my girls and we do so many things as a family but I also really enjoy time with them alone, I love getting to give them a little extra one to one attention.

You've never had a distraught older one that you know of.

Who knows how they'll feel once they grow up and have their own families?