Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

There's a difference between shopping or lunch out, and a holiday to Disneyland.

So if it's so close and so easy to get to, just take everyone, multiple times.

Well I miss my children often, but I don’t think I’d miss them anymore than I do when DH and I go away for our anniversary weekend or valentines weekend?

Adding to my list of benefits to having an only child: we don’t have to pretend they are an only child as a special treat 😂

Posted too soon! Edit: you feel how you feel, but I think more people can understand 1-1 time than 2-1 time. 1-1 time means quality time where it’s just about the child connecting to the parent, 2-1 time feels more like shoving someone out!

This is what I'd do, and have done. Leave the smallest at home now. Then take them both in two years. The younger one really won't mind/know.

Completely get your logic as both my DDs are in nursery & I take the odd annual leave day to spend 1:1 with one of them. I do think it will be a nightmare when DD1 is 7, but I think by the time you have a 7 and 5 year old you can just take them both. I know this goes against the grain but I’d just take dd1 now and see how you feel in 2 years if you take both/it’s realistic to only take 1 🤷‍♀️

I’d take the 5 yr old now and assume you’ll take both in a few years time. I’m sure there will be other things you can do 1-1 with DD2, but I think not taking a 7 year old to Disney will be gutting for her

Maybe this is just different family dynamics playing out.

Growing up my parents often did things with just one child, including weekends away. My sister often went to Roland Garros or Wimbledon with my parents alone while we stayed with grandparents. My parents would take me snowboarding alone and leave the others, my other sister enjoyed surfing so they would take her to Biarritz for a weekend, my other sister really enjoyed F1 so my parents would take her to Silverstone or Belgium for the Grand Prix. None of us resent each other as we all got to go what we wanted to and had a great time with our grandparents in the meantime.

It’s not just unkind….it’s cruel

Why don't you just save the money by going twice, and just go once when they're both at an age they'll enjoy it? I could not imagine my 8 year olds upset and disappointment, if we told her we were going to disneyland for her sisters birthday and she wasn't coming, regardless of whether she'd been before or not. Disneyland is all about family time, and it just wouldn't feel right for us to leave one behind

Totally totally this!
1 on 1 is understandable, 2 on 1 is like pretending the sibling doesn't exist for a few days. I think it's really damaging to teach children that truly special time is when their siblings aren't present! I try to teach the total opposite.
My kids would be miserable without each other anyway. I tried to have a one on one day with my 5 year old recently and he asked why his brother wasnt coming, and I realised I was just doing it from my own misplaced guilt.

My friend and her DH only holiday one at a time with their children, they rotate it each year. I find it bizarre, but it seems to work for them!

They are adults.

They all think it was a great thing to do - and yes, they would speak out if they'd been upset.

I've just asked the oldest if she was distraught when we did that, and she laughed because she thought I was joking. She says that they always had a good time staying behind too, and it was fair which was important.

I remember being about 7 or so when my (single parent) Mum left me with my Grandparents to go on an adults only day to Alton Towers. My 7 year old brain was so distraught at the injustice that I didn’t get to go to the fun place too that I remember it clearly now. I can’t imagine if there’d been other children (a sibling!!) going and I couldn’t, not withstanding that I’d been before. You can’t do it OP, and that’s the nature of having more than one child surely. A special day trip somewhere less amazing than Disneyland maybe passable, or take DD1 on her own while the 2 year won’t know the difference but you can’t then leave her behind in 3 years.

But this isn't a case of one child would enjoy it and the other wouldn't... Okay, maybe at the current ages, your 2 year old would probably get hot and bored in queues. But when you have 5 year old and 7 year old girls, you cannot think for a second the eldest would be totally okay with being dumped at the grandparents while you go and make memories with her sister. Absolutely not okay.

This must be one of the oddest things I have read on mumsnet in ages. A truly odd plan and I know this sounds rude OP but it makes me wonder about the rest of your parenting.

Incidentally, I took my dd when she was 2 to Disney Paris and she had an amazing time! She can’t remember it now but she loved it! She was 2 and 7 months.

Fair enough, clearly it works for some families.

I just cannot imagine taking a 5yo little girl to Disney and telling her 7yo sister that she's had "her turn" and has to stay at home.

This sounds like a good example of how separate things can work though - when there are different interests involved. Disney is a bit different when it’s likely they will both love it.

That’s not necessarily true though. I also played tennis but didn’t go to Roland Garros as I decided to spend my special weekend snowboarding, we would have all enjoyed the Grand Prix but didn’t all go as we understood we each got to pick what we wanted to do. It wasn’t about whether we would enjoy it, it was about our parents not just treating us a group bound together but also as 4 individuals.

That's not comparable, though. Both your children would appreciate Disney but you only want to take one.

All of us would have enjoyed F1, 2 of us would have enjoyed tennis. It wasn’t about whether we enjoyed the activity or not, it was about us getting individual time with our parents where their energy wasn’t divided.

But you got a choice! X instead of Y.

Your DD wouldn't be getting a choice.

Just take them both together when your oldest is 7 and youngest is 5. I could never just take one of my children to such an experience, no matter what age. And then to take the youngest & not the eldest - I'd never consider it. She'd be heartbroken, she'd feel totally left out & won't fully understand that she's already been once so it's fair, in the eyes of an adult.

Have a regularly monthly day out with your eldest, alone & let her choose where she wants to go.

Why dont you take DD1 now, on the basis that DD2 is to young, and then when DD2 is the same age you all go?

Op I'm sorry but you're talking utter nonsense. A teaching opportunity for what exactly ? I understand individual time with your kids but being desperate to leave one behind for a holiday isnt a teaching opportunity its just weird on your part. Take both of your children and save teaching opportunities for when you're teaching them how to share their Disney land toys or how to que for rides without causing a scene 🙄