Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

Teaching her what?

I went with my sister and her 2 year old twins to Disney, they got so much out of it, the wonder on their faces is memorable now 18 years later x

A 2 year old isn't a baby that needs feeding? My children have been to Disney Paris many times, you make it work for them, there is 3 years between my 2 and my son loved having my daughter there, to have left one behind us strange and unkind. Now they are older 11/14 we do trips separately if they want, dd bad I had an amazing time in Paris for the Olympics, DS get anxious in crowds and is less city so didn't come.

This is what happens when you have more than one child. You have to split your time. Would you pay for your parents’ flights, park tickets and hotel room in return for them providing childcare?

Just wait another year or two OP and then both will enjoy it together, and it will be a lovely family memory..

This is so weird. I cant imagine craving a holiday with just one child..and sooo wierd leaving a 7 year old out of a future family holiday.

You’re a family unit. With kindness, it doesn’t matter what you crave/want to do. The kids should be together for family experiences.

Nuts. Just take both with you and don’t store up trouble for yourselves.

Not quite the same, but when DD turned 7 we took her to London and to see her 1st west end show - while DS, who was 3, stayed at home. We have however gone to London since as a family of 4.

I don't think wanting to take DD1 is unreasonable, especially as DD2 won't understand. I do think your plan comes undone a little when thinking about only taking DD2 at a later date. Your 1-1 time will even out over time, and I understand what you are logically saying about waiting for phones, driving, etc, but do you really want to forgo the experience of taking them both while they still of an age to believe?

I always liked spending time with my sisters and we're really close now we're adults. My kids are the same, and at 5 and 7 a lot of the fun of trips like this was being together - they liked sharing a hotel room and making up games with each other. I think at that age, they would have been disappointed to be away without the other.

I don't think kids that age have much of a concept of 'quality 1 on 1 time' and I don't believe precious moments are ones you can plan and orchestrate - true moments of closeness and special time are the ones that happen spontaneously, often on the most mundane occasions. There can be a lot of pressure on kids when we build things up as 'this is your special time with mummy and daddy' and try to make it a big deal - lots of children can't quite deal with the weight of the expectation, and a lot of the time just want to be running around with their brother or sister. Children have a great capacity to be in the moment and we can inadvertently ruin that for them if we go on about making memories and having special time together. It's better for everyone when you just let it happen!

Now mine are teens, we have had fun doing separate things like going to the theatre/a museum/a concert that relates to their individual interests or studies - but when it comes to holidays we'd all rather be away together.

It’s all a bit batshit. You’re a family.

There are two years between my girls and they’re now 11 and 9. They’re so close. We do everything together. Very occasionally I might take 11 out by myself when 9 is at a party, for example, or vice versa, and 1 on 1 time is lovely, but this concept of “taking one away for special things” is so alien to me and my idea of family.

And leaving a 7 year old at home, especially when it’s Disney, is just 🤯🤯

Like that’s just therapy fodder.

I’m wondering what your experience was as a sibling or if you had a sibling ….

OP - I’m not sure why you are getting quite so much hassle about this. I think if finances allow for this and by the sounds of it lots of trips this is a much smaller issue. Disney stops being a once in a life time trip and just a few days away.

We’ve taken our 3 to Disney 3 times - once the older 2 at 6,4 once the youngest at 5 and then once all of them. The older two were completely fine about it so it maybe it’s not an issue at all. We’ve also done similar trips as they’ve got older to different European cities etc. depending on ages and interests.

I do think you may well want to take them both though when they are 7 and 5 and that is also ok.

I agree.
@Hilowmaybeno, you clearly had an extremely privileged upbringing but as is clear here, quite an unusual one to most of us that have commented.
We’ve never done separate birthday treats with our children because well, because we’re a family! But the birthday child has always been made to feel special.
This is largely about YOU missing 1:1 time with your eldest now she’s at school.
It doesn’t have to be leaving the youngest with grandparents for an amazing trip to Disney, the little one could have a couple of hours with them and you and DH take your eldest out for a hot chocolate or something.
I think your (to me) rather unusual upbringing is clouding your opinion here.

This idea is completely batshit crazy as someone else said.

a good teaching opportunity? It is cruel. Planned cruelty.

Are you and your husband going on both trips?

I do t think it’s like that at all. It’s a holiday with her mother, father and sister that she isn’t allowed on because she’s a
ready been.

I’ve done things with just one child but I didn’t go to Disneyland with one and tell the other one she’s had her go. You are going twice for a start.

The more I think about it the worse it is.

Really think about this point, op. You are planning to very intentionally inflict damage. What the children will remember is how they felt, not what they did. A memory of Disney will be overshadowed by a feeling of abandonment.

these are your daughter‘s birthdays and your plan for them in based on your selfishness. You chose to have a second child. You chose to split yourself as a parent in a very normal way. This plan is not at all normal.

I took my son on his own when he was end of year 6. My daughter was 6 at the time. I then took her the following year on her own. It was such a special time in each case as they both got the trip they wanted and they understood each had their turn. It worked brilliantly for us and there was no upset! You do what works for you!

Where would the other child be when you're at disney with one of them? I think it will be difficult to do without one of them being upset, unless they're going on a separate trip with grandparents or something special for them. It's not only the actual trip itself, it's the excitement leading up to it & getting ready to go. The 7 year old will have to watch all that happening. But ultimately you know your own kids & if they could handle it.

OP your younger daughter will be nearly 3 by the time this trip happens, and your older child just turned 5. They’re close in age, and I think you need to consider that DD1 might not actually want to go without her sister. DD2 might be an annoying little toddler now, but in 9 months time she’ll be very different.

I’ve got 2 sons, and they always had so much more fun when they were together.

OP I know you grew up doing separate things from your siblings, but you were one of 4 children, so parental time would have been far more scarce (and therefore valuable) than it is for your 2 children.

I think the best option would be to take both daughters, and some other family, so that you have options to stay together or do things apart, depending on the moment.

Over egged the pudding there OP

It’s lovely to bring the 4 year old on her own, the 2 year old won’t understand. But please don’t be so weirdly transactional to make the future 7 year old stay at home. It’s divisive and missing the spirit of family

@HeMann I’m going to let you into a secret. As time passes, 2 year olds turn into 3 year olds. And 3 year olds do understand that Mummy and Daddy are taking big sister away to a really fun place and she’s not allowed to come.

What a potentially distressing "teaching moment". YABTotallyU