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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

351 replies

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 17:59

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

OP posts:
cannyvalley · 30/10/2025 21:17

Thatstheheatingon · 30/10/2025 18:22

So, take her and leave the smaller one at home if you think she won't care. Then all 4 of you go the next time.

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This is what I would do if I wanted to take older child this year x

cannyvalley · 30/10/2025 21:21

Also to add… when they are older this may be easier to do. One of us took daughter to Paris this year, 6 months later the other took son to a different part of France. They wanted to do different things to match their interests. I absolutely adored my one to one time, and the kids both enjoyed their special holidays too. And they were old enough not to feel jealous or that it was unfair that they weren’t going away when the other one was.

Endofyear · 30/10/2025 21:24

I would wait until your youngest is 5 and take them both together. You can do a special day out for DD1 with just you and DH instead for her 5th birthday. I took two of my sons when they were 4 and 6 and while we had a great time and they have scrap books with lots of photos, they don't actually remember much about it now!

Springbaby2023 · 30/10/2025 21:56

OP I feel bad that my eldest doesn’t get much 1:1 time since starting school. So this half term we had a day where the little one was in nursery and I took the eldest for lunch and after we baked cookies and chilled out watching tv together. You don’t have to take someone to Disneyland to have special one on one time with them.

Your first idea was bonkers. Your second idea of taking grandparents both times so you can have special alone time with each daughter but only on their 5th birthday is almost as bonkers. Just go to Disney when it’s right for you all as a family, take the grandparents if they’d like to go and if it would add you your collective experience, not as free babysitting for whichever child isn’t the current favoured one.

vivainsomnia · 30/10/2025 21:56

Gosh why can’t I want 1-1 time with DD1 for her birthday then DD2 for hers?
But it's not about what YOU want but what your daughters would enjoy.

My eldest would have not enjoyed going to Disney without their sibling (3 years younger). They would have missed them greatly and feel guilty.

I personally think you are putting too much value on 1:1 because of your own experience growing up.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/10/2025 22:06

I think you can still do some magic 1-1 time with dd1 without excluding dd2 from Disney. Eg you could do a local uk theme park or day out with her. Even a night in a hotel next to the zoo or something. But a Disney holiday feels too mean!

oobedobe · 30/10/2025 22:17

You are subscribing adult views to a child. Two years is a lifetime for a kid and she might not remember it that well. But she WILL remember you going without her when she was 7.

If you want to spoil her just take her next year, but plan to take both when DD2 is 5, this makes way more sense, than saying no you can't come we took you when you were 5 - kids do not have this logic.

I will add that we went when my DDs were nearly 3 and 6 and the younger one loved it way more than I thought, she is a very chill child and we used a pushchair to save her legs. So if the younger one will be that age I would just take them both and forget about separate trips.

mismomary · 30/10/2025 22:42

When your children are 7 and 5 they will have a lot more fun at Disney if they go together. It will be insane to leave a 7 year old at home when you'd have much more fun altogether. The sisters will want to do rides together. You'd be denying them this, not teaching anyone a lesson.

Please don't keep kidding yourself that you're right here.

graceinc22 · 30/10/2025 22:51

I think this would be absolutely fine and don't understand why it's provoking such strong negative opinions. Children can learn that not everything is about them. Both your girls would be getting the same trip at the same age, and 1:1 time is lovely! My parents took me and my two brothers on (separate) trips to New York when we turned 11 and I remember it so positively.

Disneyland2022 · 30/10/2025 22:53

i think what an amazing opportunity to have that time with your first born - how precious.

I have the same age gap as you & we’ve taken them to Disneyland already - I missed so much, feeding a baby, watching the baby while DD & DH queued.

I think you should go on this trip & leave your toddler behind & in a few years take the grandparents with you, all of you go.

or in 2 years maybe the grandparents will take the 7 year old away while the younger one has their Disney fill.

Girlmama · 30/10/2025 23:02

This issue is all about you. How YOU don't get the time with DD1. How YOU crave time with her.
I have a near six year age gap with my girls. I've felt the stress of doing something one would love and the other was either too old for or too young for, still, I didn't do anything like this!
My youngest is six, very almost seven, now and I wouldn't dream.of leaving her at home to take my other to Disney. It would destroy her and actually would destroy me too. This is regardless of if she'd had the trip in the past.
Plan this trip at your peril. Your older daughter will be devastated

Girlmama · 30/10/2025 23:05

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 18:22

The expense isn’t what we are considering, it’s quality time and a special treat for both girls for their 5th birthdays where they don’t have to share us with their sister.

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They'll always have to 'share you'. That's being a sibling! Didn't you think of this when having two children? Having an afternoon at the cinema or swimming baths with one while the other is with the other parent is totally different to a Disney trip!!!

CurlewKate · 30/10/2025 23:06

It’s a terrible idea, sorry. You need to be working to build the sibling relationship- that’s so important.And difficult enough without adding complications! And how are you going to manage leaving your 8 year at home when you take your 5 year old for her solo trip?

SALaw · 30/10/2025 23:51

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 18:47

I’m not sure we are focussed so much on the rides right now, we might always go back when both are older for the rides . For DD it’s the princesses, the castle, the magic etc. that she is likely to enjoy now. I don’t really care if she remembers it or not, it’s not all about making memories sometimes it’s just doing something really special that they will enjoy in their current life stage.

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That will not fill your days to be honest. You’ll need the rides.

onwards2025 · 31/10/2025 00:03

Bonkers plan, my DC would be really unsettled going on a trip like that and leaving one child behind, so much so they wouldn't fully enjoy it and neither would we. A day out yes I can get more on board with that but this would be longer. Also you are taking away the magic of the 2 of them doing it together.

You also clearly do not have a realistic grasp of what 7 year old girls are like, it would be an extremely mean thing to do to leave her behind next time and something she would not forget, it's absolutely not the same as leaving a younger one now that is more likely not to fully remember.

You have two DC, they are siblings to consider splitting them in this way is extremely odd

onwards2025 · 31/10/2025 00:07

Your comparison to cars and phones as presents is even more odd and is just showing you don't understand why people feel you are be so unreasonable and unfair to your sibling children - it's not the same, the same would be not inviting the sibling to the birthday celebration where the birthday sibling gets their phone or car as a gift. The hurt and weirdness of the whole thing is thinking it's ok not to include them for the joy of being there together

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/10/2025 00:40

I wouldn’t do this. As others have said, my first thought in reading it was that you’ll have an incredibly upset 7 yo in a couple of years.

7 is a better age for Disney than 5 for one thing.

Either bring the younger one along and you and husband split forces- one of you concentrates on taking dd1 around on all the rides, and the other concentrates on dd2. Or take it in terms. Dd1 doesn’t need the undivided attention of both parents for a whole trip.

Or wait a couple of years and take both when they can both enjoy it.

The fact is that the “return” trip for dd2 alone will never happen and tbh shouldn’t happen (unless it’s when dd1 is too old to enjoy it any more- eg when they’re teens or something - but of course some people will enjoy it at any age!)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/10/2025 00:46

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 18:41

I’m not saying we permanently try to equalise it. What I’m saying is I miss having quality time with DD1, I don’t have that with DD2 as we get lots of quality time with her, zoo trips, museums, playing in the park etc. on a Wednesday afternoon. When DD1 was the same age we didn’t get loads of quality one on one time with her as we had a newborn and I was breastfeeding.

I understand the original plan is a bad idea so we don’t that.

What are everyone’s thoughts on taking DD1 this year when DD2 is too young to appreciate it and in a few years taking both girls with my parents so we can do both family things and things with just DD2 but DD1 won’t be missing out on the trip?

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I wouldn’t do that either.

By all means give them separate days out if you want, but not something like Disney.

You can’t say to dd1 “you had this when you were 5”, when she’s 7 and if anything will enjoy it more.

tellmesomethingtrue · 31/10/2025 00:53

No way!!! Very bad idea.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 31/10/2025 01:06

Hilowmaybeno · 30/10/2025 18:35

No no it’s not favouritism at all. We get every Wednesday afternoon alone with DD2, and have always had lots of alone time with DD2 as DD1 started pre-school the year she was born. What we don’t get is any alone time with DD1. That’s not favouritism that’s wanting to equalise the quality time with each child.

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You had 2 years of time alone with your first. child before the second was born so it evens out. You are being odd about this and you sound a bit Disney parent yourself. In all families with more than one child, attention has to be shared. It's just the way it is and always has been. I can'timagine what you'd feel the need to do if you had more than two. Stop treating your children like projects and just get on with being a family.

cocog · 31/10/2025 01:53

In a few years when your second child’s 5 your going to leave an 8 year old at home knowing that her family is going to Disneyland without her? just go twice with all off you it seems really cruel to leave either out there’s loads there for kids any age!

Bumblebee72 · 31/10/2025 03:21

A 2 year old won't get anything out of Disney. Been there, done that. Took our oldest at three to Disney Tokyo and had to explain who Micky Mouse was. Our youngest lasting memory of Disney Paris was they lost their soft toy and we found it near a popcorn stall.

I think the issue is that 5 is still really young for Disney so when your oldest is 8, and would enjoy the trip more than a 5 year old anyway, you would be leaving them at home, which seems really harsh.

Eenameenadeeka · 31/10/2025 04:30

We do small things for 1:1 time, like a hot chocolate at a cafe or a trip to see a show. I can't imagine doing something like that and leaving a child at home. I think we just have different ways of looking at family, I never saw it as a problem to "share" my parents with my sisters, we all enjoyed things as a family together.
When you think about it, your eldest child actually got the most time alone as the only child, they aren't missing out by also having a sibling

IAmKerplunk · 31/10/2025 04:44

It’s not the dc that the op and dh are thinking about though- it’s about them and their needs not their dc needs.

Firsttimemum292 · 31/10/2025 05:06

No5ChalksRoad · 30/10/2025 20:14

"Because you were too little the first time we went."
"Because your older sister isn't a baby like you were back then."
"We left you with grandma and grandpa because you loved staying with them, and Disney would have been too hot and tiring for a tiny child."

Honestly, do kids really interrogate their parents about decisions the parents made years in the past? And become traumatized if they don't like the responses?

It's like all these threads where kids are "devastated" to not be invited to weddings. It would not have occurred to us to question invitations or arrangements or decisions made by adults; in fact we barely would have been aware.

"We did the best we could, darling. Sometimes older kids have accumulated more experiences. As you will, as you grow older. It didn't make sense to take a baby on that particular holiday."

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Incase anyone hadn’t noticed it isn’t just about when the child is a child it’s about in 10-20 years time when said children are an adult.

have a baby sitter for dd2 and spend a full day or even a weekend at home with dd1 and do fun things why does it have to extend to leaving dd2 at home to go to Paris. It’s selfish and I’m sure DD1 wouldn’t care if dd2 was there. I think it’s a stupid idea