Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

If what you’re really after is time with DD1 then take her and leave DD2 at home. Shes a bit little to enjoy it anyway but when it comes to DD2 being 5 I’d just take both girls then.

You will have a very upset 7 year old otherwise. You can do something else closer to home just with your younger daughter for her 5th birthday so she gets some 121 time with you as well.

Just don’t say oh we took your sister to Disney land on her own but you have to share a trip with your sister. If it did come up just say she was to little to go the first time.

You are nuts. If you only want 1:1 time with 1 child on holiday then maybe you shouldn't have had 2 kids.

I think you’ll find you have enough ‘teaching opportunities’ not of your own making. This sounds nuts to me.

How many after school clubs and hobbies can a 5yr old attend? If you have 3 afternoons a week with dc2 can you or your dh switch things up (child care/work/after school clubs) so that you also have weekly/fortnightly/monthly time with your dc1? In my experience kids remember the small regular times together rather than the big things. My dc1 still remembers on a Friday I took him for a milkshake after school and chat about his week (he was reception/yr 1 age) but any big holidays at that age? Not so much

Yeah at aged 7 she might not remember going aged 5. I don't think you can take a 5 year old and not your 7 year old.

This is the kind of thing your future 7 year old will add to their “worst things my parents did to me” memory bank, sorry to be so blunt. I have 7 and 3 and a half year old daughters and I’m planning on taking them both when they are 6 and 9. My 7 year old would be absolutely beside herself and totally gutted, there’s no way she’d be able to understand objectively. By all means don’t take the 2 year old now.

Also, as a younger sibling I remember my parents doing lots of things with my older sister always with the promise that my time would come. But my time didn’t come because circumstances had changed/wouldn’t be fair on my older sister - it’s a long running ‘joke’ in our family.

This reminded me of my sister going on a school trip to Egypt telling me I would do the same when I was her age - didn’t happen because recession and times got tough.

This thread just further reinforces my belief that posh people are strange.

Bonkers. You all go together when the younger one is a little bit older and save all the hassle. Simple.

Disney is a slog with a 2 year old (and honestly, also with some older people unless they are very patient and fit!)
The “problem” you are trying to solve is that you want quality time with DD1 and also to go to DLP - so do that with DD1. You don’t have to commit now to taking everyone again in 2 years, you may hate it or you may get the bug and decide to take everyone to Florida next year!
Just do this for DD1s 5th birthday and see what DD2s birthdays bring in the future. Sounds like there is plenty of money and opportunity to take everyone on lovely holidays and over the course of their childhoods your daughters will have loads of fun experiences together and apart. No one will be weighing everything in the balance on DD2s 18th birthday to check they both had exactly the same airmiles.
V different if this is once in a lifetime but doesn’t sound like it will be, and as you say it’s not hard to get to DLP - you can jaunt off for four days with the girls any time really if you want to.

We very nearly did this - we booked to take DD1 at age of 4 the May before she started school so we could have some 1 to 1 time with her (DD2 was 1 at the time and we planned for her to stay with my parents) and avoid school holiday prices. We would then have taken DD2 in termtime before she started school and DD1 stayed with my parents as would have been in school. We didn't end up doing this as DD1's trip would have been 2020 and covid closed everything down.

I am glad you have changed your mind to take both children on both trips. Though I agree with the sentiment of some of the other posters who have said why does it have to be Disneyland?
You keep saying you want the 1:1 time with DD1 which you don't often get, so why can this not be the simple things at home doing something together. This would make it easier to ask a grandparent to look after DD2 for the day. It seems like you are only content that this time is precious if you are throwing a lot of money at it and it's going away. Would your DD1 not enjoy just a day doing things at home or locally with just the two parents? One of your later posts says that Sunday's are family days for all 4 of you but Saturdays are split up and one parent takes both kids to give the other a break. This could be where you instead dedicate a Saturday to the birthday girl (and you and DH sacrifice your time off) and do what she wants that day. Kids often enjoy the small simple things in life and planning extravagant trips is more what adults want.

In your faulty scenario, the end result is they both still have phones. The proper analogy would be getting DC1 a phone and then two years later, handing that phone over to DC2. Not nice at all.

I think it's a bit much to leave one child overnight to have quality time with the other, tbh. While 1-1 time with each child is good, personally I'd draw the line at unnecessarily leaving one child for an overnight stay.

Haven't RTWT, but I'd be booking DC2 into nursery for a few extra days during DC1's holidays and doing a few fun day trips with her.

I don’t think a 2 year old is old enough to appreciate Disney land, they’ll probably find it fun but also overwhelming, a lot of the activities might not be relevant for them, and they won’t remember it.

So I’m not against going on a one sibling trip without the toddler on this occasion. Your energy would be fixated on the toddler vs the 5 year old due to their caring needs.

However, I don’t understand the point of excluding the 7 year old in the future. At that point, both your kids can enjoy the experience and arguably more so for a 7 year old. They’re not going to see a trip 2 years ago as fair, that’s ages to a 7 year old.

I don't think it's a good plan but I see what you mean about alone time with your older daughter. So what I do is when my youngest is in nursery, I take a day of annual leave during the half term to have an alone day with my older child and that seems to work well

Just take them both, the two year old is free anyway and there’s plenty to do for all and you get parent swap, you never know what the future brings and you may not be in a position to go when the youngest is older.

our 2 (was 3 months off being 3 mind) loved it last year.

You’re doing the right thing op - shared siblings memories are hugely important - I’m noticing this a lot now that my dc are almost grown up. I remember engineering nursery sessions in order to have 1:1 time with each of my dc, so I do get it. But ultimately I think that being together when they are young creates a secure attachment and lower risk of resentment between siblings, which ultimately means you can get that precious 1:1 time when they are older.

I took my 18 month old to Disney and she was in awe of the characters, the parades, loved the rides. It was July, hot and busy. The warm weather evenings made it easier for my toddler to stay up although she fell asleep waiting for the light show. Seeing her little face light up was everything. As you're looking to go for a few days, you'll have plenty of time to do everything, plus take it easy with the toddler if you all go.

We look at pictures and talk about it still to this day (she's nearly 3). She has a new sibling and we've booked all of us to go again just before she starts school. He'll be nearly 2.

I can't imagine doing such a special trip without him. If money's no issue (and your 2 year old will be free anyway!), I would take them both twice. Separate days out are one thing, but separate holidays for full siblings under 16? I would be sad if my parents did this.

I think its fine to not Take DD2 as shes so young. But i would personally be taking both when DD2 is older. Its not a good 'teaching moment' as you put it for your 7 year old...shes 7 and all she will see is you taking her younger sister away and leaving her (again your 2 year old now won't know) looking back at pictures of past holiday wont mean much..shes 7!!!.

I’ve read all your replies op and I think what we are all experiencing here is a culture clash. I don’t know much about how the other half life but ‘average’ ‘middle class’ or ‘working class’ families go everywhere together all the time wether they like it or not. Come rain or shine or tent or caravan. It’s just unfavourable to use that one child/or sibling would get left behind.

I just don’t understand why it is preferable to take both children skiing at these ages but not DLP? In my head it would be the other way round!

OP, so are you going to never invite the sisters to each others birthday parties too? After all, that is what this disney trip is in effect, a birthday celebration trip and excluding one of your children!

You are being nasty and selfish imho.

It's Disney. I don't think you can take only one child.

YANBU for wanting to find some time to be one to one with DD, but find another way or time.

This isn't my family.dynamic at all and I think it explains a lot.

However, as a mum of 2, I think it can be easier to do one on one if you have more than 2 children, because the ones "left behind" won't feel as alone as a single sibling left behind.