Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

I think it’s a lovely idea. I also like to do things 1:1 with each of my girls or 2:1 when possible even though that’s more rare.

I’d take dd1 alone this year but not plan ahead for dd2 just yet. Things change a lot in these next few years so what pp are saying about a 7-year old being upset may well be the case. Equally, she may look forward to spending time at home with gps or hate everything Disney by then. Who knows? You don’t need to make the call right now.

It sounds like you’d really like some time with dd1. It’s your memories too, not just hers so go for it, have a great time then see what you think will suit dd2 when she’s 5.

By the time your eldest is 7, she'll be more sad not to be invited on the family holiday, not less, because she's already been to Disneyland (assuming she didn't find it all a tawdry waste of time). Making her stay behind then when she knows what she's missing, just to make it 'fair' by your bizarre sense of it, is just mean.

Have you been to Disneyland Paris? It is not magical - that is just the adverts. It is a loads of crowds queueing for theme park rides, being served by grumpy French teenagers, interspersed with poor quality food. The Toyko one is quite magical but that is more the cultural differences between Japan and Europe (In Tokyo for the parades, the first row sat, the second row kneeled with the back row standing so that everyone could see - whereas in Paris to get a good view you need to be good with your pointy elbows).

HNRTFT but I disagree . This all sounds about your needs rather than your child! Surely by the time your youngest is 5 ,the siblings will want to have fun together and share memories.

I don't really understand the dynamics here at all. Why can't you have 1:1 time with your daughter after school or at weekends? Is that when the Nanny looks after her?

Actually I think some other posters are right. This is very much something for you. You want the one to one time, you have decided it's Disney that the children should go to.

My kids love being with their sibling and actually going to somewhere like a theme park they would miss having a natural friend to be there. My kids have always played together, would go on rides together (that they were able to based on height). I am not sure why you think your children would prefer just being around adults all day for a prolonged time such as a holiday. They are likely to want to share the moment with their sibling (or for you to invite a friend).

Also having thought about it, a friend of mine does weekends away separately with her twins. This however is led by them and she didn't start it til they were about 11. They suggest where they want to go, with the idea being they pick somewhere their twin wouldn't want to go. If they chose something that they would both like then that is looked at as a family holiday.
It sounds like you want to dictate taking the children somewhere you want to go rather than waiting for them to develop their own interests and helping choose what they would like.

I think this is the crux.

You’ve got to think of how that 7 yo will feel.

And all she would learn from it is that her parents are frankly quite cruel.

I guess on the plus side you could put the money you save on not taking both into a therapy fund for the future.

They are going to need it. They only sent to Disney for their 5th birthday rather than a box at Roland Garros like Mummy did.

it’s so not

I've seen some bad ideas on here but this has to be one of the worst.

I get your idea of doing things with just 1 child. But I totally disagree with your entire idea around Disney land. Even the thoughts of booking something special and treating one while the other is left behind for the afternoon doesn't sit right with me. And I am usually very for children being treated as individuals and if one family member wanted to bring one off they shouldn't be forced to bring the other child (as we often see on threads on here).

If it was me, I would get grandparents to mind one child at home and do something with the other daughter, a low-key but still fun day or afternoon activity near home.

Agreed. I think the shark had been well and truly jumped by this point.

Not necessarily that kind of childhood with fairly absent parents and then having them swoop in and make a fuss of the birthdays isn’t outside possibility

While I think it's a wonderful idea to have one to one time, and that could include a couple nights away, I would completely separate this from Disney. Disney is too emotive for kids, too much of a 'big deal' especially at 7 when she may have limited memories of her own experience.

What about a weekend away at something like Centreparks? The seaside? Or a city break that's child centred?

Great intention but the execution (re Disney) is rife with challenges I think.

I think doing it now is fine 1-1 with 5 year old and leaving little one at home.
But there’s no rule need to do same for dc2.
In 2 years take both girls 5 and 7 great ages to go.
Treating children fairly doesn’t mean doing identical things.

Or a weekend in Biarritz!

This!

I should wait until after the budget next month. Regardless of whether young children should be treated to something they know nothing about unless their young minds are filled with Disney all the time, it is a lot of money to spend, even if you are well off, on young children.

A five year old would probably find the journey too much and not really appreciate it.

Why do people think Disneyland is the be all and by all in life? Sit down and consider what a couple of days will give you. It might be good for OP, but how long will a five year old remember - as long as his next burger at McDonalds?

I think you have a twisted view of family. It’s almost as if the siblings aren’t supposed to have a relationship and celebrate each others birthdays.

Leaving either child out of a Disney trip is a bloody horrible thing to do! A 2-yr old would get so much joy out of it!
Our DS has been at 18mths, 24mths, 4, 5, and then Florida at 6yrs. DD has been at 15mths, 2.5 and then Florida at 3yrs. Both going back to Disneyland Paris next year at 8 and 5.
They would be absolutely devastated to not have each other on these trips, and have done loads of other similar trips (Efteling, Europa, Port Aventura) No they don't remember every detail from their first trips but they definitely do remember some of it and more importantly loved every single second while there, yes even at age 1-2 they loved the rides, shows, characters etc.

You can still do stuff 1-1. Mine have different days out or theatre trips, and a 1 nt/2-day in the UK every summer centered around their interests. But I don't ever take 1 somewhere that the other kne would also love.

This is complete insanity to me 🤣 when you have another child you sign up for birthday trips etc as a family unit don’t you. Or is it me that has this twisted? My 2 boys come as a unit. Birthdays are a big celebration that we are all involved in, and the birthday child is still made to feel amazing. Holidays are about spending time together as a family, how can you exclude one child? You’re creating a divide as far as I can see which will store up future problems.

I really don’t understand why you want to do separate trips. I have 3 girls with similar age gaps to yours. I just can’t imagine taking one somewhere and leaving the others behind. This teaching opportunity thing makes no sense either. All DD1 will understand in the future is that she was left out of a family trip.

Not a good idea.
I mean it's fine now obviously.
So I would say, when you're going for the 2nd time
Take them both!
Siblings get more enjoyment sharing their fun with a peer.

I think leaving the 2 year old at home this year is reasonable. But so is taking her and extra adults.

Also think it's worth looking at May half term dates as it's probably cooler then - really hot days will be challenging for a 5 year old.

It's too early to plan properly for 2028(?) - your younger daughter might hate Disney and prefer somewhere else. Even if Disney does work out as a good trip in 2028 the girls will probably have their own ideas about how to split the party into groups. They might both want to go with their grandparents for a bit of the time. If you've got plenty of adults this should work itself out.

Maybe differential bedtimes as the girls get older would give you some 1:1 time with each child. It's not the same as whole days but it can be almost daily.