New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

[Harrowe]

New bf of three months made an odd comment. I guess we’re all entitled to our preferences. But he said he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday. He said it’s because it’s time consuming, excessive and vain.

I go to the gym three days a week but have definitely been an everyday person before and definitely kick up my workouts when I am carrying more weight or before a big event ie my brother’s wedding.

Is this weirdly controlling? I can definitely see myself hitting the gym everyday again in the future. It’s weirded me out.

red flag?

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

It’s not controlling to say you wouldn’t date someone for going to the gym that much. I’d be tried to prevent you from doing so, then that would be controlling. Did he say it as sort of a veiled “threat?”

I don't think it's controlling as it's just his preference. If you are a daily gym bunny then you are obviously incompatible. It would drive me nuts too if my partner did something like that every day if it took up leisure time together too much.

How is it controlling? And what is there a red flag about it?

Women have preferences all the time is that controlling are there red flags in this?

Its not controlling to say you want a partner who makes time for you and not have a hobby meaning you are gone for a couple of hours every morning/evening/weekends.

Controlling would be saying you could never go out.

It could be controlling if he mentioned it in such a way as to imply he’d dump her if she started going more often, but otherwise it’s not controlling.

It's not controlling - it's just his boundary/preference. If you're incompatible then you're incompatible. I've never dated anyone massively into football because I wouldn't want to watch live or on TV because I find it boring (I have tried - an ex was a big fan and had a season ticket - I tried for six months, not for me). So for me, people for whom football is their main obsession are not for me. The same could be said for people who want to date me - if you don't like rugby, or at least don't mind me being a rugby fan, then we're not going to go the distance...

Training every day does have the real potential to be obsessive and impact day to day life. Rest and recovery is important.

That said, I think there's a difference between stepping things up temporarily to achieve a certain short term goal, and hitting the gym every day regardless of what other things may be impacted.

I’m not a gym goer but I have horses which is a very time consuming, daily hobby that I can’t decide to skip for a few days whenever I like.

I can definitely understand why someone may not want to date me because of it. Thankfully I have a very long suffering and understanding partner who has her own hobbies and loves alone time so it’s fine but it has been an issue with people in the past.

Has he told you to stop going to the gym? That would be controlling.

What he's doing is expressing a completely normal preference. I wouldn't want to date a gym rat either. Lots of people don't.

Unless he’s telling you how often you’re allowed to go to the gym it’s not controlling, because he isn’t attempting to control you. And it’s not a ‘red flag’ either, not everything is abusive. It’s a preference, he’s allowed them, if that doesn’t work for you then that’s totally fine, break it off.

I wouldn’t class it as controlling. If you can see jt as something that’s going to bother you then he’s not the man for you.
How long does a gym session take you. I’d struggle with someone who was out the house for hours everyday in the gym.

I wouldn't, either. It's a preference. People are allowed them. Unless he's telling you that you can't go, it's not controlling. And if he gets controlling, you leave.

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

From that perspective, if he's reasonably sporty, it's a bit of a weird comment.

I wouldn't seriously date someone who doesn't do some kind of sport at least 4 days a week, and doesn't do any "extra" out of work - hobby, studying, whatever they like.

I understand some are not bothered.

I would just ask him if going for a run 5 days a week would be fine (even if it's not ideal in term of training) and it there's any reason why "the gym" is the issue

How is it controlling?. I'll be honest I wouldn't want to date someone who goes to the gym everyday because I'd assume they are a fitness bore who's whole personality would be gym & fitness. I would imagine they wouldn't be keen on getting a takeaway or having a few beers.and would judge those who did.

I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t either! Each to their own?

I wouldn’t date a man who went to the gym every day- I would find it excessive. But that’s a personal option, someone else may love it.

I think it's a perfectly reasonable preference.

I wouldn't like to be with someone who went to the gym every day because it smacks of obsession with their fitness and body. I would find that unattractive.

In fact I would be wary of anybody who was obsessive about a hobby.

It sounds as though you and he may not be compatible.

It could be a compatibility issue.
Complaining that it's vain is a bit of a concern; there are many healthy reasons to want to workout frequently.

Really it depends on how much it intrudes upon life. If it's 30-45 mins dropping in as part of a commute, that's far less intrustive than coming home and driving off for a lengthy session.

It doesn’t sound controlling more as others have pointed out a compatability issue.
Fine for him to have a preference.
it’s probably not going to end well in the long run.
I do some sort of exercise activity pretty much every day. Because I have dh and 3 (mostly grown up) dc now it’s easier to fit in.
I also try and do the ones I can early in the morning so it doesn’t impact others, 7am both days so it doesn’t cut into time we could be doing fun weekend stuff.

Not controlling. I find it vain also so I'd be the same.
I do understand people going through phases of it to lose weight but in general excessive focus on appearance and self is a big turn-off.

It's not controlling and I agree with him. Gym every day people are boring af.

I wouldn't date someone who goes to the gym every day.

I wouldn't date someone that wants to be off on several holidays a year.

I wouldn't date someone who likes to go to the pub in the evening.

We are all allowed to date people who fit out own lifestyles and try and find someone who matches. He's not entitled to try and control what you do however, and you should leave him if he does. But he is allowed preferences.

I wouldn’t at it’s a red flag, just a sign that you’re not compatible. Better to find out after three months than three years.

I wouldn't date someone that wants to be off on several holidays a year.

that's absolutely your choice, I just can't work out why that would be an issue, unless he specifically wanted me out of all his holidays 😂

He sees staying fit as vain and I wouldn't have time for someone with that mindset.

I row and do Pilates at home but I go swim and sauna and do some classes. Physical fitness is an important part of a healthy lifestyle and his views wouldn't be compatible with mine.

Or is he insecure and afraid a woman might meet gym bros?