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Original poster

New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

136 replies

Harrowe · 29/10/2025 19:41

New bf of three months made an odd comment. I guess we’re all entitled to our preferences. But he said he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday. He said it’s because it’s time consuming, excessive and vain.

I go to the gym three days a week but have definitely been an everyday person before and definitely kick up my workouts when I am carrying more weight or before a big event ie my brother’s wedding.

Is this weirdly controlling? I can definitely see myself hitting the gym everyday again in the future. It’s weirded me out.

red flag?

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

OP posts:
Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 29/10/2025 22:18

Ideally you'd have responded at the time, but you should tell him that you do intend to have bursts of daily gym visits in future.

His reaction will tell you if he was just talking out of his arse or this is going to become an issue. Best to find out early, one way or another.

BaconCheeses · 29/10/2025 22:19

Red flag.

My ex was like this. It started with "I don't like girls who do X"

That became "Girls who do [insert stuff my friends do] are [insult]"

And then "You're better than your friends, I don't know why you hang out with them. I know you would never [cheat/put up slutty photos] but youre lowering yourself being with them"

It got so endless that I stopped seeing those friends. Mutual friends, who he made special effort to keep in touch with after driving a wedge between us about how controlling i was (because I wad the reason we never saw them,.according to him).

It's a red flag and you know it.

Glitterbaby17 · 29/10/2025 22:23

I think it’s ok to recognise what does or doesn’t make you compatible, particularly if you are busy and time poor. The suggestion training daily is due to vanity would piss me off though - it’s good for mental health, and many people have fitness goals - just like he has his running goals.

I train 5/6 days a week - mix of at the gym, running and at home. I’m a nicer person for it, healthier and it makes me happy. I am also single and have recognised it would probably suit me best if a new partner also enjoyed working out / competitions as we could train together - so shared quality time. Not essential but they’d certainly need a hobby or it would be imbalanced.

FrangipaniBlue · 29/10/2025 22:34

It’s very odd that so many people (OPs new BF included) associate going to the gym every day with obsession and vanity.

For most people it’s about health and fitness - my gym has all types of from teenagers to people in their 80s; the Greek gods/goddess types are actually in the minority.

Gyms are also about more than just “lifting weights”, there are cardio machines and all manner of classes.

The NHS recommends 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week PLUS strength training twice. So that could be weights sessions on 2 days plus 30 minutes classes the other 5….

Would posters say people doing a 30-45 minute brisk walk every day are “obsessive”?

Personally I wouldn’t date anyone who had such a narrow minded view.

99bottlesofkombucha · 29/10/2025 22:41

It’s really rigid being unable to skip a day and restricts a relationship, if he’s met someone before who won’t go away for a weekend if they miss leg day then I get it. Plus you can’t have kids with someone who isn’t prepared to cut down on their gym time. My youngest is 3 and I try for 3 lots of exercise a week, it’s quite a lot of pressure to get that in with our busy schedule. I’d be divorced if dh had to go every day to the gym. And he’d have discovered he couldn’t go on his contact days as a single dad.

HedwigEliza · 29/10/2025 22:43

God forbid someone has opinions and preferences in their romantic partners…

AsAliveAsYouNeedMeToBe · 29/10/2025 22:44

I've seen countless of times on here. We went on a date, he was a nice guy and I liked him, we sat down to eat, I looked down - white socks/black shoes - ewww, instant ick and that was the end. And lots of similar. Women discounting men for lots of ridiculous reasons. As is their right and choice.

But now butthurt gym-bunnies coming out in force, defending their habit, and calling everyone with an opposite opinion 'narrow-minded', 'how sad', etc. You can go to gym 5x a day if you want, but you're not owed dates by everyone.

It's not sad, neither it's narrow-minded. He's allowed his preferences. If it's a problem for you - split.

I also wouldn't date a gym goer, an outdoorsy person (hiking, camping, biking, urgh), a vegan or vegetarian, a teetotaler, a man who doesn't travel a few times per year at least, AI-type traveler and lots of other things. So what. I found a compatible person.

MasterBeth · 29/10/2025 22:47

TheZanyZebra · 29/10/2025 19:56

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

From that perspective, if he's reasonably sporty, it's a bit of a weird comment.

I wouldn't seriously date someone who doesn't do some kind of sport at least 4 days a week, and doesn't do any "extra" out of work - hobby, studying, whatever they like.

I understand some are not bothered.

I would just ask him if going for a run 5 days a week would be fine (even if it's not ideal in term of training) and it there's any reason why "the gym" is the issue

This is hilarious!

"This guy is hot, rich, clever, kind, generous, but he only works out three times a week! I'm out!"

TheZanyZebra · 29/10/2025 22:48

AsAliveAsYouNeedMeToBe · 29/10/2025 22:44

I've seen countless of times on here. We went on a date, he was a nice guy and I liked him, we sat down to eat, I looked down - white socks/black shoes - ewww, instant ick and that was the end. And lots of similar. Women discounting men for lots of ridiculous reasons. As is their right and choice.

But now butthurt gym-bunnies coming out in force, defending their habit, and calling everyone with an opposite opinion 'narrow-minded', 'how sad', etc. You can go to gym 5x a day if you want, but you're not owed dates by everyone.

It's not sad, neither it's narrow-minded. He's allowed his preferences. If it's a problem for you - split.

I also wouldn't date a gym goer, an outdoorsy person (hiking, camping, biking, urgh), a vegan or vegetarian, a teetotaler, a man who doesn't travel a few times per year at least, AI-type traveler and lots of other things. So what. I found a compatible person.

did someone touched a nerve with you? 😂

TheZanyZebra · 29/10/2025 22:51

MasterBeth · 29/10/2025 22:47

This is hilarious!

"This guy is hot, rich, clever, kind, generous, but he only works out three times a week! I'm out!"

Show quote history

Yeah right,

If the guy is that hot, rich and clever, it's very very unlikely he's staying home watching tv every evening and has no interest and hobbies, and does a bit of exercise a couple of times a week 😂

namechangetheworld · 29/10/2025 22:54

BaconCheeses · 29/10/2025 22:19

Red flag.

My ex was like this. It started with "I don't like girls who do X"

That became "Girls who do [insert stuff my friends do] are [insult]"

And then "You're better than your friends, I don't know why you hang out with them. I know you would never [cheat/put up slutty photos] but youre lowering yourself being with them"

It got so endless that I stopped seeing those friends. Mutual friends, who he made special effort to keep in touch with after driving a wedge between us about how controlling i was (because I wad the reason we never saw them,.according to him).

It's a red flag and you know it.

Oh pull the other one. Is it just men who can't express their opinion any more, or does this apply to women too?

I couldn't be with someone who goes to the gym everyday. It absolutely reeks of vanity.

hattie43 · 29/10/2025 22:58

I’d find a daily gym goer a bore . Too much emphasis on looks rather than fun .

Cherrytree86 · 29/10/2025 22:58

You won’t get much sympathy on here, Op. a lot of mumsnetters want their partners home with them all the time and hobbies including the gym are seen as immature, selfish and self indulgent - for single people only.

DirtyBird · 29/10/2025 23:05

I don’t think it’s controlling. I used to work out every day and still had time to spend with my partner. It only took up about an hour to hour and a half of my day. He didn’t do any exercise at all and over time it was one of the reasons we broke up because I can’t date anyone that does no exercise/physical hobbies at all.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 29/10/2025 23:05

Cherrytree86 · 29/10/2025 22:58

You won’t get much sympathy on here, Op. a lot of mumsnetters want their partners home with them all the time and hobbies including the gym are seen as immature, selfish and self indulgent - for single people only.

It's also completely irrelevant whether people are/like gym goers or not.

Posters who feel passionate about the gym (either way) could try replacing it with a less emotive hobby and try to focus on what the OP is actually asking instead of bleating on about themselves:

-OP does hobbyxyz 3 x weekly, sometimes more
-Boyfriend says they wouldn't date someone who does hobbyxyz every day
-OP isn't sure if he is giving her an oblique warning that he doesn't like her doing hobbyxyz and will cause issues if she does it more often.

A sensible question. Best answered by challenging him directly on it IMO.

Tink3rbell30 · 29/10/2025 23:06

I wouldn't either.

FrangipaniBlue · 29/10/2025 23:06

AsAliveAsYouNeedMeToBe · 29/10/2025 22:44

I've seen countless of times on here. We went on a date, he was a nice guy and I liked him, we sat down to eat, I looked down - white socks/black shoes - ewww, instant ick and that was the end. And lots of similar. Women discounting men for lots of ridiculous reasons. As is their right and choice.

But now butthurt gym-bunnies coming out in force, defending their habit, and calling everyone with an opposite opinion 'narrow-minded', 'how sad', etc. You can go to gym 5x a day if you want, but you're not owed dates by everyone.

It's not sad, neither it's narrow-minded. He's allowed his preferences. If it's a problem for you - split.

I also wouldn't date a gym goer, an outdoorsy person (hiking, camping, biking, urgh), a vegan or vegetarian, a teetotaler, a man who doesn't travel a few times per year at least, AI-type traveler and lots of other things. So what. I found a compatible person.

Absolutely there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to date someone because you’re incompatible and yes, that could be because you don’t want to date someone who does a daily hobby.

What posters are saying IS narrow minded is making the assumption that someone who goes to the gym every day only does it for “vanity” reasons……

Waitingfordoggo · 29/10/2025 23:07

Yet more posters have arrived to tell us that only vain people go to the gym- you can tell none of them have ever been anywhere near a gym- if they did, they’d see plenty of people in their 60s, 70s and 80s- very few of whom are there out of vanity. I teach fitness classes, and I’d say the top three reasons people come to my classes are (in no particular order):

  1. Mental health benefits and socialising
  2. Physical fitness and health
  3. Weight loss.
TheZanyZebra · 29/10/2025 23:18

It's actually depressing that in a world where the majority has very sedentary lives, not often by choice, someone being a bit active once a day is seen as vain and unattractive.

Date who you want, but calling someone "tedious" and "boring"because they doing some physical activity every day, that's just weird.

Is it just "the gym" or is it any sport I wonder.

phoenixrosehere · 29/10/2025 23:34

99bottlesofkombucha · 29/10/2025 22:41

It’s really rigid being unable to skip a day and restricts a relationship, if he’s met someone before who won’t go away for a weekend if they miss leg day then I get it. Plus you can’t have kids with someone who isn’t prepared to cut down on their gym time. My youngest is 3 and I try for 3 lots of exercise a week, it’s quite a lot of pressure to get that in with our busy schedule. I’d be divorced if dh had to go every day to the gym. And he’d have discovered he couldn’t go on his contact days as a single dad.

I said similar. It really depends on context to me.

What time are they going? Where is the gym? Will they be flexible about it or will they be rigid to the point that we have to plan around them going to the gym daily? Does it have to be the gym everyday or just exercising daily which are not the same thing and the latter is easier to accommodate.

Cherrytree86 · 29/10/2025 23:39

TheZanyZebra · 29/10/2025 23:18

It's actually depressing that in a world where the majority has very sedentary lives, not often by choice, someone being a bit active once a day is seen as vain and unattractive.

Date who you want, but calling someone "tedious" and "boring"because they doing some physical activity every day, that's just weird.

Is it just "the gym" or is it any sport I wonder.

THIS! Some COMMON SENSE!

Thepossibility · 29/10/2025 23:47

I think if he manages to carve out heaps of time for his own exercise, then doesn't want his partner to do the same then it is controlling and selfish. He wants his DP available for his entertainment when he's ready for them, when he has the time.

QBTheRoundestOfBees · 29/10/2025 23:55

I go to the gym or pool six days out of seven because it massively helps my mental health and it’s where I think best and decompress.
It would come before a man who thought it was his place to comment.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/10/2025 00:03

It’s really clear to see from this thread who exercises daily as part of their normal routine and see it as a perfectly normal way to live. And those to whom exercise is an anathema. And never the twain shall meet.

BaconCheeses · 30/10/2025 00:10

namechangetheworld · 29/10/2025 22:54

Oh pull the other one. Is it just men who can't express their opinion any more, or does this apply to women too?

I couldn't be with someone who goes to the gym everyday. It absolutely reeks of vanity.

Show quote history

It applies to any muppet that thinks:

  1. a woman exercising 5 days a week, which is the NHS recommended amount, is vain and
  2. To any dickhead that thinks a woman who has lived her whole life without him just fine until now, suddenly gets a say in her life after a few hours of dating by making snide comments designed to put her in her box.

Just like my ex. Oh, you want to exercise 5 days a week? Then you must he one of those girls (who I think are beneath me).

It's never just about the gym.