New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

[Harrowe]

New bf of three months made an odd comment. I guess we’re all entitled to our preferences. But he said he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday. He said it’s because it’s time consuming, excessive and vain.

I go to the gym three days a week but have definitely been an everyday person before and definitely kick up my workouts when I am carrying more weight or before a big event ie my brother’s wedding.

Is this weirdly controlling? I can definitely see myself hitting the gym everyday again in the future. It’s weirded me out.

red flag?

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

@Cherrytree86 if you are a light sleeper someone getting up at 5am for a hobby would be very annoying. Also probably means they go to bed early, so you don't have time in the evening with them

My ex used to get up for work at 4.30am sometimes. I never could get back to sleep properly. Plus getting up at that time meant he would want to be in bed by 9.30pm. At the time my kids went to bed around 8.45pm, so we had less than an hour together in the evenings. And that was with us living together. If he had lived elsewhere evenings would have been even shorter. Its not just a case of getting up early in my experience, if it had been every day it would have made us incompatible imo.

"I'd never date someone who practices daily meditation, when they could spend their time on the sofa watching shit tv instead".

The bf may as well be saying this as far as I'm concerned. He's allowed his preferences of course, but I wouldn't even consider cutting back on something that's good for my health, at someone else's request. So long as my job, chores, social life and other commitments weren't being neglected, I'd tell him to dream on and jog on.

How regularly do we see posts on here from women who can't stand the idea of sex with their overweight, out of shape husband? Or from women who are stressed out ahead of a big event because they hate how their body looks in every outfit they try on? Or from women as young as 30-something, who feel exhausted, have zero fitness and are full of aches and pains?

We've created a sick society where processed junk food makes up 85% of our diet, and if you exercise you're seen as boring.

She's only ever cycled on the road or swum in open water? Never needed to even up her posterior chain from all the bending forward or work on her rhomboids to avoid winging a scapula? Never felt that it's safer in winter to be running on a treadmill, using a rower or ergo or on a bike that has the advantage of being inside, well lit, with security cameras, no rain, sleet or snow or cars skidding on ice?

She's very fortunate.

I'd say the same thing. I used to go every day myself. But it's indicative of a certain lifestyle and mindset that isn't suited to some people.

I wouldn't date someone who was really muscly and obsessed with working out every day. I would assume they were very focussed on their appearance and fitness and I'm not interested in either of those things especially.

To me this isn't controlling. And I doubt it literally means he'd spilt up from you if you did go daily. I mean ultimately you could be in the sauna or playing tennis or swimming, or you could just say you were in the pub?!

It probably wouldn't actually make any difference to how he sees you.

let's not push it. Many women compete in trail runs, trail marathons to ultra, or triathlon, and have no interest in treadmills or indoor bikes.

Nothing wrong or uncommon in being outdoors, summer or winter.

The strange thing is that 'let's not push it' is a reason why using a gym to support/complement outdoor training, minimise likelihood of injury, swim without the inherent risks of being in open water (particularly in winter), reduce recovery time and enhance performance is a good idea. I just find it quite unusual that your friend has never had any issues or reason for training indoors at times, especially over thirty years where any overuse or habit/weakness in the posterior chain particularly would accumulate without taking steps to address it - even just the pain of relatively weaker rhomboid or traps or an irritated rotator cuff make the pec deck and flye an absolute lifesaver in prevention and recovery from the constant tendency to roll forwards on bike, swimming and running.

I ran and cycled from age 20-40 without a single injury that would have caused me to need to use a gym.

I'm now 41 and have still never had an injury, but when I turned 40 I switched into strength training as I decided I wanted to be a 60 year old woman who's lifted heavy weights for 20 years.

I'd like to know how I could get that kind of strength work done without going to a gym, which according to other posters would make me far less dull as a person.

Or had any out of the house hobby that they felt they had to do every single day.

Women don't seem to like their partners being out of the house in general it seems. Unless its work/earning, therefore he absolutely must be straight home by 6. Based on nothing but insecurity 🙄

We SHOULD be exercising everyday! It’s good for mental and physical health.

It’s the rigidity and how limiting it is that I wouldn’t accept. Decades ago my now dh said he wouldn’t go for a weekend away with me between start of March and end of September due to playing footy. He didn’t play at a pro or semi pro level, local league, and then he was stunned when I booked to go away anyway and said the other players all seem to go away so it’s not the team pressure, it’s just you prioritising footy over me for 6 months a year which isn’t my idea of a relationship, and won’t work.

he changed his mind and came away with me.