New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

[Harrowe]

New bf of three months made an odd comment. I guess we’re all entitled to our preferences. But he said he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday. He said it’s because it’s time consuming, excessive and vain.

I go to the gym three days a week but have definitely been an everyday person before and definitely kick up my workouts when I am carrying more weight or before a big event ie my brother’s wedding.

Is this weirdly controlling? I can definitely see myself hitting the gym everyday again in the future. It’s weirded me out.

red flag?

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

Not necessarily. There are people like me, for example, who regularly walk and lift in moderation, but regard gyms as a more "institutionalised" kind of exercise that is not my scene.

I completely agree with him, going to the gym every day is boring. I never dated men long term who did this as they were dull and had no other hobbies or interests. It's fine if you like it, I walk daily and do gym classes three times a week, imo anything more than 4/5 times a week is excessive.

It’s not controlling. He is not making rules for others. He is setting a boundary for himself as to who he will and will not date.

I wouldnt date a daily workout person, it's not a trait I like

I wouldn’t date someone who had an obsessive hobby. So if someone has to go to the gym everyday, even if we were say on a city break and we had to forego going on a sightseeing trip as it clashed with gym time. Again if someone’s hobby took over the weekend or dictated what sort of holiday we could go on.

I wouldn’t want to date someone who goes to the gym everyday.

Gymgoers, don’t take that as me judging people who do. I couldn’t care less, each to their own. I just prefer to date someone who has a bit more spontaneity available in their schedule. I admire people who are fit and healthy, but I’m not that u to it myself and so I don’t think I’d suit someone who is.

He didn’t say he had a problem with people staying fit or going to gym. He is clearly fit himself if he trains for distance races, which the OP says he does.

He just said he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym every single day. That doesn’t indicate he has a problem with fitness or gyms. It just means he isn’t keen on people who are obsessive. I think a lot of people wouldn’t want to date someone whose hobby was so all-consuming that they couldn’t go a day without doing it.

I think it’s more a case of most people a) understanding that going to a gym every day is not the only way to get exercise and b) being attracted to people who don’t let a rigid and inflexible schedule rule their lives.

One of my oldest and closest riends has run countless marathons and does triathlons as well. She’s been doing them for decades now. But she has never once set foot in a gym in all her 50 years on this planet.

Come off it. I exercise regularly and as much as I can and impress how important it is on my kids, who play quite a lot of sport and at 7 & 10 are doing their first park run with us on Saturday (with dh pushing the 4yo). But I also understand busy people and caring partners need to flex their priorities. When young and unencumbered I’d train 10 hours a week in my chosen sport but doing that again is a decade away at least.

It could be controlling yes.
It's absolutely fine not to want to date someone who does that, but what about if a partner takes it up later in the relationship, would he try to stop you or complain?
Did you ask him what he'd do if a year down the line you started to go to the gym every day?

Not as boring as runners and half marathon people lMO

Obviously not all, but some of them don't stop going on about it or trying to tell me how much I'd love running.....No I would not.

Exactly. They think they are cool but aren’t

Yeah @Worriedalltheday, that 86 year-old woman who uses my gym thinks she’s so cool 🙄😂

People are forgetting here…we are SUPPOSED to exercise every day! Lots of people have very sedentary jobs, people talk about walking …not possible for everyone, some people need to drive to work or they wouldn’t get there on time or they don’t live in an area with half decent walks or whatever.
It’s not silly or selfish or self indulgent or whatever some people on here seem to think.

also, what’s wrong with a bit of vanity?? Let’s not be disingenuous and try and pretend that physical appearance isn’t important…

Exactly this.

There are plenty of ways to exercise that don’t involve going to the gym on a daily basis.

If you really like the guy, just tell him that you do go to the gym daily when xyz. If he sees that as a problem, there’s your answer.

If you are too weirded out to even ask, then just end it.

Simple enough.

It doesn’t matter at all whether it’s ‘cool’ or ‘boring’ to go to the gym daily.
What matters are having enough shared values and priorities with your partner so that life isn’t a constant exhausting discussion.
He’s started the conversation, so now OP needs to say that she actually does prioritise daily exercise sometimes. Then keep talking and see if you can find a way that might work.
This transparency is an absolute gift for a good relationship, don’t waste it.

No it's not controlling to have a preference on who he dates.
I wouldn't date anyone who had any hobby they had to do every day. It's too restrictive. I don't want to never be able to take a weekend away, or have a holiday where hobbies aren't involved.

I wasn’t necessarily talking about you or that opinion. Was talking about the “everyone who goes to the gym is a vain narcissist” type posts.

Yes and I’m sure you haven’t been on this thread saying “gym people are all shallow and vain” have you? That’s the attitude I was referring to.

Plus not everyone has young kids you know. We are all at different places in life.

I worked with someone who started going to the gym and exercise classes on pretty much a daily basis. One day she was telling me she was really annoyed with some friends who were coming to stay for the weekend, as they didn’t want to come to the gym with her, so she was going to have to miss out on a session. She got really obsessed with it, and her relationship suffered too and she and her long term boyfriend split up.

After a couple of years she did wean herself off the obsessive daily exercise routine, still exercised on a regular basis but it wasn’t all consuming and got back together with her boyfriend.

And those talking about vanity, OP herself said she ramps up her exercise regime for something like her brother’s wedding. I assume the wedding doesn’t involve something like a marathon so the daily exercise regime would have nothing to do with keeping fit.

@Halloweeeeeeeeen

why?? So long as they are not expecting you to get up with them what’s the issue?

@sittingonabeach

so she wants to look good for a wedding? So??