New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

[Harrowe]

New bf of three months made an odd comment. I guess we’re all entitled to our preferences. But he said he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday. He said it’s because it’s time consuming, excessive and vain.

I go to the gym three days a week but have definitely been an everyday person before and definitely kick up my workouts when I am carrying more weight or before a big event ie my brother’s wedding.

Is this weirdly controlling? I can definitely see myself hitting the gym everyday again in the future. It’s weirded me out.

red flag?

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

I wouldn’t call it controlling in itself, but he does sound judgy and narrow-minded if he thinks going to the gym every day means a person is vain. Plenty of us need to exercise daily for our mental health- nothing to do with vanity. I’m wondering if he is one of those men who thinks women only go to the gym to show off and get attention from men. If so, I wouldn’t want anything to do with a man like that.

Because I don't like going away on holidays myself and if I'm with someone who wants to be going away all the time we can't really compromise on it. Better to date people similar to myself.

I don't mind the odd weekend away to attend a specific event but I'm not a fan of spending weeks away from home.

It doesn't sound controlling. More like he has a bad perception of people who go to the gym every day. I've heard women say the same.

All of them? Do you think all daily gym-goers have the same personality? 🤔

What does he mean though?

I go most days but I'm only there an hour. How can anyone have an issue with that? How much time does he spend training for his marathons? How is it vain?

Obviously if a bloke said he wouldn't date someone who goes to the gym everyday to me, then it would be a none starter. I'd wish him well and go the other way.

I wouldn’t want a partner who did this. I think it is fine to express that - was it directly aimed at you?

Women have said they wont go out with a man that goes or plays football regularly how is that any different?

Because he’s warning her she can’t go to the gym every day.

No, he isn’t. The OP didn’t say that at all

This is not true. Men do not go from happy and relaxed to telling you you can’t go out overnight. Control is complex and layered and takes many forms.

It’s not controlling to express a preference. He’s not stopping anyone going to the gym.

I wouldn’t want to date a man who went to the gym everyday either.

Likewise, I wouldn’t want to date a man who followed a football team week in, week out, home and away. Or a man who spent 16 hours a day at work.

Id view a daily gym habit as bordering on obsessive, especially if it was appearance driven, that wouldn't be someone I'd be interested in as a partner.

I don’t know, you’d have to ask those women.

Though I’d be surprised if they thought men were playing/watching football because of vanity.

If your only take about exercise is "lose weight, focus on appearance and self", it's a bit sad.

I wouldn’t date someone who went to the gym every day tbh. Or had any out of the house hobby that they felt they had to do every single day.

so that rules out anyone who has a dog.

Fair enough, and that means less competition for us who like sporty and active dates 😁

I don’t view it as controlling or a red flag. How is it that you interpret it as such? Did he end the comment by saying he would end things immediately if that was what you did?

Not on the face of it - it just sounds like he doesn't want to date someone with a very time consuming hobby.

Yeah I’m not a dog person so wouldn’t date anyone with a dog.

I’m active and sporty, and so is DH, I just wouldn’t be interested in someone who spent every evening at the gym.

@Iris2020 Exercise can be hugely
beneficial for those of us with mental health problems. At my age with my saggy and wrinkly body, I’m waaaay past vanity. But I do need to exercise daily to keep sane! It seems you don’t exercise yourself or know anything about it if you think it’s only for the vain.

I go to the gym every day - 5-6am. This doesn't impact anyone else but me ! So I wouldn't be impressed by being told I couldn't attend.
I don't think it's necessarily controlling, but I don't see why it's a huge issue to him.

He is a new boyfriend so you are still presumably figuring out if you are compatible for a long term commitment.
I think I wouldnt date an every day gym goer either if I think about it. I guess you will have to work out over time if this is something that you compromise on both way, like he likes you so much he decides to loosen this preference, or you just don't go every day as you like him so much you arw willing to forego every day gym.
Most relationships you compromise on something and it depends what the thing is as to whether it becomes a deal breaker or something you compromise on.

Well he has been honest, its up to you now.....

It’s not controlling, it’s a reasonable preference. I wouldn’t date someone who went to the gym every day.

@ShesTheAlbatross Gyms are open all day long. Some people go early in the morning before their family/partner get up. Some go in the evenings. Some go in the daytime because they work shifts or PT.