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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Walk in the rain /

145 replies

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:25

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:28

Bugger - only typed half of the title. Should have said Walk in the rain / disagreement with friend, or something to that effect.

OP posts:
omz · 29/10/2025 17:28

Do you often make mistakes like this? Just wondering if it could be part of a pattern

CoffeeCantata · 29/10/2025 17:33

I agree. OP, that since you were meet for a lunch, you might not have been in suitable footwear or clothing for a rainy walk.

I’m a keen hiker and hill-walker myself- it’s not about your ability or otherwise to walk a mile - this is a different situation and I think he should have collected you.

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:33

omz · 29/10/2025 17:28

Do you often make mistakes like this? Just wondering if it could be part of a pattern

No, very rarely. I'm also rarely late and rarely change or cancel plans.

There was one previous miscommunication with this friend a few years ago (crossed wires with hurried WhatsApping leading to him going to a different station to where I was) which was not clearly my fault. When that happened we just laughed it off.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:35

CoffeeCantata · 29/10/2025 17:33

I agree. OP, that since you were meet for a lunch, you might not have been in suitable footwear or clothing for a rainy walk.

I’m a keen hiker and hill-walker myself- it’s not about your ability or otherwise to walk a mile - this is a different situation and I think he should have collected you.

Thanks. Ordinarily I wouldn't think twice about walking a mile. In fact it wasn't even the walk per se that bothered me, it was more the way he declared I'd be walking and didn't even follow up with a message (i.e. "Hope that's ok," or even, "See you soon.").

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:38

I wish people who vote that YABU would say why. I mean why couldn't he have come to pick me up? All he was doing was hanging around waiting for me.

I wouldn't have expected him to drive a long way, obviously.

OP posts:
LlamaNoDrama · 29/10/2025 17:38

I would have looked at getting the next train before ringing for a lift.

HeddaGarbled · 29/10/2025 17:39

I don’t think I’d ask someone to pick me up when it was only a mile’s walk (that’s 15-20 minutes walk for me), though I accept the rain was a contributory factor. As you were able to get another train quite easily, it seems, I do think you leapt a bit quickly to the lazy option.

Arlanymor · 29/10/2025 17:40

If I messed up I would try to fix it. Tell my friend that I’m really sorry but I made an error and either I would be getting on the train for one more stop or walking. If they volunteered to pick me up then great, but I would seek to remedy it myself first. I wouldn’t ever tell anyone that they needed to pick me up when that was not what had been arranged.

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:40

LlamaNoDrama · 29/10/2025 17:38

I would have looked at getting the next train before ringing for a lift.

I did. They were only half-hourly.

OP posts:
CosySeason · 29/10/2025 17:40

I wouldn’t hesitate to go and pick a friend up but everyone is so unfriendly these days.

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

OP posts:
thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:42

If it was a 25 minute walk/half hour wait for the train, why not just wait for the train? Confused

Arlanymor · 29/10/2025 17:43

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:40

I did. They were only half-hourly.

Show quote history

Same as the amount of time it would have taken you to walk then.

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 17:43

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:35

Thanks. Ordinarily I wouldn't think twice about walking a mile. In fact it wasn't even the walk per se that bothered me, it was more the way he declared I'd be walking and didn't even follow up with a message (i.e. "Hope that's ok," or even, "See you soon.").

Show quote history

There seems to be an expectation from you that he would pick you up, whereas you should have been apologising and notifying him of how late you would be due to having to wait for the next train due to getting of a stop too early, and asking him if he could wait.

You are upset that he hasn't treated you like a date and been considerate of you having dressed up for him by offering to pick you up, however as he is not a romantic partner, that expectation is both unreasonable and inappropriate.

Edit: typo - dropped end of sentence

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/10/2025 17:43

We were out and about in London today and I got absolutely soaked and cold. This is influencing my view. I think your 'friend' was being selfish and heedless. Of course he could have done you a favour and come to pick you up. I am not a driver either, but if I were, this is what I would have done. I hope it was a good lunch!

Merryoldgoat · 29/10/2025 17:44

There’s no way I’d have expected you to walk and would l have collected you no problem.

I‘m so sick of the people who seem to think walking is a reflection of your morals, same as the vocal early risers.

Arlanymor · 29/10/2025 17:44

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

Did you ask him?

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/10/2025 17:44

So if he was able to take your call and check a map, I’m assuming he was already parked up, possibly some way from his car, had possibly paid for parking already, possibly already seated in the restaurant. By the time he’d gotten back to his car and driven to collect you, you’d have been waiting in the rain for as long as it would have taken you to walk, hence him reasoning there wasn’t much point.

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:44

HeddaGarbled · 29/10/2025 17:39

I don’t think I’d ask someone to pick me up when it was only a mile’s walk (that’s 15-20 minutes walk for me), though I accept the rain was a contributory factor. As you were able to get another train quite easily, it seems, I do think you leapt a bit quickly to the lazy option.

It was more the time factor than the effort. As I said, he'd only be standing waiting for me otherwise. I thought we could meet in five minutes rather than 25 if he came to get me.

Re. train - depends what you mean by "easy". I mean, yes, I only had to sit and wait, but it was almost half an hour.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 29/10/2025 17:45

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

It’s not a huge imposition.

bowlybowl · 29/10/2025 17:45

Surely he buying you lunch was an apology? move on from it.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/10/2025 17:45

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 17:43

There seems to be an expectation from you that he would pick you up, whereas you should have been apologising and notifying him of how late you would be due to having to wait for the next train due to getting of a stop too early, and asking him if he could wait.

You are upset that he hasn't treated you like a date and been considerate of you having dressed up for him by offering to pick you up, however as he is not a romantic partner, that expectation is both unreasonable and inappropriate.

Edit: typo - dropped end of sentence

Edited
Show quote history

Rubbish. Surely friends look out for each other? Also, can you not read? This is what the OP said: I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/10/2025 17:46

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/10/2025 17:44

So if he was able to take your call and check a map, I’m assuming he was already parked up, possibly some way from his car, had possibly paid for parking already, possibly already seated in the restaurant. By the time he’d gotten back to his car and driven to collect you, you’d have been waiting in the rain for as long as it would have taken you to walk, hence him reasoning there wasn’t much point.

Surely he could have explained that?

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:47

Arlanymor · 29/10/2025 17:40

If I messed up I would try to fix it. Tell my friend that I’m really sorry but I made an error and either I would be getting on the train for one more stop or walking. If they volunteered to pick me up then great, but I would seek to remedy it myself first. I wouldn’t ever tell anyone that they needed to pick me up when that was not what had been arranged.

Edited

I did say I was really sorry (more than once) and I certainly didn't tell him he needed to pick me up - I asked ("Could you possibly..." sort of thing). I also checked train times before I rang him, but it was a half-hour wait.

OP posts: