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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Walk in the rain /

145 replies

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:25

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

OP posts:
5128gap · 29/10/2025 19:30

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 19:03

I am at least a decade younger than him. It didn't feel controlling, but it was a little mocking which is why I snapped.

As I mentioned upthread, I'd just had a disappointing OLD experience so was feeling a bit raw about being single and uncared for, for want of a better expression. So I think it hit a nerve which doesn't of course make it more his fault.

Show quote history

The reason I say controlling is that I once asked a male friend to drop me off somewhere to save me walking alone through a park at night.
He proceeded to tell me i was being ridiculous, that there hadn't been a single instance of a woman being attacked in the park, and that he'd be doing me no favours by pandering to my 'paranoia'. That he'd walk me to the park gates and then I needed to show myself I could do it. I was young and embarrassed and believed he had my interests at heart.
Turns out he was a control freak who on other occasions was just as insistent I shouldn't walk in places he deemed unsafe.
Something about your story brought that back (from 30 years!) So I may be projecting.

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/10/2025 19:33

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/10/2025 17:44

So if he was able to take your call and check a map, I’m assuming he was already parked up, possibly some way from his car, had possibly paid for parking already, possibly already seated in the restaurant. By the time he’d gotten back to his car and driven to collect you, you’d have been waiting in the rain for as long as it would have taken you to walk, hence him reasoning there wasn’t much point.

I agree. I think non-drivers don't consider things like this. I drive but wouldn't get my car out to drive such a short distance whatever the weather.

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/10/2025 19:35

5128gap · 29/10/2025 19:30

The reason I say controlling is that I once asked a male friend to drop me off somewhere to save me walking alone through a park at night.
He proceeded to tell me i was being ridiculous, that there hadn't been a single instance of a woman being attacked in the park, and that he'd be doing me no favours by pandering to my 'paranoia'. That he'd walk me to the park gates and then I needed to show myself I could do it. I was young and embarrassed and believed he had my interests at heart.
Turns out he was a control freak who on other occasions was just as insistent I shouldn't walk in places he deemed unsafe.
Something about your story brought that back (from 30 years!) So I may be projecting.

Show quote history

That's a completely different scenario.

MID50s · 29/10/2025 19:36

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

Yeah, had they paid for parking to which they would have to leave and then return to maybe finding car park full?
also, I’m not a very confident driver so if a friend asked me to do this I would panic!

5128gap · 29/10/2025 20:05

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/10/2025 19:35

That's a completely different scenario.

Show quote history

It has similarities. Man enforcing what he thinks a woman should do rather than agreeing to help her do what she wants to do.

CurlewKate · 29/10/2025 20:23

Several examples of the giving a lift/ giving a kidney correlation here!

Gingefringe · 29/10/2025 20:34

Missing the point …… but why mention that you ‘didn’t fart’?

briq · 29/10/2025 20:40

It would have been nice of him to have picked you up, but he definitely shouldn't have pulled you up on not wanting to walk in the rain along a road. Why did it matter to him if you didn't want to get rained on (and hadn't dressed for a walk)?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 29/10/2025 20:55

Personally I would have come to your rescue, which for me would involve loading my wheelchair back into the van first, and then unloading it again when we got back to wherever we were going, which is a massive faff but I’d still do it rather than expect you to do that walk in the rain. He sounds inconsiderate.

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:07

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 17:43

There seems to be an expectation from you that he would pick you up, whereas you should have been apologising and notifying him of how late you would be due to having to wait for the next train due to getting of a stop too early, and asking him if he could wait.

You are upset that he hasn't treated you like a date and been considerate of you having dressed up for him by offering to pick you up, however as he is not a romantic partner, that expectation is both unreasonable and inappropriate.

Edit: typo - dropped end of sentence

Edited
Show quote history

Really not sure how you got that from my OP. I did apologise (as I explicitly said in my OP) and there was no expectation of a lift, just a request. I didn't dress up for him, I just wasn't wearing flat shoes.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:10

FastTurtle · 29/10/2025 18:02

Do you have Uber in your area, I think this was an Uber situation?

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Honestly didn't occur to me. And probably wouldn't have saved much time anyway, unless there happened to be one very nearby.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:14

youalright · 29/10/2025 17:56

Also do you have mobility issues as 25 minutes to walk 1 mile is ridiculously slow

No, it was about 1.2 miles or something. And I wasn't wearing flat shoes (having put them on literally thinking that I wouldn't need to walk anywhere...).

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:16

Gingefringe · 29/10/2025 20:34

Missing the point …… but why mention that you ‘didn’t fart’?

Ah, sweet summer child!

It was a reference to the "classic" Mumsnet "snapped and farted" thread (which tbh I didn't find particularly hilarious, but it is fairly infamous).

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:18

briq · 29/10/2025 20:40

It would have been nice of him to have picked you up, but he definitely shouldn't have pulled you up on not wanting to walk in the rain along a road. Why did it matter to him if you didn't want to get rained on (and hadn't dressed for a walk)?

Perhaps trying to deflect guilt (because if he could convince himself the walk wasn't a big deal then he had no need to feel guilty for refusing to pick me up!).

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:20

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 29/10/2025 20:55

Personally I would have come to your rescue, which for me would involve loading my wheelchair back into the van first, and then unloading it again when we got back to wherever we were going, which is a massive faff but I’d still do it rather than expect you to do that walk in the rain. He sounds inconsiderate.

If he'd been in a wheelchair I wouldn't have even asked, I'd have just apologised let him know I was running late. But he wasn't in a wheelchair, he was (at the point I phoned) in his car. 1.2 miles away.

OP posts:
dudsville · 29/10/2025 21:22

I'm independent and it wouldn't have occurred to be to ask for a lift. I would either have got a taxi or, as you did, get back on public transport and text to say I'd made a mistake and would be a little late.

outerspacepotato · 29/10/2025 21:23

So he should have gotten in his car, come around and gotten you because you didn't want to wait for a train or walk on the rain? Did he pay for parking? Or is parking hard to find?

This was your goof to fix by taking the next train, not expecting him to chauffeur you. You were unreasonable.

ConcordeSkyHigh · 29/10/2025 21:28

I feel like saying I fucked up and apologising profusely is slightly overdoing it. I'd have either lied and said the train was running late if I thought there's no chance of them checking, or just said sorry doh got off at next stop and my ETA is now X. They weren't going to make you arrive any sooner. Bit wierd they suggested walking in the rain though!

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:30

dudsville · 29/10/2025 21:22

I'm independent and it wouldn't have occurred to be to ask for a lift. I would either have got a taxi or, as you did, get back on public transport and text to say I'd made a mistake and would be a little late.

I'm independent too, but I thought (perhaps wrongly) it would be very quick and easy just to nip down the road - and also that he would prefer to do that rather than hang around for half an hour. I didn't think I was asking for the moon.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:32

outerspacepotato · 29/10/2025 21:23

So he should have gotten in his car, come around and gotten you because you didn't want to wait for a train or walk on the rain? Did he pay for parking? Or is parking hard to find?

This was your goof to fix by taking the next train, not expecting him to chauffeur you. You were unreasonable.

I have said, quite a few times now, that I didn't "expect" him to do that. I also thought he would prefer to do that to waiting around.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:36

ConcordeSkyHigh · 29/10/2025 21:28

I feel like saying I fucked up and apologising profusely is slightly overdoing it. I'd have either lied and said the train was running late if I thought there's no chance of them checking, or just said sorry doh got off at next stop and my ETA is now X. They weren't going to make you arrive any sooner. Bit wierd they suggested walking in the rain though!

Well it was a fuck-up, albeit a minor one in the scheme of things. I mean I didn't start self-flagellating or anything. I'm not a habitual liar and didn't see any need to make up fibs about what had happened as it was an honest mistake. Also he was waiting at the station so would have seen the train wasn't running late and that I wasn't on it!

OP posts:
5678XXX · 29/10/2025 21:36

Fair enough if he ddnt want to have to pay again for parking or find another space if he'd moved his car, but at the very least he could have walked towards you and walked back together.

Just showing manners/being thoughtful wouldnt have gone amiss

dudsville · 29/10/2025 21:37

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:30

I'm independent too, but I thought (perhaps wrongly) it would be very quick and easy just to nip down the road - and also that he would prefer to do that rather than hang around for half an hour. I didn't think I was asking for the moon.

Show quote history

Sure, and maybe it wouldn't have been a big request, though clearly he wasn't excited about it, it just never would have even occurred to me to ask, I would've just explained what happened and that I was running late as a result.

andthat · 29/10/2025 21:40

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

It’s not a huge imposition or PITA @ThrushorSparrow

Most people outside of mumsnet would have said to their FRIEND ‘stay where you are, I’m on my way!’

outerspacepotato · 29/10/2025 21:41

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:32

I have said, quite a few times now, that I didn't "expect" him to do that. I also thought he would prefer to do that to waiting around.

Show quote history

From your OP

asked if he could come and pick me up.
We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.
I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.
WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

You asked him to come get you. You got pissed when he didn't. You think he should have been "caring and generous". Listen, driving in the rain is a pain. Trying to find parking is a pain and possibly a major issue depending where you are. He might have had to pay twice if it was paid parking. You obviously did expect it and are here trying to get validation for you being mad he didn't come and chauffeur you when it was your screw up to begin with.