Walk in the rain /

[ThrushorSparrow]

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

You made a mistake and he wasn’t caring - considering he is a friend. I wouldn’t be walking in the rain either - I’d end up having an asthma attack.

Had your friend already paid for parking ( i.e. put 2 - 3 hours) on the ticket and would have to pay again to enter the car park ?

I think he should have come to get you unless there was a good reason (like he had already paid to park the car and didn’t want to move it or was already at the restaurant with a drink)
It’s not about walking a mile, if you had been prepared with waterproofs and sensible shoes fine but unexpectedly, no!

If you were my friend and text me I’d have laughed and offered to pick you up.

Life’s to short not to

This @ThrushorSparrow because he might have paid to park and sometimes you can’t go out and in again, or be not right near where he parked or difficult to find spaces. I’d only ask for help as a last resort/I was going to end up soaked.

He may have already bought an expensive car park ticket with no returns allowed. Or maybe he isnt confident to drive to the location to pick you up. Getting back on train seemed the most sensible option.

Doesn't matter if she does the guy sounds like a shit, and no friend!

I don't think it could have been much more than five minutes. Also he hadn't arrived and sat down - he was standing outside when we met. And he was only over the road from the cafe.

However I had totally forgotten the parking issue, and that's probably quite significant.

Yeah, I did forget about parking, both the expense and the hassle of finding somewhere.

Quite possibly. He had definitely parked, so probably. I didn't even think of that - in fact I wish he'd said that, but perhaps he thought I'd realise.

Thanks. Was nothing serious, just (another) shitty OLD experience.

All is, I hope, forgiven and forgotten.

Your friend has either a nasty streak or a controlling one. Interesting reference to you being 'young enough'. Younger than him then. So fair game to tell what to do?

YANBU. I think a true friend would have picked you up, I know I would.

Thanks everyone. I think the parking was the crux of the matter and, stupidly, that didn't occur to me. All a bit unfortunate, but hopefully just a storm in a teacup really.

I agree OP. What sort of person lets a friend walk over a mile in the rain when it would have taken them 5 minutes to pick them up in the car. I think you are right that he felt a little guilty afterwards and that’s why he bought your lunch.

I’m more intrigued by why on earth he’s standing outside waiting for you for 30 minutes on a rainy day, instead of waiting in the (assumed) nice warm and dry cafe.

He wasn't in the restaurant, but I think he had already parked.

I just looked back and his message literally just says, "It's walkable." which is a little off-hand imo. If he'd said, "Sorry, I've just paid for parking and can't move the car, do you mind walking?" it would have landed very differently.

I didn't ask, but I assume he initially waited in the car until just before I got there. Also the restaurant was very busy so he maybe felt he couldn't sit at a table without ordering while he waited for me.

I think be was being a bit clumsy/bloke like. He’d probably parked and paid. Then checked how far and saw it wasn’t (in his head) too far -
20 mins ish and discounted the rain.

I still think it was a bit unkind of him.

I am at least a decade younger than him. It didn't feel controlling, but it was a little mocking which is why I snapped.

As I mentioned upthread, I'd just had a disappointing OLD experience so was feeling a bit raw about being single and uncared for, for want of a better expression. So I think it hit a nerve which doesn't of course make it more his fault.

Yes, that's probably a correct assessment of the situation.

The litmus test is whether that behaviour would have been expected if OP was a man.

C'mon, we can do better than this. Is he the most considerate friend? Clearly not. But the conversation in which OP snapped would not have even taken place between male friends.

So we just need to be honest what sort of relationship we are describing as 'friends'. If OP wants male friends as quasi dates with no sex, then that's entirely fine, and through that lens she was not being unreasonable.

Only on Mumsnet is giving somebody a lift considered on a par with giving a kidney! Of course he should have come and got you. He should have just done it- you shouldn’t have had to ask.

Don't sound like much of a friend tbh