Walk in the rain /

[ThrushorSparrow]

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

In the real world a reasonable good friend or relative would have picked you up and had a laugh about it 🤷‍♀️

Tbh I was quite shocked when he just baldly sent me a screenshot of directions and said, "You can walk". We'd arranged to meet somewhere convenient to him at his suggestion, and I'd already travelled for over an hour and sat in a cold station for half an hour of that owing to poor connections.

He’s an arsehole.

You should have simply said: "Running late, got off at wrong stop, next train will get me there in 30 mins. Are you ok to wait?"

You asking for the lift was inappropriate, and your being upset at him refusing your request was unreasonable - if this relationship is platonic.

Men don't that do that for their male friends. Men wouldn't ask that of their male friends. He is a man. You are not his romantic partner.

Or was it a low key non-date that you were approaching as a date?

I would have come and picked you up but then I am a nice person ☺️

Do we not do nice things for our friends anymore?

I’m pretty sure my DH would do something as simple as a short lift for a friend.

The men I know would do this for a friend. Or, actually, for someone they knew, even if they weren’t a particular friend. Bizarre for anyone to think otherwise.

I would not have hesitated and would have collected you, rain or not. Though if I had got off the wrong stop I would have tried to get the next train, unless there was only one an hour or something, and texted such. If I had received such a text I would have replied ‘don’t worry I’ll come get you’.

Why shouldn't she walk a mile along a road in daylight? He's not her chauffeur. Walking through a park in the dark is quite different.

As your friend, my repo se would probably be along the lines of “you absolute muppet! No worries, hang fire - it’s bloody miserable out there today. Give me 10 minutes and I’ll pull up outside the station for you. Once again, you’re a muppet”

No way I’d expect a friend to walk in the pouring rain, especially after being so apologetic. I’d just want to get them warm, dry and to catch up as intended.

He absolutely should have come and collected you.
The time it would have taken you to walk and/or hop back on a train he would presumably just be waiting for you anyway.
I would do this for any friend, male or female.
It’s not the distance, it’s the pouring rain! He was churlish.

No I would not have expected a lift and why are women not capable of walking? if I cant walk in shoes I dont wear them

@ErrolTheDragon @CurlewKate

Of course people give others lifts. It's not about that. It's about asking for a lift in OPs situation, and then falling out over it.

Men generally don't fall out over micro-slights. Their friendships operate differently. If one was fragile, did ask for a lift, get rejected, then say something, it would have been along the lines of:
"Didn't want to get the leather seats wet then?!"
"Fck no, you lazy bstard!"
"Callus cnt! What are you drinking then?"

And all would have been forgotten - as it would have been in OPs case if she had just arrived on the next train and said: "Sorry to keep you waiting".

Hence why I point out that OP had a date-like mindset with an expectation of chivalry. OP references OLD, so she confirms this herself.

Exactly this. I'm a woman and I'm perfectly capable of walking a mile in the rain. I would be insulted if anyone thought otherwise.

i don’t think this person is your friend. Who wouldn’t go and get a friend in these circumstances- fair warning I would heckle you for being a divvie but I absolutely would come get you. Who are the people who leave friends to walk in the rain fgs

You're kind of making my point for me. Insisting that another person should or shouldn't walk, based on what you think they should do in the situation, rather than what they have asked of you, is controlling.

I have to disagree. Was she controlling him by asking him to come? It wouldn't have occurred to me to even ask in her situation. Who is controlling who? She is, if anybody is.

No. She was not controlling him. He had the car, he had the choices so she had limited means of control even if she'd been minded to. The only way she could have excercised control would be to say if you don't fetch me the meeting is off. She didn't. She did exactly what he told her to do, so no controlling behaviour on her part at all.
I think in your enthusiasm to see her as at fault and him as in the right you are overlooking the facts.

It is a bit weird that he just sat there in his car waiting rather than driving 5 minutes to get you.

All I can think is that he spent ages finding a spot and he didn’t want to lose it? I would have still got you though.

Absolutely agree. I'd have just come and picked you up. Your friend is not being a very much of one.

To me her behaviour is as controlling as his. It wouldn't occur to ne to even ask him to come.

You're clearly absolutely fixated on this idea of people being controlling. Simply asking someone to do something is not, in an of itself, controlling.

Hmm. I think meeting a friend I'd have just walked or got back on the train without contacting them.

A boyfriend/partner/someone I wanted more from I might call in hope.

I think your emotional response suggests your feelings for this man aren't quite as platonic as you'd like to believe.

So you would have shown up half an hour late without even letting them know?

I would have done exactly the same thing (i.e. asked for a lift) if I had been meeting a family member or female friend who was driving, simply because I assumed (possibly wrongly) that they would prefer to drive a mile rather than sit and wait for half an hour.

I'm absolutely not, I'm just responding to another poster who said he was controlling. I'll butt out now anyway and maybe go for a nice walk.