Walk in the rain /

[ThrushorSparrow]

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

So why on earth didn't you just sit and wait for the train?

Walking makes absolutely no sense in this scenario.

It's a weird one because in your circumstances I would have felt awkward asking for a lift and would probably have said 'Sorry I'm going to be late, got off the wrong stop and the next train isn't for half an hour.' If you'd walked it wouldn't have been any/much quicker anyway.

But as your friend if I'd then got that message I would absolutely have offered to pick you up, and if you'd specifically asked would definitely have agreed (and wouldn't have thought it cheeky that you'd asked!). So can't really explain why I wouldn't have just asked myself!

The only thing I'm wondering was if he had already arrived where you were going to meet and had paid for parking then it's possible he would have had to pay again/more if he'd left and come back (and some places don't allow return within a set time). Or he was already sitting comfortably in the warm and didn't want to leave!
But even then he was rude to
a) just say 'walk,' rather than 'sorry I can't come to pick you up (for whatever reason), I'll wait for you to get here,'
and b) make fun of you for not walking

I would have picked you up.

However if I made the same mistake I’d have said ‘sorry got off at the wrong stop. Just deciding whether the wait for the next train (half an hour) or walk the 25 mins.’

At that point he should offer. Sometimes it’s the assumption hush someone will get you that annoys people. Wouldn’t me at all but that may be the reason.

I did. It was a half-hour wait.

Yes, this.

You should have offered to walk/wait for the next train, he should have offered to collect you.

But it was a 25 minute walk, so you may as well have just waited, surely?

I did. I said that in the OP.

I did! I said that in the OP.

Right, so it's a lot of drama over nothing, then.

Which is why I got the train, as I said in my OP.

It's hardly a lot of drama!

And it doesn't make my question about who WBU irrelevant (imo).

I think he sounds like a shit friend tbh. I drive everywhere (live in the countryside) and love my friends, so if they'd made a mistake and asked for a lift I wouldn't hesitate, regardless of weather. I enjoy spending the maximum amount of time with my mates, so would just choose the quickest option so we could start catching up. And I despise public transport.

YANBU. Hope whatever it is that's on your mind isn't too worrying, and you can forgive him for being a bit thoughtless (perhaps he's not good at changing plans on the spot?).

YWBU not to immediately offer to walk/get the train back.

WB(slightly)U not to offer to pick you up, but he may have already paid for parking, or ordered a drink, or know it was a faff to get to you with traffic, roadworks, one way systems etc.

That depends on the circumstances. Does he know the way? Has he got sat nav? Is the train station easy to pick up from? (Some have limited waiting areas which are always rammed with no space). Has he already paid to park and will have to pay again if he leaves and comes back.

I didn't vote but I'd say U as you're a grown up, it's up to you to solve your mistake not someone else. If he'd offered, lovely, but it wasn't his responsibility to fix things for you. I'd feel differently if he was your partner but wouldn't expect a friend to do this for me.

It's not "just 5 mins" and no imposition to your friend though is it?
They have to get up and leave the warm, dry place they've arrived at and sat down in, to go back outside in the rain, to walk back to wherever their car is, to potentially pay a parking ticket, to drive to get you, to go and park again (incurring a new ticket) and walk in the rain AGAIN to get back to the very place they started at. YABU OP

Is he a confident driver as I think that makes a massive difference. I hate driving and before a journey I plan everything and check carparking etc so if someone suddenly wanted me to change where I was going id panic and tell them to walk to if it was only a mile.

I think it was rude and unkind. I’d have picked you up and wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

I certainly didn't assume. I mean he's a friend of c.30 years, not an acquaintance or colleague, but even so I asked politely and apologetically.

100% confident. Drives all the time, including long distances. Definitely not an issue with confidence.

Also do you have mobility issues as 25 minutes to walk 1 mile is ridiculously slow

What a mean man he sounds.

I would 100% have picked you up in his position - a 10 min round trip is nothing

It was a simple mistake - you were distracted - happens to us all. If you had phoned me l, would have come straight get to collect you - not because you didn’t have the right shoes, or because there wasn’t another train, or because it was peeing with rain, or because I’d have had to wait on you - I’d have come for you because it’s a nice, decent, human, thoughtful, friendly and sensible thing to do. That’s not a very good friend you’ve got there and I wouldn’t be going out of my way for them when they make a mistake. You sound like a lovely person x

If it was pissing down with rain, he should have picked you up (it was only a five minute drive). Nothing worse than getting somewhere drenched.

Do you have Uber in your area, I think this was an Uber situation?

Yes, to be honest, this is the solution I would have gone for, if it was an option.