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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Walk in the rain /

145 replies

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:25

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

OP posts:
Pjnow · 30/10/2025 14:00

ThrushorSparrow · 30/10/2025 13:55

So you would have shown up half an hour late without even letting them know?

I would have done exactly the same thing (i.e. asked for a lift) if I had been meeting a family member or female friend who was driving, simply because I assumed (possibly wrongly) that they would prefer to drive a mile rather than sit and wait for half an hour.

Show quote history

I think we can establish that you and I are very different. I'd have been on the one before then one I really needed anyway 😄

outerspacepotato · 30/10/2025 14:01

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 18:43

I just looked back and his message literally just says, "It's walkable." which is a little off-hand imo. If he'd said, "Sorry, I've just paid for parking and can't move the car, do you mind walking?" it would have landed very differently.

Show quote history

You don't drive. I found people who don't drive tend to underestimate the time it takes to go somewhere. It would have been more than 5", it could have been 10 to 15 or even longer depending on traffic and parking and roadwork.

He didn't want to come and get you and that's reasonable. You're taking your resentment for the online date gone wrong guy and projecting it onto your friend.

Sorry about the bad experience, btw.

Wildefish · 30/10/2025 18:21

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:42

If it was a 25 minute walk/half hour wait for the train, why not just wait for the train? Confused

I think she did

Wildefish · 30/10/2025 18:29

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:47

I did say I was really sorry (more than once) and I certainly didn't tell him he needed to pick me up - I asked ("Could you possibly..." sort of thing). I also checked train times before I rang him, but it was a half-hour wait.

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You will never please a lot of people on here. They’re just here to make you feel worse. You asked for a lift from a friend. He suggested walking in awful rain so you took the train which took 1/2 an hour , the same length of time the walk would have taken. Not sure this is how I would treat a friend. In fact I would be cross they didn’t phone me.

littlemisspigg · 30/10/2025 19:33

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:38

I wish people who vote that YABU would say why. I mean why couldn't he have come to pick me up? All he was doing was hanging around waiting for me.

I wouldn't have expected him to drive a long way, obviously.

I voted YABU as I think you should have gone back home. He's no 'friend'. You're over- invested in him for some reason ...and he knows that.
Walking a mile in the rain to meet him for lunch was a power move by him.
Then paying for the lunch was a hook...so you keep doing this over and over and over for him. And he gets to enjoy it.. every. single. time.
Grow a backbone, OP, be a friend to your own self first, be kind to yourself first. Ditch the Players and manipulators.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/10/2025 19:42

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:20

If he'd been in a wheelchair I wouldn't have even asked, I'd have just apologised let him know I was running late. But he wasn't in a wheelchair, he was (at the point I phoned) in his car. 1.2 miles away.

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I know my friends also wouldn’t expect me to collect them because of my wheelchair, but I’d still have done it because I’m actually nice to my friends and don’t mind putting myself out for them. This guy sounds like a bit of a knob to be honest.

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 30/10/2025 19:51

Wouldn’t have crossed my mind to ring for a lift unless all trains cancelled and it was several miles away.
I did a similar thing yesterday in London; got on wrong underground train and then found the line had severe delays so I couldn’t get back so I walked just over a mile (in the pouring rain - no umbrella 🙄 because it wasn’t raining when I left home). It did wonders for my steps total, even if I did look like a drowned rat! 😂

andthat · 30/10/2025 21:33

No5ChalksRoad · 29/10/2025 21:47

He’s an arsehole.

He really is.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 30/10/2025 21:35

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:32

I have said, quite a few times now, that I didn't "expect" him to do that. I also thought he would prefer to do that to waiting around.

Show quote history

So you thought you were doing him a favour asking him to come and get you?
Gets worse with each post.

YABU as the poll says.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/10/2025 21:40

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 30/10/2025 21:35

So you thought you were doing him a favour asking him to come and get you?
Gets worse with each post.

YABU as the poll says.

Show quote history

Except the poll says the opposite doesn’t it?!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 30/10/2025 21:49

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/10/2025 21:40

Except the poll says the opposite doesn’t it?!

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Oops, true. Still think U.

Partypants83 · 30/10/2025 22:16

Arlanymor · 29/10/2025 17:40

If I messed up I would try to fix it. Tell my friend that I’m really sorry but I made an error and either I would be getting on the train for one more stop or walking. If they volunteered to pick me up then great, but I would seek to remedy it myself first. I wouldn’t ever tell anyone that they needed to pick me up when that was not what had been arranged.

Edited

This

cornflakecrunchie · 31/10/2025 00:02

I'm sorry, @ThrushorSparrow
There was absolutely no reason he couldn't pick you up, to my mind, & it would affect the friendship if it was me. If he couldn't go 5 mins out of his way, forget it. Mind, I can hold a grudge.. :-)

Illegally18 · 31/10/2025 00:09

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:25

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

and 😂well done for not snapping AND farting!

TeaRoseTallulah · 31/10/2025 00:28

CosySeason · 29/10/2025 17:40

I wouldn’t hesitate to go and pick a friend up but everyone is so unfriendly these days.

Me neither,Fgs there's no way I'd let a friend walk a mile in the pissing rain when I could drive and it would take 5 mins!

vickylou78 · 31/10/2025 08:42

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

Yes probably that they've already found parking, paid for parking and maybe they were already there and had bought a drink etc. Would be costly to do all that again wouldn't it?
Also depending on the city you could be stuck in traffic or have to go quite a odd way round one way systems or pedestrian areas etc.

vickylou78 · 31/10/2025 08:51

Id probably have just hopped in an Uber. There would be lots near a train station surely

minishiteboard · 31/10/2025 10:17

learn to drive

Or use a taxi

But agree it was odd for him not to give a reason, the fact he hasnt suggests he is bored of you cadging lifts

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 31/10/2025 12:32

minishiteboard · 31/10/2025 10:17

learn to drive

Or use a taxi

But agree it was odd for him not to give a reason, the fact he hasnt suggests he is bored of you cadging lifts

If that's the case he must have a very low boredom threshold as I've probably asked him for a maximum of one lift in the thirty years we've known each other.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 31/10/2025 14:28

He sounds like a right dick. It would have been next to no effort for him to hop in the car and come and collect you. It's not as if you got off at the wrong stop on purpose and I don't think it would be anything do with you 'cadging lifts'.

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